Any military wives had to go see there husbands superior?

Question

My husband came home from work and his commander wants to see me in his office today. There is a ball coming up and I can't go because I have 2 kids, an 8 year old and a 5 month old who has never been left with any one else and is only breastfed. I also cant see spending $100.00 on a dress I will only wear that night (its a formal event). His commander is insisting my husband and I go, or there will be reprocutions. What should I go in and say other than the obvious? Should I go so he don't make my husbands life hell?

About the babysitter thing, I am new to this post and know a couple other wives who are going to the ball and don't have children. I don't feel comfortable leaving my children with just any one.

And I DO NEED A NIGHT OUT!! Haven't went anywhere for fun since last April. And I just lost the baby fat it would be fun to get dressed up.

Answer 1

Okay... you can pump your milk for a babysitter to feed the baby. You can sell your dress after you wear it. You can buy a secondhand one from the base thrift store and I know on my base I can get free gowns. There is a group that collects used gowns to give to those who don't want to pay for a new one, or those who can't afford one. It IS only one night and although you may enjoy being the stay at home mom type, later on, you'll be happier off if you take some time for you and your husband alone. I think it's stupid about the fact that he's insisting you guys go, if you really don't want to you shouldn't have to hear about it... I don't know what to do about that, but I still think you would enjoy going. You deserve to have alone time with your husband as adults, not parents... and one night every now and then will do. You should do it for yourself and for your marriage. Good luck!!!!

Answer 2

Okay, gonna make some assumptions here.. your DH is an officer, because very frequently it IS mandadtory for Officers to attend these things. Secondly, even though you say 'post' would he be Navy? our Birthday ball is this weekend across the country.


In any case, even if my assumptions are wrong:


If the Co says your DH has to go.,. he HAS to go. he cannot force you to go, but it WILL be seen in a negative light. Being new to the command, refusing to go could be seen as an insult and a desire to not be involved, something that can hurt your DHs standing at the Command, especially if he is ina position of great responsibility/leadership.

You can buy formal gowns at consignment shops at a fraction of the cost. Heck, Ebay, for that matter.

Playing the game is apart of every military career. You would be better off just aquiescing and going. Call the CDC, the Red Cross chapter on base, or the Chaplian's office and ask for a list of reliable babysitters. It isn't healthy for your children to never be without you. it isn't healthy for YOU to not get away from them once in a while to recharge.

Answer 3

Military life is great isn't it? I was never married when I was in so I didn't have to deal with that aspect, but I saw A LOT of married guys get in trouble because of their significant others (not that you are getting your husband in trouble - just sayin'). It's a tough choice. Some will say that since your husband is in the military you are too, but I know that if I was still in and married to my now wife she would have a fit and would NEVER wear a dress.

You hav two choices here. Refuse to see the commander (they can't FORCE you to do anything) and don't go to the ball which may or may not result in your husband getting into trouble - he will most likely see some unwanted attention from his superior(s). OR you can give in and go to the ball (maybe you could borrow or RENT a dress for the one night)? It is only one night, but it IS your life - GOOD LUCK!

Honestly, can anyone tell a story of a boss asking to see a spouse in a civilian job?

Answer 4

Let me guess: Your husband is either in the Army or the Marine Corps, right? This is my recommendation to you: Go ahead and go to the meeting, and make sure your husband is with you. If the commander pressures you into going to the ball, have your husband make an appointment with your servicing JAG office (but he shouldn't say anything to anyone from his unit) and tell him to ask if he has grounds to file a complaint with the Inspector General. I can tell you for a fact that the Air Force doesn't tolerate "mandatory fun," especially where spouses are involved, but I'm not sure how the other branches of the service handle it. I'm hoping you'll have a case. However, if he's told that he'll just have to grin and bear it, then go out and buy yourself a dress...

Answer 5

I don't think that is what your husband commander whats to talk to you about. A military ball is not something your husband can get in trouble for. No commander can make you go to it. It does sound like you need a night out. Do you know any young girls in your church who baby sit or any teens in the neighborhood where you live? Just ask around. It would be fun for your husband to show you off for one night.

Enjoy!!

Answer 6

You can tell him what I told my husband's platoon sgt. When I was 8 months pregnant (with high blood pressure and almost a 50 lb weight gain so I was majorly uncomfortable) I got a call about a welcome to the army class his wife was teaching and demanded I go. Well that didn't sit well with me. I was after all pregnant with the baby expected any day with a schoolage child and no one nearby to pick him up and this class was 9 hours! So I told him that while I supported my husband being in the army and that while I would go to things as I could, I am a civilian and will not have someone calling me telling what I "had to do". My poor husband was so scared about going in the next day! lol The only person that your husband's superior can tell what to do is your husband! They can not punish him for you not going...only if he doesn't go (and quite frankly the mandatory parties are a bunch of crap to me! That has never made me want to attend any my husband has had to go to!)
By the way...no my husband didn't get in trouble and his platoon sgt's wife called me and apologized for her husband being a jerk! She said in all the years he'd been in no wife had told him off and she said she thought it was great I wouldn't let anyone bully me.

Answer 7

Stop making excuses and go out and have some fun! Your husband is absolutely exagerating what the commander told him, no commander would ever say that. Our unit had certified child care providers that address your concerns about your children, I imagine they do too. If not, mention it, I bet you the commander can make it happen.

You don't have a formal dress? Every gal needs one. C'mon, kick your heels together, you might have a great time!

Answer 8

leave the children to a caretaker/ relative of yours. a Ball is an informal occasion to meet new people at the work place of your husband. Also see if there are any children room/ play room meant specifically for toddlers. being a military wife is a great challenge in itself.....only those who suffer would know! cheers!

Answer 9

Hopefully he is calling you in to offer suggestions. I don't know what branch you are in but our 1-Sgt usually are great about that kinda stuff, it is what they do. Do your best to go for your husband, when they say do something do it, if only for your husbands sake. Good luck by the way, I have a ball coming up in a month, and I am facing the same things you are... gotta do what ya gotta do though!

Answer 10

I would go not for ur husband co for u cause u have a night out,its up to you if you wanna spend it at the ball or somewhere else.If you really wanna go the ball:
1.ask your cys for a list for fcc providers they are certified and trained some of them do work on weekends or after reg. hours.
2.call red cross they have a list of certified teens that babysit

personally i would call an fcc provider(cause of our baby beeing so young).

have fun!!