why am i always so angry?

Question

Lately various things send me into a rage. I've been having trouble with my relationship, finances, and the way my children listen to me. I think it's all came after my rage episodes, so it's pretty much self-inflicted. My financial problems stem from me not wanting to be at work due to anger and frustration with people there. I have a high stress job. I know that I can't blame my life for my feelings. I didn't used to be this way. Any real psychologists out there please respond! It's becoming overwhelming and I'm afraid it's going to ruin my relationships. My tolerance is just way too low for ANYONE. I feel like being alone alot of the time. It's not possible for me to take a vacation at this point. I've taken a couple of extra days off from work, but I feel as much stress at home as I do at work. I haven't been working the normal overtime that I had been working and we're going to start doing things together as a family again. I need some coping skills!!!

Answer 1

First of all, I am not a PhD.
However, you need to see someone, to determine your cause for the anger. Anger is fear, often from unresolved issues. You display some clear signs of depression.

In the meantime, try to take good care of yourself. Try to do what soothes you; take a bath, meditate, sit on a porch swing, grow something, stroke your pet...Additionally, get more nutrition, more sleep, and more exercise. Pamper yourself. Realize that it's not the amount of stress, It's how you handle the stress. Tell friends and family how much you are suffering, and see if they can give you time without your children, even for a few hours.

I have four, and my husband is in the Army, so I am often a single parent. I know how hard it is to cut out time to relax and to exercise, but if you want to feel better, you have to do it. You have to focus on your health, and focus on what the anger and stress is doing to your health.

Money comes and goes, and finances do not have to ruin your life, but there are counselors for that, too.

Just keep going, and take time out for yourself, and make an appointment for the help you deserve. Good luck, and Better Days.

Answer 2

I am not a doctor, but I am a caregiver for my terminally ill wife. So, I have experience with a wide range of medications and treatments surrounding. Some of that experience can apply to things outside of her Lupus and MS

First, the concept of "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps" is silly. If you had the coping skills to deal with your anger yourself, you wouldn't be here asking the question.

Second, it could be medication. Some medications can pretty much "erase" you ability to control your anger.

Third, it could be clinical depression. Although, MDD (major depressive disorder) doesn't always manifest itself as anger.

Fourth, it could be bipolar. If you have extreme highs (feeling like you are king of the world) and extreme lows...this could be an indication of bipolar.

Fifth, it could be food or drink. Caffeine and sugar can shorten fuse.

Bottom line is; talk to your doctor. I applaud the fact that you are here asking the question and asking for help. Too many people go through their lives absolutely miserable and think that is just the way it has to be.

If your doc doesn't take you seriously, fire him or her and find one that will. This can be fixed, whether it is by a psychologist, psychiatrist or general physician.

Hang in there and good luck to you.

Answer 3

Of course all is easier said than done...but taking stock of your life and livelihood is definitely in order right now. Ask your self and literally right down specifics answers about the things that are frustrating you the most. Then for each item right down any solutions that would achieve the peacefulness that you seek. Add, take away and/or change anything that you can now. Make goals to change the things you can in the future. And anything you can't change let go of for now and if there is a solution it will come you once you are in a more peaceful frame of mind.

And congratulations to you!!!! You admit that there is a problem and you need a solution--that's the first step, so reward yourself with something that really makes you happy that you really enjoy.

Answer 4

I'm not a psychologist, but I'm in your shoes. I have had issues with this all my life and only recently went on medication for it. I suffer from ADHD and PMDD. A lethal combination. I decided to go on medication when I nearly lost my job that I worked so hard to get. I'm also in a very high stress job.

The medication has helped a lot. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor. There are all kinds of medications that can help. A lot of people are having these problems. You're not alone.

Answer 5

The answers above aren't right.

This question has been researched for centuries, and the answer is this:

Anger is NOT caused by bad things happening. Anger is caused by bad things THAT YOU DON'T EXPECT to happen, or that you think shouldn't happen.

Bad things happen all the time that you don't get angry about. That's because you are prepared for those bad things, and you can see and understand why it is that way, and you planned for them.

Let me give you an example. Say you just find out you won a million dollars. Then later you realise someone was just playing a trick on you and you didn't actually win a million dollars like you expected. You would get angry.

Now say you aren't expecting to win a million dollars. You are not going to be angry when you don't.

Anger is caused by your sense of justice, or your shock that things aren't the way they should be.

Let me give you another example...
Let's say you go to catch the bus to work. And it is late. And when it gets there it sprays mud on you. That might make you angry.

On the other hand, if I tell you beforehand that you can get to work either by catching a taxi, which will be expensive, or you could catch a bus that will probably be a bit late so you'll have to wait, and it might be a bit muddy; and you choose to catch the bus knowing it will be a bit late and muddy because that is the best deal... then you won't get angry when it happens. Because you are expecting it, and because you recognise it as an inevitable part of the better deal.

So the solution to this is to PLAN beforehand! You should know things are going to go wrong, because bad things happen. Make a list of all the bad things that could possibly go wrong. That way when they do go wrong you will be expecting it and you won't get angry. And then if things don't go wrong, you will be pleasantly surprised!

Before you go to work you need to recognise what going to work is... there will be lots of stupid jerks there, they will probably say and do the same old stupid annoying things. Laugh at their stupidity and predictability. Plan for the stupid annoying things they are likely to do. But hey, you are getting paid for it, so what do you care?! They are the ones with the problems, you are the one who knows how to deal with things. Once you have already expected and accepted what will happen during the day, you will not get angry about it.

The same goes for your family stuff. Of course children aren't going to listen to you, that's what children do! :-) Not listening is standard child behaviour. That is just one of their cute little amusing traits. Comedians love to observe traits like that. It's funny because its true. You can learn to expect it, accept it, and even see the amusing side of it. Just think about what they are likely to do in advance and plan for it.

Ah relationships. Aren't they funny things. All relationships have problems. It is quite predictable. You know the sort of annoying things your partner is likely to do. And you know the sort of annoying things you are likely to do to them that you will then feel bad about. Just think about them a bit in advance and realise that they really won't be the end of the world when they happen, and that they will be ordinary manageable things. Then when they actually happen you won't be angry about it.

If you are worried about being around people, don't worry. Yes things will go wrong because people are annoying and say stupid things sometimes. That's just the way people are. When people want company, they want it even with those things. But you know in advance what sort of stupid annoying things they are going to do and say, so you can deal with it when it happens.

Anyway, I'm not a psychologist, but that is the way anger works. Hopefully knowing how anger works will help you prevent it by predicting and accepting the bad things before they happen.

Answer 6

As many have suggested, there could be issues of unmet needs, stress or some physiological disorder.

About 9 years ago, my wife and mother-in-law sat me down and said I was not acting like "myself" and that I was very reactionary and needed to go the doctor and figure out what was wrong.

I went to my family doctor and he diagnosed me with diabetes. My blood sugar had become high enough to affect my mood.

The bottom line is, I would go to my general MD and rule out any possible medical explanation. If the MD can't explain it, go to a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I have the exact same feelings. I also have Clinical Depression. See your doctor and tell him all your symptoms. Chances are the anger isn't the only one you're experiencing. Look depression up on the web and get some info on the symptoms. If you don't have them, you're just stressed out. If you have them, get some help. And remember it's a physical illness too. Medication really is helping me. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

how long have you been with you r wife for a vacation? if the children is noisy, you can ask you parents or relative to take care of them for a few day. you both need to build up this relationship again. remember what you told your wife when you got married ? when you ask her to marry you? that you will love her and take care her till the end of the world? this is where you gain your energy back. you have put down all the way just find yourself back. i m sorry i don know how stress you job is but i hope it will help.

Answer 9

anger comes from lack of needs. you need something you are not getting.
weather it be physical, material or a chemical.
Try speaking with a doctor or specialist, or figure out what will make you happy. If you get the thing that makes you happy then fall back into the anger mood again it is a sign of depression. You need medicine for a chemical imbalance.

Answer 10

try some relaxation exercises, meditation, prayer, and even a vigrious exercise program can help. sounds like stress is getting to ya, there is anger management classes if other methods dont work as for urr kids try a different approach to discipline, show them u mean businees and stick to the consequences (not spanking) but grounding or taking fun stufff away. if these dont help maybe a mild nerve pill or even having a therapist to talk to is helpful, it is nice to have a neutral party to vent to and can give you some good coping skills tips.....Good luck!!!!