is my translation stylistically correct?

Question

Heads of the 50 stock exchange companies which we examined, have earned over 150 million zloty for the first six months of this year. Among the best profitable specialists are bankers most of all. In the first half year, the staff officers of the Millennium Bank collected 11,7 million zloty. Pekao and BPH collected not less from the bank cash registers - over 10 million zloty in both cases.

Answer 1

It's understandable but very awkward. Here's how I'd write it, as a native English speaker:
"The heads of the 50 stock exchange-traded companies we examined have each earned more than 150 million zloty during the first six months of this year. The most profitable specialty is banking, by far. In these first six months, the staff officers of the Millennium Bank collected 11.7 million zloty. Pekao and BPH collected similar amounts from their banks' cash registers-more than 10 million zloty in each case."

Please note that I've made some assumptions in my rewriting; for example "stock exchange-traded companies" instead of "stock exchange companies." I hope I got the sense of it right, but I can't guarantee it.

Answer 2

Heads of the 50 stock exchange companies which we examined, have earned over 150 million zloties for the first six months of this year. Among the most profitable specialists are bankers. In the first half year, staff officers of the Millennium Bank collected 11.7 million zloties. Pekao and BPH collected more from bank cash registers - over 10 million zloties each.

Answer 3

Heads of the 50 stock exchange companies, that we examined, have earned over 150 million zloty for the first six months of this year. The best profitable specialists are bankers. In the first half year, the staff officers of the Millennium Bank collected 11.7 million zloty. Pekao and BPH collected no less from the bank cash registers than over 10 million zloty in both cases

Answer 4

You might find the following a helpful edit:

Heads of the 50 stock exchange companies we examined, have between them earned over 150 million zloty in the first six months of this year. Bankers headed the list of the most profitable specialists with the staff officers of the Millennium Bank making 11,7 million zloty. Slightly behind them were Pekao and BPH who both made over 10 million zloty in the same period.

NB I replaced collected with making or made as companies "make" money. If my assumption is incorrect change them back.

Answer 5

Not in the least. I assume that the original was written in Polish and did not read like a bad translation. The English version should read the same way, i.e. getting across all the info without you knowing it's a translation...

Answer 6

The most profitable, not the best profitable.Collected no less not collected not less, other than that its fine. Im a teacher if you want some prompts!

Answer 7

Loverly

Answer 8

Lick-my-toads answer is the correct one so far.