What would you do?

Question

My boyfriend asked me to post this question. He found a double dvd case outside the other morning and inside it was marijuana and ... I don't know what it is called... "something to smoke it with". He was very upset especially when he learned that it belonged to his 17 year old son. His son admitted that it was his. He refused to say how long he has been doing it. He lived with his dad until he started high school and then decided he wanted to live with his mom. She is more lax when it comes to rules but, a good mama. He thinks the solution is to have him move back with him but doesn't know if that is the right solution. This is his son's senior year and he fears his son will rebel more if the move is made. He wants what is best for his son and doesn't quite know how to handle the situation. If you've been in a similar situation please help him/us know what to do. He is a good kid. We don't want him headed down a path of doom. Thanks for your sincere answers.

Answer 1

Don't overreact. Calling the cops is the DUMBEST thing that can be done.

Ten of millions of Americans have smoked MJ with no issues whatsoever, and at least one has become president.

Your b/f needs to sit down with his boy, and talk with him MAN to MAN. Don't preach, don't lecture, but listen. Then, in no uncertain terms, explain to him the consequences if he gets caught (and don't blow it out of proportion). Explain to him that at this point in his life, it may not be the best idea to do as he has other priorities in life, like education and obtaining a skill that he can use as a professional and a working member of society.

Answer 2

Well every parent wants the best thing for their child, and also keep them away from drugs and such. But ask yourself this, what did you do when you were a teenager, if you did pot back then, then you know your son will do it eventually. Maybe a compromise of I know what you are doing, but here are the consequences and this is what I did when I was your age. What you dont want to do is force him back, make him mad and angry, then he goes off to college, and then becomes more then just a pothead, drinking, more dangerous drugs, and even drop out of college, and not have a good relationship between child and parent. I fell into a similar predictment. I was restricted while growing up, couldnt even leave town, a small town, stay out past 9pm etc..and this was when I graduated high school. I then joined the Navy and became wild, doing thiings, tattoo, partying, etc...
SO the best thing to do is sit down talk, tell him what you know, and a way to calmy figure out a solution

Answer 3

I have read the other answers. I'm sure many are sincere and believe in the drivel they a spewing. Fact is pot is illegal. Fact is pot will get you jail time. Fact is most hard users started with pot. Etc. Etc. Etc.

The folks on the liberal side think talk is always the answer. Blah, Blah, Blah will fix anything and after all pot isn't serious. Well tell me all about that crap after he has spent a couple of years behind bars. Has been gang raped by a dozen thugs, has a criminal record that will screw him out of any meaningful employment, and the list goes on.

Someone, somewhere is going to get his attention. It had better be you than the law. Jump in the middle of this kid and kick pieces of him all direction while you can still make an impression.

Or just sit down and have a man to man talk with a boy about an illegal substance that isn't so bad and how his ignoring the law is sort of OK and Blah, Blah, Blah. But if you do that, plan on moving closer to a prison so you can visit.

I apologize for the brutality of my answer but unlawful activity, when unresolved, invariably escalates. If he gets away with the pot, maybe cocaine is next, how about dealing to support his habit and if you totally discount escalation, how about the influence of other druggies. Yes, I said druggies, your kid is a part of the drug culture. Like it or not, he will hangout with his kind, druggies. Thousand and thousand of examples inhabit our prisons.

Answer 4

I think marijuana isnt something to be too worried about. It doesnt necessarily lead down the path of doom, it is a substance comparable to alcohol and not everyone who trys drinking ends up screwed over in life, granted many do. Encourage the boy to finish high school, this is of utmost importance. Encourage him to be safe when using marijuana, like to not do it in public, in streets where he can be arrested, tell him not to buy it from someone he doesnt know, tell him not to let the girls use him for it, tell him not to try harder drugs, that marijuana is one thing, not that you approve but you know it could be worse, but tell him that the worse that is out there wont be tolerated.
Hes at a tough age because he prolly has some older friends that hes trying to impress, as well as the girls, and hes in transition from teenager to man and he wants to make his own choices, I think your husband should talk with him but not authoritively. My parenting philosophy is that I would rather be upset and know what my kids are doing than be happy and have no idea what they are up to. By yelling or argueing about it, a door of communication will close between these two guys and thats no good.
I wish you the best but dont get too mad, marijuana isnt that big of a deal until it makes him lazy and want to quit school.

Answer 5

I wouldn't make the child move during his senior year...you dont want to force him into a situation that would make him resentful and even more rebellious; he will be 18 soon, and if you dont maintain some sort of trusting relationship, then he could be headed for trouble, as he will be an adult, legally...however, dad needs to have an honest conversation with his son,and the mother about his drug use. Though pot is not the most dangerous of drugs, it is a "gateway" drug that can lead to much more serious abuse, i have seen it unfortunately, too many times...implore him to stop using marijuana, and explain the effects of drug use, and the consequences that it may bring...but at this point he will probably need to make his own decision; trying to force him or punish him may make the drug even more appealing....be sure to tell him how much you care for him, and explain that you dont want to see him have to pay for his mistakes...if you continue to worry about his behavior, think about seeing a family/or drug counselor...but this effort needs to begin now....because it can be a very short time before its too late.....good luck, i wish you the best, and i admire your maturity about the situation, and wanting to involve everyone in a solution.
additionally, i just saw the comment about the police...be careful with that...unless its a serious problem, calling the police can not only hurt a trusting relationship; it can also prevent him from getting financial aid for college; a drug conviction can prevent a student from getting federal financial aid, prevent him from joining the military, and a myriad of other complications arising from a conviction, even though he is still a minor, depending on your state of residence

Answer 6

I say let him smoke the reefer. If you try to stop a 17 year old from doing anything I guarantee he will rebel and do the exact opposite of what you want him to do. If he's happy at his moms leave him there. I was allowed to smoke DA reefer and drink when I was 17 as long as I was at home and as long as I wasn't drinking and driving. Smoking weed is not the worst thing he could be doing as his age. You might wanna just secretively keep a closer eye on him to make sure he isn't doing harder drugs. Drugs that really really could ruin his life...like crack, or heroin or meth or something like that. Ain't nothing wrong wit smokin a lil bud.

Answer 7

This has got to be tough as a parent. I came from a pretty bumpy childhood. Parents divorced thing, too. I rebelled when I was 12. Left dad's for mom's. Went to high school living with mom and probably did a lot worse things than your son. Throwing parties at a baby sitter's house, drinking, smoking (cigarettes and pot) at my girlfriends' parents, leaving the house with boys, sneakin out. That's what teenagers do. And my mom was the more leanient of the two as well. My dad didn't think we should have stayed with her, either, especially when he found out some of the things I had gotten myself into. However, he never 'forced' me to do anything major, like moving. My mom, either. And I thank them more than ever now. I am a successful college student in my Junior year, and a Paralegal at the largest law firm in my region.
Teenagers think they know everything, and even if they don't for some stupid reason want to learn the hard way. I think the best thing he could do for his son and him, is to be calm. STAY calm. I kind of feel bad for Mr. Dad if he never smoked pot as a teenager, he should have tried it, it's one of the stupidest things in the world. The giggles are the best part...no wait the munchies! (that was a joke) However, it is a mind stagnant, and I hate the stuff now. I like to control my mind and that stuff makes me wig out because I feel like I'm too relaxed. However, my brother did it occasionally with his buddies until he was 19.
Anyway, back to my real point. Stay calm. Talk to your son. Why does he do it? Let him answer. Stay clam, don't interrupt. If he says I don't know, tell him, fine, but that's not a good reason to do something like that, and move on. How does it make him feel? Stay clam, don't interrupt. Does he know that he could possibly go to jail for it? Stay clam, don't interrupt. Just talk. Sit outside where he doesn't feel like he is enclosed or threatened, or somewhere you know is his comfort zone. Normally, if you enter their room though they can get defensive because they may feel like you are romping on their territory or personal space. I know you are a parent and your mind races about all the bad that can happen to your little babies, but to be honest, he'll be ok.
Lastly, if he doesn't want to talk about it, say fine, but tell him, he doesn't have to be defensive with you or get mad at you, you really just want to talk, not get onto him or school him or try to tell him he's f-in up his life. You just want to talk. Normally, if you talk like a human with your kids instead of trying to tell them what they are doing to screw up there life, they will make the right decision to turn it around. Remeber what I said about having to make the wrong decisions sometimes to find out the right one is easiest? Good luck. C

Answer 8

well..it sounds like you come from a world where this is looked down up on but let me tell you from a world where things are a little more easy going...

My Mother smoked pot since as far back as I can remember.

I started smokeing it at 14!! and my mom was OK with it ( I wouldnt be )
I smoked it for 14 years . I was to stoned to notice how dumb I was acting. but since then i have joined the Army and set my life strait. he will be ok..he may loose a hjob or 2 from UA's before he starts thinking about it. But you may want to sit down with him and explain that it is a doorway to harder drugs. he may have to learn the hard way..I know i did. but he will be ok...as long as he doesnt start snorting anything up his nose and pot is the only thing he is smokeing. ask him if hes ok and try to get him into a sport or anything thats active,..he may meet some new people that arnt into it and you may be able to re direct him...good luck

Answer 9

sometimes peer pressure at school among friends , they think it's cool to drink and smoke pot , do drugs to fit in . but talking to him in a stern respectful way might help . i can imagine his dad being hurt by all this . we want nothing but best for our kids . if his mom is not one to put rules and just let it be or thinking that he is grown and he is old to do what he wants , is not good . it's kind of and it will be hard for your husband , but counseling and lots of patience might help . stand by him cause he will need your love & support and hoefully his son will reason with him especially if has been a good dad all this years . best of luck and may god bless the whole family . he sounds like a good son , just went sideways a little . but we all make mistakes and hopefully he realizes this is one of them .

Answer 10

First I would comment on at least he was truthful at admitting it was his. Second, don't make him move he'll only get really pissed and will rebel. Then you have to seriously keep asking questions and trying to make him realize it is wrong. The effects in the long run. His memory, His laziness and lack of will power will drag him down if he keeps smoking it. Good luck!...L.