Having Children?

Question

My boyfriend who already has a 7 year old from a previous relationship has told me over the weekend that he would like another child. I have always said that i didn't want children but this huge thing has been dropped in my lap and i am taking into consideration everything involved before making my final decision. My main worry is that i wouldn't look after the child properly and i am only 25, 26 next month and i am not sure i want to give up my freedom

Don't get me wrong my partner is a wonderful father to his child and he would be putting as much effort into raising this child as i would be and i know he would support me fully if anything happend in our relationship.

I don't want to get married, just because i am married doesn't mean that my relationship doesn't mean as much

Answer 1

If you feel that you arent ready then it is probbably a sign that you arent.
Children are are blessing and once they are here there is no turning back.
ISome people belive you have to be financially secure or with the right person but I think that the **** can hit the fan in anyones life no matter how perfect their world is.

I am a mum to a 3 year old and another one due in march and it is very rewarding to have children but you also have to work hard at it

Answer 2

There is only one answer to this. If he truly, definitely wanted a child with you - he'd be offering a marriage proposal instead of asking if he doesn't have to buy condoms anymore. Also, if there were any surrounding events prior to this big idea of his, I would rethink it. Usually it has to do with a disagreement with his ex, that you don't know about. Could be something so miniscule that he doesn't even realize it. I've seen men get married for spite, and/or have another child just to out-do the ex.

Think of it this way. He has a 7 yr old. That boy does not have a father full time. Sure, your b/f is around for fun, and "helps." But he is not really a good father. A good parent never leaves their child, will kiss their child good night every night, and makes sure that child is housed, clothed, fed, & loved every day.

If there is marriage in the future, then he is serious. But, responsibility will show which is in his real heart. Otherwise, he still has an option for an easy out. You are definitely an intelligent woman, to have some alarms on this. Think it through, completely. And think about what you would want not only for your life, but your child's. Because it will be more of your freedom that will be given up - than his.

Answer 3

If I where you i'd sit down and have a chat with your boyfriend, and let him know that right now your life doesn't want to have a baby. But maybe in a year or two and we are married I may think about it. Tell him that a baby is a big responcibility and that you are just not ready for that yet. Say once we get married, than you'll think about it. Say you just want to get the parties and the single life finished before you bring in a child into this world. And if he leaves you over it than I guess it wasn't meant to be, let him know that you love him and would like to have his child, but not right now at this point of your life, tell him that you'll think more seriously about it, with in a certain time span, weather it be a year, two years, what ever it is, but you want to get some things out first, and want to be married first before you bring a child into this world. After all I don't think that you want to raise a child on your own do you? I would just be truthful to him and let him know that at this point of your life you are not ready to have a baby. He should understand and respect your wishes if he really loves you.

Answer 4

If you don't want children, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN! If my boyfriend said, 'let's have a baby' I think I would laugh my butt off and tell him to get a concubine 'cause there is no way that I'd ever allow that to happen to me!

If you are unsure, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN! You'll end up miserable and feeling tied down to your boyfriend and to your child. Your whole family will suffer and forget about sex or fun adult things for awhile. It won't be happening with a baby around.

Then again, if you actually like children for some reason and enjoy the thought of actually having your own for some reason and can financially and emotionally support this child while holding on to your relationship and your life outside that child, have kids. Honestly though in my opinion, you'd have to be a nutter.

Answer 5

Ask him if he is going to be the one to take care of this child..bet you he says no. It's easy to want something if you dont have to do the work. Trust me...if you dont want children then doing it for him will be the worst move of your life. He might fall in love with someone else next year and you will be left holding th baby so to speak. Besides every child should be born wanted by both parents. Are you ready to be totally committed to him and the child? Maybe you should get married first? He already has a child...let him give his love to that one.

Answer 6

Don't embark on anything that you aren't ready for. Children are a huge responsibility. I know of women who decided against having children and it works for them.I also know of womenwho said that they didn't want any children but that all changed when thy met their mates. My 14 year old daughter says it all the time. I personally can't imagine life without my children, they are a blessing. But to each it's own. Don't feel pressured into having a baby that you do not want, you may grow to resent the child. If your only concern is properly caring for the child maybe parenting classes will help.

Answer 7

you are right to hesitate. When i saw my first child "fresh" from birth, it was not really a feeling of joy, dont get me wrong, i love him very much, but joy was not the verb that day. It was a feeling of awe i would say. That a life is born. To see life created. At the same time, i heard myself say in "stock market" terms. which i was very involved at that time, this one "cannot cut loss". There was a sense of burden of what the future hld for this life that i have "created". And i am responsible, together with the mother, no less, but neverthelss, this is a lifethat i have helped bring into. So many questions, life questions i dont have answers to, and here i am bringing a life into this world ? Am i in the right mind. But since it already happened I would have to trust myself and my wife that we can do the best we can. As for you, you have to follow the instint of your heart and nature. And heaven that will guide you. Its not something that you can weigh the pros and cons and say, the pros outweigh the cons therefore i do it. And if you have to weigh, weigh the spiritual issues as well as the physical ones. Bless you. Thats the journey of life.

Answer 8

DON'T do it! Keep and value your freedom. You will have at least 18 years that you are tied down, freedom lost. A previous relationship? Is yours going to end up the same way?? He seems like one of those men that go from woman to woman , get em pregnant, then leave. Does he pay child support for the first? Will he pay child support to you when he leaves you? DON'T DO IT! If he can't respect your decision to NOT have kids, let him walk, he will never respect you. I can't emphasize enough, baby, DON'T DO IT!

Answer 9

When you have children you do have to give up your complete freedom and then when you do want to go somewhere you have to make plans who will watch them? if they cancel who will watch them? what do i need to pack? how much is this babysitter?when do i need to be home? can they handle my child? and the list goes on and on. Id try waiting til yall are at least married. Then maybe youll want to "settle" down and devote the rest of your life to having children...It's a huge responsibility and everyone should get to have that time in there life where they just had "fun" take everything into consideration and goodluck to you:)

Answer 10

You have plenty of time. If you do not want to give up your freedom then you are not ready.

Besides that, you are not a baby making machine that has to make a baby because your boyfriend wants one. If he can't commit to you by getting married first, what makes you think he will commit to raising another child?