we were having fights since few months and today also we went into an argument and he was pointing out things he don't like in me..
.. outgoing nature
.. going out with my friends who r boys (he says he is not comfortable)
.. he needs a complete transform of me
in the beging of our relation he was fine with anything and was cool.. but now not ok with anything in me...
he is soo possessive about me that he don't like me talking about any guy in this world for example if i go for a movie and say the hero looks cute.. he goes nuts..
today we had a hugeee argument and finally went nuts and said lets breakup and left... but i'm feeling bad again.. i'm feeling very down.. coz i luv him like crazy... and feeling very bed that he is not understanding me... plz tell me am i right or wrong??
2006-10-09 21:26:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok before i even say anything, the following things are just ways that i'm trying to help you. Ok so... lemme ask you this, in majority of the situations, why do guys always have to come back and say sorry and make up for stuff? Do you women ever say sorry to your boyfriend, not that i'm saying you're wrong, but i'm just giving you some consideration. The dude gets jealous or goes nuts when you go to movies with bunch of guys, do you feel kinda jealous when he goes to the movies with a whole bunch of chicks? (be honest to yourself). Matter of facts is that most of the guys DO NOT feel comfortable to be around their girlfriend's guy friends. It's just the natural way. I agree with you about how he went nuts when you said the hero looks cute, maybe that's just a little too protective there. But think about this, why is he so ... tight up? so jealous? Because he loves you, and simply he doesn't want to loose you. Now that you guys broke up, does it matter who's right or wrong? all it is left now is two of you are separate...If you think that you're the only one who's suffering right now... you're truely selfish, because the dude is about to die right now, he's suffering even more. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong now, it's the matter of who's going to take the initiative and actually come and say :"ok look, i was wrong, and you were wrong too". We both were wrong, now can we sit down and talk about the situation? and try to fix whatever the problems are? I hope I helped.
2006-10-09 21:37:09 · answer #1 · answered by Tank D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What your heart tells you and the head is total confusion. Know that the arguments are always about how you should change can put a damper on any relationship. I came to the realization that if i can't be accepted for who i am and what i do that i know is in the right and is my nature....the person didn't really want to be with me. Just someone to mold into his creation. Love hurts and it hurts bad to love someone who doesn't ever seem to be eye to eye with you.
But in the long run, going with what your gut tells you is right...or at least the smart way of it all helps you out in the end. But try to talk it out....if he chooses not to listen to you then he needs to come to the terms with you and not what he wants you to be. If you both can sit without picking at each other totally apart and letting the other know what you think is wrong with the other you should be able to come to a mutual agreement among the terms you have set before you. If neither can give in and truly listen...then a relationship may not be the key for the moment.
But like guys i have come across some females who are the same way. Controlling is never the answer in a relationship...they never survive unless the controller is giving in every time.
2006-10-09 21:35:50 · answer #2 · answered by scornedscarlet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did a right thing. A person who can't accept you for who you are, physically and mentally is not someone worth being with.. If he really loved you, he will never change you for his benefit.. Another thing, what I hate in a relationship (argument) is throwing blames and negative attitudes on your partner.. There's no need to point out those things since each and everyone of us have their own faults..
Being possessive is common in guys but then, there are limits.. If you are always arguing over small things (which soon turned out huge because of arguments) then, what will you be expecting in the future? What's more, think of how the two of you will argue if you live in the same roof? Again, you did the right thing, move on and be cool.. There's much more in life than this!
2006-10-09 21:32:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are feeling terrible now because you still have feeling for him...but the way you write up there seems clear to me that you think he wants you to change...and that's not a good sign.
He's starting to to control you since you two are together for a while, and this will definately increase if you go on for another year.
This is the best time to think everything over. Do you think he will be great with you in 5 years? If he isn't fitting right now, he will never be in the future anyway.
2006-10-09 21:33:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a committed relationship it is generally common knowledge that going out with members of the opposite sex usually is stopped. It may not be that he is controlling but jealous, and going out with your guy friends alone often leads to cheating on your partner. That is what your BF is scared of. You dont get to act like a kid all of your life, sometimes when you have something worth keeping you have to let other things go, like night life and partying with your friends. These activities after all will not advance your future in any way, they just keep you stuck in useless pursuits. Put away the past ways, grow up a little, and future relationship problems will be much smaller.
2006-10-09 21:32:26 · answer #5 · answered by Paul S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U will prob not be very happy in the longrun even if the lonliness u feel now sucks and a patch-up MAY SEEM to make everything better.. but it really won't.
Possesive pple r the toughest to change, and it's worse when they want to "transform" YOU.
Two people should complement each other..not criticise and control....
So dun cave in to those "Guilt" feelings... they are wrong. Your decision was right.
2006-10-09 21:49:36 · answer #6 · answered by Beth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should be glad you did what you did, your turbulent times show you both are not fit for each other, and you should be happy you learnt of it in time, one keeps hoping, it'll be ok tomorrow, but you know its isn't magic that you wake up the next morning and snap! he's different and more like how u want him to be, theres a certain way he wants you to be, but you are YOU, he has to respect what you feel and not how you look and who you talk to...likewise he is teh way he is, someone may simply love his degree of possesiveness, but its not you...so good that you let go, don't think of it, though its hard, but be good to yourself, respect yourself for who are, and all the choices u make. All the best
2006-10-09 21:36:19 · answer #7 · answered by aditigsamai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him and yourself a few days (according to your preference) to cool down.after that call him up and tell him that there's things that you think you have to tell him. if you really love him and wanna change something about yourself then tell him that when you meet him.and at the same time,tell him that you will change for him if he too would changefor you. and that is he must try to understand you better and not to get jealous for every slightest thing.
tell him that he's the one you love and he shouldnt feel insecure if you were to go out with you guy friends.
Communicate with him .state your wants and needs that also allow him to have his say.from there, try to work it out by compromising.
2006-10-09 21:34:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were right in breakup as there is no point in keeping a relationship if both of you cannot tolerate each other.
2006-10-09 21:34:03 · answer #9 · answered by kongchai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong to feel bad. He's too domineering. You will come to resent that in a very short time. Please be happy that you have nothing in common with him. Possessive is NOT good! That is NOT a sign of love and caring. It's selfish and ugly!
2006-10-09 21:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋