My maid of honor has done nothing for my wedding. My sister in laws did the whole bridal shower and my bachlorette party. Its 25 days before the wedding how can I get her to see shes not being very supportive?
2006-10-10 05:06:09 · 36 answers · asked by RoryGirl2005 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
No I haven't done "Bridezilla". She is in college but like she has done nothing. For instance she brough 3 packs of wine coolers to the bridal shower thats 12 bottles. For 35 people.... and she was in charge of all alcohol.
2006-10-10 05:12:56 · update #1
Shonreaq G: Wow that was rude. The whole point of having a bridal party is for them to help you and support you. I'm not looking for someone to kiss my ***.. But the bridal shower is supposed to be thrown by the maid of honor.
2006-10-10 05:44:44 · update #2
I am thinking that maybe she really doesnt get the concept of being the Maid of Honor.. Maybe she thinks all she will have to be responsible for is standing next to you at the Alter and at the head table for dinner. Before I started researching for my upcoming wedding I couldnt tell you the first thing a MOH does or was responsible for. Only by asking questions and reading up did i find out what they were supposed to do.
I wouldnt demote her to bridesmaid, but I would have sat her down and told her my thoughts and feelings. Also, if she were told prior to the party that she was responsible for all alcohol (and provided she knew how many people were coming) then that was a mistake on her part. If she has no desire to be your MOH, then maybe you can offer the spot to your SIL.
Either way, just give the girl the benefit of the doubt and sit her down to talk. But to be honest, since majority of the things she was supposed to handle are done with now, it may be moot and not needed now. Just focus on your upcoming wedding and have a wonderful time!
2006-10-10 05:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, the bridal shower is supposed to be thrown by the bridal party as a whole. But really, it can be thrown by anyone.
As for your maid of honor not being helpful, I think you should say something to her. But it might be in your best interest to keep your feelings to yourself until after the wedding. You have 25 days left to go. I would imagine most of the important tasks are completed or taken care of. Why cause a problem between you and your sister now with just 25 days to go. If you were going to talk to her about it then you should have done that long before now when she was slacking off in the beginning.
Sometimes maids of honor and bridesmaids just don't see the wedding from the bride's perspective. For you, you see it as the most important day of your life (and rightfully so!!). For your sister, it's probably a big pain in the rear. All of the attention is on you. She's just in charge of doing things. That's not always "fun" for the bridal party. It's work. And your sister should not have taken on the role of maid of honor if she wasn't willing to fulfill the role.
But I would just chaulk it up to bad judgement (your sister wasn't really the best person for the job even if she's the closest person to you) and then let it go for now. Enjoy these last few weeks! Don't let a potential arguement become a problem for you.
2006-10-10 07:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am almost through planning my own wedding and can understand how stressful it can be, especially without help. None of my bridesmaids are helping me, which is fine. My matron of honor lives out of town and is my sister, but since we don't live close it would be hard for her to help me anyways.
Keep in mind that not everyone will be as excited about your day as you are. Also, remember that just because they are in your bridal party, that they DO NOT have to help you plan your wedding. I had a hard time understand this part myself--and I know I am not the only one who forgets this. Typically the maid of honor throws the bridal party/bachelorette night. Maybe she was stumped for ideas and could't think of anything, or didn't know that this was something you wanted? Since I don't know the situation it is hard to tell. When my sister got married I wasn't even in the wedding, and I didn't help her at all. This wasn't because I didn't love her, or she didn't want me a part of her day, but she had a lot of stuff taken care of already. She didn't have a bridal shower or bachelorette party.
I'm not having a shower or bachelorette party myself.
My matron of honor mentioned something before and I told her I wasn't really interested. So we left it at that.
Just try and keep as calm as you can about things--it is easy to get worked up over the small stuff especially at this point in your life. I know! LOL But at least you did have some people throw the two parties for you. Some people are just not into party planning or weddings in general. Just explain to your maid of honor (in a calm manner) that it was a shame you didn't get to spend more time with her while you were planning the wedding, but you are looking forward to her being there on the big day. That way you tell her how you feel but it is not such a direct attack.
Good luck and hope your wedding turns out beautifully.
2006-10-10 07:02:07 · answer #3 · answered by fallencupid79 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually my dear, the bridal shower is supposed to be thrown by the entire bridesmaid party and the bride's mother/sister/gradmother etc. It sounds as though your Maid of Honor may be a little too immature to be dealing with such and important part of your wedding. I'm sure you are frustrated, but does she work? Maybe she didn't have the money to play the part.
There can be alot involved in the duties that come along with this position- and as far as pulling her weight, well, I'm here to tell you that her support is backed by accepting your invitation to be a part of your big day. With only 25 days to go, this should all be over soon enough and i wouldn't go holding a life-long grudge.
If you have assigned any wedding day tasks for her to do; I would ssit her down to go over the details to ensure you have a little less stress the day of.
Next time you get married... pick someone responsible for the job ;-)
2006-10-10 07:03:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Even though you have 25 days left until the wedding you can still get a different maid of honor. Since your sister-in-law helped with the bridal shower and your bachlorette party maybe you could ask your sister-in-law to be your maid of honor. Maybe your maid of honor doesn't know what she's supposed to do or how to help. You should talk to her
2006-10-10 05:51:04 · answer #5 · answered by Val 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situationis difficult because your maid of honor is still in college. When I was in college I coudn't afford much especially to throw the bridal shower. I am getting married in May and my maid of honor is broke broke broke, but I have her doing little things like helping me with favors and what not. I would talk to her and say I know that things are tough with school and what not, but since your my great friend I wanted you to be my MOH, so maybe we can work on this, this and this together, I could really use your help. Since the showers have already passed I wouldn't bring that up to her.... especially before the wedding, it will hurt her feelings and it will hurt yours too, believe it or not you choose her for a reason, so don't stress your wedding is going to be PERFECT and your maid of honor will do something to suprise you, I promise.
2006-10-10 05:50:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point, the vast majority of wedding preparations (shower, parties, etc.) are over and only the wedding remains. I would merely go through with the wedding (with the problem individual as the Maid of Honor). I would have a stand-in Maid of Honor (one of the other bridesmaids) in case the original really lets you down in the end and doesn't show up or something. Then, after the wedding festivities are over, etc., I would be rather distant to the Maid of Honor and if she asks why, tell her. Be prepared for her to never speak with you again which in this case, night not be a bad thing.
2006-10-10 05:46:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not very nice of her to not show initiative, but remember you were the one who asked her, she didn't volunteer. The choice of a Maid of Honor is a tough one and if a bride wants a hands on person, then she should pick a hands on person. You can't let it bother you, b/c this is what she's like as a Maid of Honor. Try not to resent her and let it dampen your friendship though, b/c the day will come and go, but she may really just be a bad Maid of Honor, but a fabulous friend. She may also not be aware of what's expected of her and a casually asking her if she'd please do x,y or z will be the best way to get her informed about what you'd like for her to do without complaining to her and embarrasing her or making her feel defensive (especially if she loves you ,but just doesn't know any better). I'm sure that's one less thing you need to worry about, but she'll probably be receptive to your request.
Have a happy wedding, regardless. You deserve it...
2006-10-10 05:17:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like the wedding is close and there isn't much more for her to do.... and since she being so blah about it..... You have to think about this....
1. Is she the type of person who will back out the wedding if you talk to her about it and make her mad?
2. Is she understanding or is she completely overwhelmed- keep in mind it's mid term season!
3. Keep in consideration that sometime jealousy can be a be factor.
4. She is a college student- IS she having Money Problems??
Like did she bring wine cooler because that's all she can afford?
2006-10-10 05:46:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her out or have her over for lunch or dinner and tell her that you choose her as a maid of honor not only because you love her but because you thought she was someone responsible enough to handle the job and not be babysat. Let her know that she has responsibilities and if she doesn't want to live up to it, ask if it be okay if you ask someone else and she step down. Relay that the last thing you need right now is added on stress and that she isn't helping.
I would also recommend to her that she should apologize and thank your sister-in-laws that have been doing everything else.
Good luck!
2006-10-10 05:14:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anne Marie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋