Ok, here's what happened. We suffered (Me, my husband, my son and my dad- I hope) a sudden death. My mom died 7/7/06 while I was expect my moms first granddaughter. (I was eight months pregnant) My mom and my dad were married for 23 years, and like any other marriage, they had there up's and down's. The point is,today, my dad took my son to his house for the afternoon, and then came back with a blue sweater. I asked my son, "Who bought you that?" and he said, "Kathy." Then I asked, "Who's Kathy?" and he said, "Grandpas girlfriend."
I don't know but this really hurt me, cause we were supposely, still mourning over my moms death. She died not even 3 months ago. I want my mom to enjoy her first granddaughter and she couldn't. And now I'm wondering, how is it that my dad was able to forget 23 years of marriage, not only that, her death was sudden. Sometimes I have a nervous breakdown cause I can't believe my mom is gone. Wouldn't you think that my dad is moving way too fast?
2006-10-09 16:29:45 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I really think that no matter how much time has passed you would still feel the same way. I don't think that there is any time limit as to when it is too soon or not. Just because your dad is dating does not mean that he has forgotten the 23 years that he and your mother had shared. He is probably trying to fill a void that he has now that your mom is gone. I understand where you are coming from though but just try to remember that you still have someone to go to sleep with at night and wake up to in the morning. Now your dad has no one. I'm sure he doesn't want to burden you all of the time since you have a family of your own. I would talk to him about your feelings. You will feel so much better about the whole situation. Respect what he has to say and ask him to respect your feelings. I am so sorry for your loss and I know that you are in pain. My mom is my best friend so I could not even imagine what you are going through. You will get through it though, you have children who need their mommy! Just remember that just because he is dating doesn't mean that he is not mourning over your mom. We all do it differently and some people just can't be alone. Try your hardest to be supportive of him but ask for support for your feelings also. I am sure that you both can work through them if you keep the lines of communication open. God Bless you and the new addition to your family!!!
2006-10-09 16:56:09 · answer #1 · answered by Kim M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever feel that your grief has driven you a little bit crazy?
Sometimes grief makes people do crazy things. This girlfriend may be your father's crazy thing. He's not used to being alone: he had a constant companion for 23 years. He's completely lost. If some woman came along and offered to hold his hand, it may have been like a lifeboat in a storm. So don't judge him too harshly.
On the other hand, how old is your son? Did your dad tell him that Kathy was his girlfriend? If not, then she could have been a kindly neighbour, a friend of your mother's, a workmate, or any of a dozen explanations. Don't assume.
2006-10-09 16:34:46 · answer #2 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie this does not mean he loved ur mom any less. But u have to put urself in his shoes, after 23 yr's of marriage, being w/someone, having someone to come home to, to talk w/, watch tv, doing the things they enjoyed, spending time w/grandkids, that was all taken away. Can you image how lonely he was, for compassion and having someone to talk too?? And ur mom is and will enjoy her first granddaughter, maybe not in the sense u would like, but she is. Kids are pure and so are sprites. U dont want to losse ur dad too do u?? Dont take this the wrong way, but life does go on, and I know I probly just tick you off, and I'm sorry for that, but lonless is a horriable thing, be thankful he has an outsider he can talk to, since she doesn;t have and emotonial steak in this it somehow makes things easier to take. U never know she just might be a friend. I'll being pray for u and your, but in the mean time Dont be upset w/ur daddy, u only get one. God BLess
2006-10-09 17:41:44 · answer #3 · answered by mimi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well honestly yea that is way too fast but your dad might need that lady to fill the void...most men i know are like that when they break up ,lose their wife, or anything not even you take a breath and they are with someone...SOrry about your mom...my dad passed like 15 years ago i was still a child and my mom to this day has not had a bf or even gone on a date i try to get her and she says no ...no one can fill his shoes....this guy in my church he lost his wife of 40+ yrs. and not even a month later he was married to some other woman but to find out he had been seeing her before his wife died.......the only thing i can say to you is try and except it hopefully your dad just needs a friend right now...i know its hard but men just take their feelings out diff ......good luck to you and u need to be there for your kids no more nervous break downs your mom is smiling at you from above and she would prob be disapointed seeing u go thru that okay:)
2006-10-09 16:47:08 · answer #4 · answered by queenbee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People morn in different ways and his way may be filling the void with another woman. You don't really know how their marriage was I mean they may not have been in love for years though I am sure is very sad that she passed because it is hard to lose someone you have known that long married to them or if you just know them. I am sure that he does miss her very much he is probably morning in his own way.
2006-10-09 16:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry hun for the loss of your mother...as for your father he may just be friends with the woman and nothing else. I think you may also be hurt that you didn't get to know about Kathy..until your son told you about her. I shall keep you in my prayers hun
2006-10-09 17:05:50 · answer #6 · answered by sweetgrandmaof3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋