Living with someone with a partner who may have a mental disorder?

Question

Sleeping problems. Sex. Coping with work. Social interaction.Pretends all she is fine but this exhaust her and she takes it out on me at home.Bulimia.Irregular menstruation.Lies to cover up internal conflicts.Has an elderly mom - who means well, but I believe may contribute to her instability - !?
I have lived with my partner for 3 years and gradually seen deterioration in all the above. I have suffered alone trying to help and be understanding. She went for counselling , but at £20-30 a hit became costly.
Had a bad childhood and now seems to be creeping into her adult life. I love her dearly; but fear that living with her sometimes irrational fears.."so and so does nt like me" - from just looking at a person. To lately I am the cause of her problems!!? has damaged or starting to damage me too. I became totally focussed on trying to help her because I love her so much and my work and I believe my state of mind too has begun to suffer.
Please help. Anyone with similar experiences

Answer 1

Send her back to counselling. Yes, it's expensive, but it's worth every penny. She's got to want to deal with her problems, as well. The counselling will help. Another alternative is drug therapy for depression and anxiety disorder like Zoloft or Paxil.

Definately get her treated for the Bulimia. That alone will cause severe imbalances in the body that can help amplify the mental problems and cause other physical problems. Sometimes, people with Bulimia or other eating disorders embrace these disorders because they feel a semblance of control over their lives when they micromanage food. Also, the physical toll on the body is horrendous. Remember Terri Shivo? If her electrolytes get out of whack, she could have a heart attack and worse.

Money's just so much paper but we only have one life each. Get her the treatment she needs. Please remember to take care of yourself, as well.

My first husband was Bipolar and untreated. He used drugs to help normalize himself. I left him. After his second marriage, he finally got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and now is in a stable and happy relationship with kids. Any kind of mental or emotional disorder can destroy a relationship or even that person. Don't hesitate on the treatment end.

Answer 2

Get Help.
You need support if your relationship is going to survive:
See your GP yourself. Ask them about support groups, where to get information, how to help your partner. If you use the same GP, then they will have gained a third person's view of your partner's health.
Talk to your close friends about your issues. Maybe there is a friend of your partner's whom you can enlist in encouraging her seeking help. There is advice about how to do this at "beyondblue" (see below).
Web Help: There are probably many sites with advice and information. The Australian Government have had a big Mental Health campaign running for a few years now, and I think their website is useful for information aimed at the freinds and family of people with MH problems both before and after diagnosis. This can be found at www.beyondblue.org.au. Abviously you need contacts for local societies etc, so check out the Mental Health Foundation (www.mentalhealth.org.uk) or just google Mental Health for UK websites.

Maintain your own health:
Eat well, Keep regular sleep patterns if your Job allows, Exercise, take a break (with or without your partner).
The eating well (by which I mean home cooked meals and a balanced diet) will also encourage her to eat well. Don't buy junk food to have round the house. Advice on your food purchasing / cooking and general diet is obviously very important, as you have mentioned that she has possible bulimia.

Mental Health issues are often misunderstood, and your partner may feel that a diagnosis of depression or similar means a lifelong illness and a lifetime of taking drugs. She needs to know this isn't the case. The use of medication can be a crutch to aid getting out of the rut we have got into, while we sort out other aspects of our health, such as diet, excersize, counselling, as well as other methods of improving coping skills. Don't expect counselling to work by itself, unless you can afford to keep going for a year or more. To get 'value for money' from the counselling, use a multimodal approach (as described above) which may include medication from your GP or Psychiatrist.

Visit your local library:
Check out what they have at the local library in the subject of mental health. If you have the books lying around because you're reading them, she may be inclined to read them as well. Don't force it though. I haven't read it, but several people close to me have read a book called "They **** you up" [the title of the book doesn't contain '*'s but the actual f-word]which looks at the types of relationships we can have with our parents. It may be helpful, but will probably at least be a little funny. There are no doubt plenty of books out there that look at Bulimia, Depression, and other Mental disorders. Get on line and see if any might interest you (and her) - and then see if your library has it.

Good luck

Answer 3

First of all, get help for yourself. Go see your GP. If you can, get your SO to see her GP and go with her. (I suspect, however, that will be difficult if not impossible. . . ) If your GP doesn't offer you significant help, go back and ask for a referral to a mental health specialist for yourself. Yes, I know, you're the stable one. However, going in through the back door may be the only way you can get help for your partner. Ultimately, if she does not get help voluntarily, it sounds as if she will, before long, get help involuntarily. The fact that she is developing paranoid symptoms (that person hates me) is an alarming one that indicates her overall mental state is deteriorating into a dangerous stage. The longer she goes untreated, the harder anything like this becomes to treat.

But first and foremost, look after yourself. If you do decide to stick with her, the bad times may only just be starting and you will need all your strength to maintain your stability and nurture your love. Be gentle on yourself, forgive yourself (don't start to believe her that her problems are your fault--she is simply ill and you wouldn't blame yourself if she suddenly developed cancer, now would you?)

(Personally, I hope you do stick as long as she gets help--I was once her, had a man who stuck by me even when I 'hated' him. I would not be here today if it weren't for him. We celebrated our 3rd anniversary on Tuesday.)

Answer 4

You should make an appointment with your GP and discuss it with him. he can refer her for counselling on the NHS which would be free.
It sounds to me that she has a number of issues which need to be resolved and the only way she will do this is by talking them through with somebody properly and putting a properly thought out plan of action into place.

In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing. She very lucky to have somebody so supportive in her life.

Answer 5

i agree with lyn w's answer above. the gp should be able to get you some free/subsidised counselling if income is an issue.

i doubt you are the cause of her problems just that you are close and therefore in the line of fire more often than others. she probably greatly values you for being there for her but cos of her issues is not as aware of that as she could be. hang in there - as long as it is safe to do so.

Answer 6

Apart from the other answers here YOU need help / support. Go to your Dr & tell them everything. I think you may need counselling &/or chemical support in order to give you the strength to carry on. Don't be on your own with this one. Talk to your Dr. NOW!

Answer 7

i think counselling is the answer it worked for me.Is there no voluntary organisations in your area that provide counselling free or for a minimum fee ask at CAB office they may know

Answer 8

I'm really, sorry to hear this. You should contact your GP and seek advice. It seems that both of you need help. Your partner more than you.

Good luck.

Answer 9

The Lord says to 'do unto others as you would wish to be done by...'...meaning,...show your continued support and compassion..patience and perseverance......talk to some professional, or agree to go with her to try to get her some help..and above all,...pray on it for strength...'from someone who knows'...

Answer 10

yes mate i know what you are going thro . mine ended in divorce it was like a weight being lifted from my shoulders its hard but there's no other easy way out. i try-ed to help but it kept being turned around to be my fault. get out now before you are scared for life