How can I help my brother through this?

Question

My bro is 14, and has been abused for nearly ten years by my father. I wasn't, and I just got back and I had no idea what the heck was going on, and I caught him in the act. Now, he thinks it's normal and wont report it to the police! I'm18, now, though. Can I sue for custody and child support? I have my own apartment and reasonable pay.

Answer 1

My utmost sympathies for your horrific news. And I must say I truly respect you for your courage in dealing with the situation.
Firstly, you must check the law, I can understand your brother not wanting to go to police, but you can check to see whether legal custody can be transferred to you under the circumstances.
Secondly, please do not make this decision lightly, I fully appreciate that your main priority is to protect your brother but he will need counselling and will most probably rebel against you as you are forcing him to 'deal' with the situation. I was abused as a child and it takes travelling to hell and back to deal with it, are you willing to watch and stand by your brother's side whilst he goes through that? No-one will blame you if you shift the responsibility onto someone else, you are only 18 yourself and lets not forget the trauma you have gone through finding out about the abuse.
You will both need expert guidannce, in dealing with this in a sensitive way. For both your sakes I hope you stay together, your brother will need your support.
Please do not feel guilty for not doing anything sooner, you did not know and you were only a child yourself.
Seek help, support each other and show your brother that not all relationships are abusive.
I wish you strength, take care and all the very best.
x

Answer 2

There are many forms of abuse out there and none of them are good. You don`t have an option here do you? You are going to be a coconspirator if you don`t do something and quickly. The more time that lapses you will have to account for when all of this comes to light. But more importantly the seconds that have slipped by allowing more abuse as you ponder on this only heap more accountability on your own head. A call to the local authorities first of all, second of all getting the sibling out of the environment safely. Will he come along willingly and will he testify against his father? He needs to be counceled by a child physcologist and be tested to determine if he has been injured and to what degree. Yes you might be able to get custdy but 18 is a very young age and could be a problem is there another trusted family memeber that could do that until you are 21 or 25 yoa.
Good luck and God`s Speed.
Prayers lifted for you both.
Jim

Answer 3

Report your father, your brother won't do it. The authorities will probably let you have custody of your brother if you are in a position to be able to take him into your home. The state will then give you support payments to help defray the cost to you. You will have to go and apply for them.
If you feel uncomfortable bringing the state into it, take your brother out of the home, telling your father he is to stay away from both of you or you will report him to the authorities. If he doesn't do as you tell him, report him.
You are in charge now, not your father or your brother. Think of it that way, then do what you have to do. There will be nothing easy about it, but I think you will be able to handle it, judging from your question. You will have to stand firm against your father, but you have the upper hand in this situation and need to play it to the hilt.
After you have your brother in your custody, take him to get counselling so he knows what father did is not normal, and he can adjust to the new normal in his life. There are many mental health facilities nationwide. After you get bro on assistance, Medicaid will pay for the therapy.
You are to be commended for taking on this awesome responsibility. I hope it all works out for the best for you and your brother.

Answer 4

You can report the man yourself, since you caught him in the act you are a witness to the abuse. If the abuse has harmed your brother in a manner that is sexual or physical and leaving any signs of evidence you can obtain custody of your brother. You must be of legal age, have the finances to support him and am able to provide acceptable shelter for him to live in. That is as long as no other immediate family member is willing to fight for his custody. You should look into counseling for him also so he gets a better understanding of what has happen to him. Start immediately do not wait until it is to late if your father is aware that you know he may decide to deal with it in a manner that could lead to more serious consequences.

Answer 5

First things first, you need to get him out of there. Keep him safe. Call the police, even anonamously at first and they will tell you exactly what to do or who to call that can. Have a list of questions ready. Like am I legally able to apply for custody?
If not, who will be granted custody?
Will he be put into foster care and what are the chances of that outcome?
What do I have to do to help the proceedings?
Basically anything you are worried about. Have all additional information ready if they have questions for you, like are there any other relatives such as grandparents or aunty and uncles who can temporarily care for him.
Seriously, I've been there and wish nothing but the best for your brother and you. Remember, nothing could be worse than the abuse. Love your brother and let him know that.

Answer 6

Honey, the VERY first thing you need to do is call the police,NOW!!! You can help him the most by getting your father away from him. Please do not wait. You can call the police, your brother does not need to be the one to report the abuse. You can tell the police that he can stay with you. This is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever go through in your life but you need to do it for your brother. Your brother is going to need a lot of love, support and counseling. You can also file a petition to gain custody of your brother. If you get custody there are state programs to help you raise him. I am so sorry this is happening to your brother and yourself, no one deserves to be victimized like that. Be strong. Good luck and God bless. Please also find someone you can trust to lean on through all this, you will need someone to talk to because it will take a toll on you as well. Please post again to let me know how you are doing I really do care. Or just add @yahoo.com to my screen name and send me a note. I'll be there if you need someone to talk to. You are very brave to take care of this and your brother. He is lucky to have a brother that cares and loves him. Stay strong.

Answer 7

Report your father to the police today. They will investigate and prosecute even without your brothers consent. The man is sick and needs to go to jail. Then you can obtain custody through Child Protective Services, as long as you can prove that you can take care of your brother. Good luck and God Bless you both.

Answer 8

You are a wonderful pirate for wanting to take care of your brother. You should call your state social services agency or police department as soon as possible. It's not unusual for victims of abuse to decline to report it, especially when it's within the family. Unfortunately, your brother lived with abuse for so much of his life he probably thinks it's normal. You may not be able to care for your brother right away, social services will probably put your brother in foster care first (if he is even removed from the family situation, sometimes it takes a long time for the state to prove the child needs to be removed). You have to check the laws in your state, but if you meet with a social worker or policeman, you can let them know you are financially independent and willing to take over his care and they can tell you how to proceed. Hoewever, taking care of a teenager, especially one with extraordinary circumstances such as your brother, can be a challenge.

Answer 9

You have to make sure that a. you have some kind of proof of the abuse. B. your brother has to want to testify against your dad in court. C. you have some way to support him and you, that's major, the courts really do investigate to make sure you have a place, a suitable place, money to get food, clothes, pay the bills, ect...Good luck with the whole situation, if I were you I would try my best to get my brother to go to get some kind of help. good luck

Answer 10

Yeah, you're an adult you can take custody of an abused family member but you have to establish a child abuse charge first or your father will have to relinquish custody.