Should I confront my father-in-law?

Question

My father-in-law is a jerk. Infact, he has a narsasistic personality. My friend says I should send him an article on the traits and mark on it to show him areas he needs to work on. Should I do this? I really want to tell him off. My husband is nothing like him and everyone else in his family is scared to tell him this! I'm very tempted!!

Answer 1

I would talk to my husband about this so it does not cause any arguements between you two. If he is fine with it, then yes, do it.

Answer 2

I bet it is tempting, huh? There is the risk that you will piss him off and make it worse, not only for you but the whole of your husband's family if you do it wrong, however. He does not sound like a reasonable person and I bet the rest of your husband's family haven't spoken up because they value peace and not because they are cowards. Be careful. If you don't have to live with him but at the occasional family gathering, don't bother...it's not worth the disruption and unpleasantness that will ripple throughout the whole family if you get snippy...no matter how justified.

Answer 3

It is probably better not to consider such confrontation if it is out of anger. And I realize how hard that might be.

My recommendation would be to use the following criteria:

"Is the behavior of your father-in-law interfering with your family (or otherwise negatively affecting your family)?"

In the end, you have a responsibility to your immediate family first, not extended family matters. If the behavior is such that it causes disruption in your home (as in your immediately family), perhaps communication and to a degree, confrontation, is necessary. But communicating this out of anger is probably not going to resolve much of anything. Being firm and open definitely has its place.

And definitely discuss this with your spouse. If nothing else, it is really unfair to let your spouse be caught off guard with any "fall out".

Answer 4

It will only cause an unfixable rift in your family. My father is much like your father in law. After living with him I find it best to let him live in his world, because whenever I opened my mouth it just caused problems. He is a very self centered guy but if he isn't willing to change himself nothing you can say will really impact him.

Answer 5

if you think you got the guts to do it, then why not try it out. If it doesnt work, well at least you tried but if it works then i think you have done the family a great deed. Just make sure that your father-in-law doesnt bite your head off! and, one more thing, proceed gently...

Answer 6

It's always tempting to try to get an a s shole to see themselves as others see them... but being an inlaw, you have to live with this person in your life for a long time so I'd advize against it this time. But if you can't help yourself... let him have it!!! hehe!

Answer 7

If you let him find out AFTER you wrote or said something, it will only make matters worse. Confront him face to face. And yes, tell him, but come up with ways he could improve himself, don't just bash.

Answer 8

Who gave you the authority to be in charge of reviewing peoples faults with them?

Showing him "areas he needs to work on"? Who in the hell do you think you are?

Answer 9

Go for it girl. I would. But I am the type that tells people what I think anyway and afterwards, they usually have more respect for me standing up to them.

Answer 10

You probably need a group intervention to really get results. Good luck with whatever you try.