have a girlfriend of 10 years, we aren't married. we have a nine year old child which is probably the reason we are still together. however i can't help but feel we are just two very different people. i dont want to break up our family but i dont want to get married just because everyone else says we should. i know many of you will say i have committment issues, maybe i do, i dont know. i guess i love her, we have been together a long time. i dont want to give up on the chance of the perfect girl for me getting away either.
2006-10-09 18:56:09 · 18 answers · asked by badtudaboner 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No judgement here.
Just follow your heart, you'd be surprised what you'll find!
2006-10-09 18:58:21 · answer #1 · answered by Jetta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's good that you are "two separate people." A marriage should be a team with complementary members, not a pair of twins. Obviously you work well together as a team if you've been together for ten years and are raising a child.
Even if there isn't that romance-movie chemistry that exists at the beginning of a relationship, it's more important that you talk to each other and compromise. Talk to her about your concerns now and see if she wants to get married! Work it out with each other.
Most importantly, you're right, don't get married just because you have a child and everyone says you should. The two of you should discuss and come to the right conclusion for your family.
2006-10-10 02:03:02 · answer #2 · answered by nietzsche_thinks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't get married if you have doubts about your differences. Even though ten years is a long time, and a nine year old kid is old enough to realize that not many other nine-year-olds have unmarried parents, marriage is a completely different level of commitment. It takes more sacrifice than any other relationship, and if you get the feeling that it's going to be hard for you, then you might not be ready no matter how old you are.
On the other hand, if you think you have commitment issues, marriage might be the thing to get you settled down for your adult life. You should probably contemplate both sides for a bit. Good luck!
2006-10-10 02:00:07 · answer #3 · answered by Dumblydore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i read your question and i read the other people responses...and it seems we are all different in our views but heres mine: you have a nine yr old ...whether you like it or not...does she want to get married ?...are you feeling pressured?...do whats in your heart because if you don't you will be suckered into marrying her under pressure...if you feel comfortable this long, some might say hey why not marry her?...its really isnt just your decision, there's two people involved here...you and her only...is the family pressuring you?...well its not their life its yours...it seems like you want to get married in a way but you dont want to...seems like you are on the fence on this issue...give it time...you will find out what you want...its truly up to both of you...there are both pro's and cons for getting married...research it well before you make your move...some people fear hey ive been with you this long and wonder if the other person is going to change after marriage...for you both ..i hope you still love each other and respect each other if you decide to get married...and if you dont get married there is some sort of resentment..like she's thinking hey im not good enough...you know my best friend has been with her bf for three years and my "niece" will be here in Jan and shes happy as a bug...Marriage is a commitment and its not for every1...but its a union..so its truly up to you both to decide whats right for you, not for everyone else that pushing you...
2006-10-10 02:19:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are afraid of committment but you have a nine years old child with your girlfriend??? Are you ok?? Listen, you already have the committment already by your child. There's nothing wrong to get married. You love your girlfriend, so what? Just show your love by marrying her...I don't understand what you are afraid of.
2006-10-10 02:13:35 · answer #5 · answered by Wanlaya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON"T DO IT!!!!!!! If there is doubt, you are not ready. When you find the girl of your dreams, you will know it. I stuck out 9 years also for my daughter and worries of disapointing my family and friends, when really it isn't right to live in a loveless marriage. Eventually the child will see it. So don't spend the money to get envolved in a situation that will cost even more to get out of. Sit down and tell your girl how you feel. It won't be easy for either one of you, but it is reallity and that is what you have to look at.
2006-10-10 02:03:09 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a legal action. Investigate HER rights if you were to die without a will. Does she inherit the home you have worked hard to build?
The question that led to my man and getting married was, "With whom do you want to grow old?"
Think on it, my friend. A bird in the hand is better than any "perfect" gal in the bush.
2006-10-10 02:02:14 · answer #7 · answered by soxrcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes marry. You to can learn how marriage life is. That’s when you become a real father. Right now you’re just a stranger living with women. After marriage you have will have some one there for u to say wife.
2006-10-10 02:01:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seem to me like you are only with her
A. Because you are at a comfort level and don't want to leave.
B. You have a son together and you want to be with him all the time.
C. You don't think you have any other option.
If you don't want to be with her than don't be. I have the same problem. I don't really know what to do. But I truly love and want to be with my boyfriend. I found out that you can't be with someone just because it's convenient. Just go with what you feel. Good Luck.
2006-10-10 02:01:37 · answer #9 · answered by ☼Earthbound Misfit☼ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unless you are sure that you love this woman enough to spend the rest of your life with, then don't marry.
Do you guys live together?
Sounds like you are together just for the kid. That isn't enough to keep a relationship going. Sounds like you need to not live together. Your son will always be loved by both of you, but as years go by and his parents are in a non loving relationship and sacriced their life for him....that is sad.
2006-10-10 02:09:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why get married? Look at Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell..........they aren't married but have been together forever & even have a child together. Point being, they wouldn't have it any other way.
2006-10-10 01:59:46 · answer #11 · answered by Ash Anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋