I am a 65 yr old woman, who has a son 30 and has been told he is by-polar, he has come back home, any ideas?

Question

My son is by-polar and he's come home to live with me, its a very scarie situation and i'm having a hard time dealing with it, I feel like I'm walking on glass around him, can anyone give me any sugestions?

Answer 1

I'm 35 and my husband has bipolar. He takes his meds everyday which helps alot, but it hasn't been a miracle cure. When he is manic I do have to make some changes to protect me and my kids. I have to make sure he doesn't have access to large sums of money, and we don't have credit cards so he can't go out on spending sprees, buying anything and everything he sees. He doesn't sleep much or eat much when he is manic. I have people asking me why I let him do some of the crazy things he does, starting job after job around the house and never finishing any of them. I have worked out what works best for us is to just leave him to it, if he is not hurting himself or anyone else, I leave him to it. I found a good book that has helped me - Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder By Julie A Fast and John D Preston.
Good luck to you and your son

Answer 2

Hello.................. I know that you are probably scared and even though the mother in you really wants to be as supportive as possible, I know first hand that there will be days when you can't handle the lad, curse this blasted disease, and wonder how on this earth you will ever be able to get through it. One of the symptoms that you will notice right off the bat is that your son simply isn't the man he used to be. He no longer is equipped with the powers of deductive reasoning and may , out of the clear blue sky, blurt out some idea that to the rest of us sounds way off base. My daughter thought that she and I could just run out and save the planet. There are many things that you may think are odd about his ideas and his ideals. Some bipolar people believe that they have a personal relationship with God, where none had ever existed before. Even though these two items I have spoken of sound like stuff a mom would, under normal circumstances welcome, this is behavior which is a part of his illness. Unfortunately, there will be very little that you will be able to do to talk him out of thinking the way he does. He may start doing things which may be considered "risky", like driving too fast, taking on multiple sexual partners and drinking or doing drugs.This is common but very dangerous. In an effort to feel "normal", the bipolar patient almost can't help but try different things. Drugs of any kind will invariably change how his prescribed medications are working. There may even come a time when he stops taking his meds altogether, believing that he is well. The meds are doing their job and he may feel "cured" It is important, if it is possible for you to do so, that you keep a careful eye , especially if the diagnosis is recent. If he is not med- compliant, relapse will occur and he will need to start from square one. Generally this will land him back into the psych ward, where the process of "levelling him out" will begin again. He will never appreciate being asked "Have you taken your pills today?" Just try to be present when he does take them. This is an enormous undertaking, and I could go on an on about it, My daughter's diagnosis has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, but as the years go by, [seven now] it does get better. She still worries me, but her denial has seemingly lessened, which is half the battle. The best way for you to deal with caring for a person with bipolar affective disorder is to educate yourself as best you can. What saved me,[and I am not kidding] was a class I took which is offered by The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill [N.A.M.I.], called the family to family education program. It is a class where people like you and I can learn what to do and what not to do when someone we love has been stricken with mental illness It was very informative and the best thing I ever could have done to help both my daughter and myself. It was free and met once a week for 12 weeks. I highly recommend it. It gave me hope where none existed. Information is the one weapon you can use in the fight to help your son. I truly wish for you the best, your son is lucky to have you.

Answer 3

It will be hard but I am sure you can do it. Is his illness under control? He needs to be diagnosed by a doctor where you live and put on medication if he has not done so already. Many diagnoses are incorrect when it comes to mental illnesses. If he is unable to work because of his illness then he should apply for SSD or SSI. He would be eligible.

Once that is taken care of (and it already may be, I don't know) his doctors can help you know what to look for. Often people with this illness have to have adjustments made to their medication periodically. You can help with this. You can also help by making sure he is taking his medication. Convince him to give his doctor permission of speak to you and that will be a great help.

Bless you for doing this. Read all you can about the illness. It will not be easy but your son is ill. This is not a choice he made.

If for some reason your son turns violent you will not be able to help him at home, but you can cross tha bridge when and if you come to it.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Well, as someone who's known a few bipolar people, all I can say is act normal. The thing with people with depression is that they perceive many things to be 10x worse than they actually are. If you act like you're walking on broken glass around him, he'll notice it...although bipolar people tend to exaggerate reactions etc...they can still sense them. As his mother all he needs is your support and what you have to realize is that you can't cure him, only be there for him. He needs to help cure himself. I assume since he's already been diagnosed that he's getting professional help. If you act freaked out, he'll think he's burdening you and you definitely don't want that...it will only make things worse.

I've had severe problems with anxiety and depression and have dropped out of school twice and returned home cause I just couldn't cope. My mother basically went into denial mode and couldn't deal with it which made everything worse. After awhile I came to the conclusion, that although I knew she loved me she just wasn't equipped to deal with my situation. The only person who could help me was me with the help of a shrink.

You don't have to panic. He's still your son. Odds are that he has been dealing with this for a very long time. Be happy that he has finally gotten help. Instead of being Mom "in the dark"...be the Mom that is finally "in the know." Atleast now he knows he isn't alone and he knows he has a problem. Don't you think it would have been worse for him you thinking he was just some loser who couldn't make it in life and had to come home and live with Mom? I can promise you with most certainty that that is how he would think if you didn't know he was bipolar. Now you know he has a problem, he's getting help for it, and the treatment and drugs today allow bipolar people to lead normal healthy lives. He's lucky to have a mother that is so concerned. I know that if my mom were that way, I'd be better off today.

Chin up, it's not the end of the world. Life just loves to throw a few of these challenges in front of us every once in awhile. Help him by being the mother you always were...or even a better one. Also, my mom walked on broken glass around me for awhile and this made me feel even worse as I thought she was pitying me. Be there for him, talk to him, don't give him any special treatment...besides a healthy dose of love (cheesy, I know).

Do yourself a favor and educate yourself on the condition as much as possible. You'll learn that it's not the end of the world and he'll probably be fine. There are many people in this world with bipolar disorder that just go undiagnosed...like that whacky coworker or one of those miserable bosses you've had. Just be happy he's getting help and that he's taking it seriously...if only other people would take control of their lives and seek help...it'd make things a lot easier on the rest of us.

Ok...hope I said something that made you look at the situation a little differently. Your question just spoke to me cause I've been there. I wish you all the best. Take care and smile :)

Answer 5

Yes, you need to get a good counselor set up not only for him but for yourself as well.
Do some research on the subject on line and see if you can find any information.
I totally understand the feeling of walking on egg shells and glass. This must be very difficult for you. Funny, how we think we have raised our children and then all of a sudden they are back living with us again and creating havaic.
My prayers are with you and get some help, mostly with him, ie: someone to come in and work with him at home, couselor, health official, or even a doctor. There has to be someone in your area that works with this type of thing on a daily basis and can help.
Keep the faith, I will be there in thought with you.

Answer 6

Ok, first of all, if you are afraid of him, you need to figure out a better living arrangment for him, you dont need to feel scared in your own home. Second, make sure he takes his meds, all the time! if hes not on any, then get him to the psychiatrist and get him on some. Third, you need to set down boundaries and rules, its your home, dont let him walk all over you, not to mention he is 30 years old, he should know how to act like an adult, dont baby him, that would only make the situation worse... also, you can find support groups in your area for people who live with people with mental disorders... it will help...

Answer 7

Your son is going to have to accept his illness and learn that he has to take his meds, if he wants to get better. This can be a difficult accomplishment for people with bipolar, because they enjoy the manic highs so much, they don't want to take their medicine. I recommend that you learn as much about your son's illness as possible and support him as much as you can. If you have a local chapter of NAMI in your area, they offer some great education programs including Family to Family, where family members of the person with the disorder learn about mental illness, get ideas, and support each other. Good Luck!

Answer 8

i am 42 and just recently diagnosed as bi-polar and borderline personality disorder. i was a truck driver but have had so many jobs in my life, unfortunately unable to ever keep one long. i am now back home applying for disability at my moms. we have many ups and downs, she is being treated for breast cancer and i am reeling from my own diagnosis. after time to think about it i am in therapy and am trying desperately to get into group therapy, i believe to be around people like me and to learn more about my illness, it will make it easier for me and my mom. i have to leave sometimes for a day or two to give her the space she needs. we both lived on our own for many many years. i need to be reminded what would i do if she wasn't here for me now? she doesn't understand the meaning of my illness but i tell her as much as i can as i learn myself.
the hardest thing was to finally be told what i had always suspected, that i am mentally ill. the stigma attached with mental illness is very frightening and somewhat humiliating. i hope your son gets the help he needs and you and he together can get through this time as a family. i asked my mom to come to some of my therapy sessions and she agreed. i take my meds as directed which are lamictal and abilify. i've had no problem with them at this time, i do feel better. best wishes to you both.

Answer 9

my mom is 69, she has a 34 year old son that lives with her who is bipolar. as long as he takes his medicine he usually ok. if he gets off it or drinks he goes nuts. i know it must be hard to have your child ill, you want to help them in anyway you can, but hes going to have to want to help him self. i feel sorry for you, cause im not going to lie,,it isnt easy. read all that you can about the disease and try and let him make his own dissisions. my mom drives my brother nuts cause shes always on him about something. if he can get his meds working right and able to keep a job maybe he can move out soon..dont forget to pray..good luck to you.

Answer 10

A 30 year old man doesn't need to be with his mama. Bipolar is treatable...at your age you should not have to be afraid or walk around like your walking on glass. Get him out on his own.