Our parenting styles are differnt..he is WAY to permissive and layed back about the things his children do ie listening to inappropriate music or being disrespectful. When it comes to my children (who are not perfect) he is quick to judge and point fingers. I am more strict and structured than he is and I'm trying to convince him to go to parenting classes....he is stand-offish about it. How do we handle this?
2006-10-09 21:44:41 · 11 answers · asked by computergrl69 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If yall aint on the same page with regards to parenting, then you need to decide what's more important: your relationship with this man, or how your children will be raised.
He's not going to change, you're not going to change. Since you won't be able to see eye to eye and have a united front, you will fight and bicker about these things CONSTANTLY.
2006-10-10 04:00:58 · answer #1 · answered by Manny 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The parents have to come to a common ground.
I think that it should be the father as main disciplinarian for his children and the mother for her children. That way it does not appear that one parent is taking the place of the "missing" parent. The children of the biological parent tend to obey the biological parent more than the "step" parent. It's very difficult especially when they are older children!
This won't work though if one parent has different rules. It won't be fair for the other kids. If one grounds for bad grades, the other should do the same.
You and your partner need to sit down and make a plan of action that you both can work with and agree on. Then stick to that plan for all of the children.
2006-10-10 04:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by Older Sister 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't married, PLEASE FOR YOUR SAKE, AND THE SAKE OF ALL THE CHILDREN, do not get married. Your problem is insolvable. Just for beginners, from what you say in your question, the entire problem is his; none of it is yours. AND, you are your children's mother, you are not going to change. It might be unfair to force the "evil step-mother" which you will SURELY become to them, onto his children.
I mean this to be helpful, but don't think adults need baby talk, and I have had so much professional experience with broken marriages, that I feel secure in what I'm saying.
If you are married, YOU seek counseling, whether he goes or not and listen to what your professional advises. Consider divorce, the grounds are there because these differences I recognize as irreconcilable.
Perhaps wait until the children are grown before you live together, since I assume the children are your number one concern and not just your own happiness with a particular man.
2006-10-10 05:01:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sometimes it is hard. I'm sure you feel like the "bad guy" in a situation like this. My mom and father were just like that. Mom was the disciplinarian, my father was not. I knew I could get away with anything if I went to dear old dad. It caused a lot of conflict between my mother and my father. My mom told my dad, she is only looking out for my best interests. She wants to prepare me for life in the real world. Lets face it, you can't always get your way as an adult! I wish life was that simple. Explain your methods to him, and why they work for you. Treat his kids how you treat your own kids. If he doesn't like it, then he needs to find someone that is just as wimpy as he is. However, if he does agree that you are better at disciplining, maybe it will be best you handle that part of the job. It could be considered complimenting each other. If he chooses to let you be the disciplinarian, then he needs to know that what you say to the kids GO! He can't sit and undo your descisions. Otherwise, conflict will ensue again! Sit down and talk talk talk about this, otherwise this relationship is in jeapardy.
2006-10-10 04:59:32 · answer #4 · answered by Jay S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with luckycat. Issues such as these should have been discussed before getting together especially since you have your children and he has his. He will always favor his own over yours. His parenting style may not be wrong. It's just that you don't agree with it. If you don't like it, that's really a problem. Telling him to go to parenting classes is like telling him he doesn't know how to raise kids. That's why he's not willing to do this. You will have to come to some sort of compromise. otherwise, there will be no harmony in your relationship.
I would suggest that you agree that he parent his kids, you parent your kids and he will not interfere with you parenting your kids and you, likewise, will not interfere with him parenting his kids.
2006-10-10 07:05:02 · answer #5 · answered by Erize Z 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, just make sure you raise all the kids united, you have the same standards for all of them and you agree in front of the kids. Discuss any objection you have in private. Obviously, when it comes to your kids you will have the veto about what decisions are made and vice versa with his kids. It is important in order not to confuse the children.
2006-10-10 04:55:41 · answer #6 · answered by cpinatsi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't blend, Run before your have kids. This will always be a issue for you. You will never be able to change his personality. I side with you style, go find someone who is more like minded.
2006-10-10 05:06:29 · answer #7 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Partner.....is the key word. You both must be together on this! If not, the kids will play you against each other, and soon your relationship will be over. An old story. Get together, Be true partners, or leave him.
2006-10-10 04:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When a man & a woman, get married, they come from different backgrounds. Your children should have the best of both of you. It is very common, if if both come from the same religion, locality, caste , creed, race, etc..
2006-10-10 04:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen to each others ideas and come to a compromise
2006-10-10 09:42:20 · answer #10 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋