my brother died 6 years a go i have not let go i blame my self where can i go to get help with this i,am stil

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear about your loss and I definitely appreciate the feelings you are having. All losses take time and go through stages and sometimes even when you think you have dealt with them, they return and it is like a pain in your chest that you can hardly stand, especially when you think back to memories of times you spent with your brother. This is not an easy process to go through and it takes as much time as it takes for each individual.

I once counselled a woman whose brother was working as a security guard and put a riffle in his mouth and blew his head off. She felt enormous guilt about this because a few weeks ago he was given time off work he said he was cleaning his riffle but his boss throught differently but had no proof. So this woman I was counselling felt that she was responsible for his death because she should have known that he intended to kill himself given the boss' concerns about how he was handling the gun when he said he was cleaning it.

During the time I counselling her, what came up was not that she really felt guilty in the sense of responsible for her brother`s death but that she was holding on to a perfect house with a picket fence fantasy for her life and that this was not fitting into it. To make this more general, most people find it difficult to accept that bad things happen, like death or serious illness, to people in our lives or ourselves and as a result, they cling so much to their wanting to have this perfect image of life that they think they can control life and when they cannot they feel that they have failed and that is when they start feeling this culpability, guilt feeling, for not being or doing better, when life just isn't perfect.

This woman finally freed herself of this sense that she was responsible for making sure life was good and everyone in her life was doing good, and started to enjoy living (which unfortunately and truly sadly includes dying as well).

Please give yourself the permission to enjoy living...

Answer 2

You should find a counselor to go to. Seriously, the guilt you are carrying is holding you back in life and stopping you from being truly happy. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself but counseling will really help you work through this and start a new life.Many insurances will pay for counseling and also the United Way has counseling services and only charge you according to your income. Please get some help with this. No one should have to live carrying the burden of guilt for so long.