Step-children?

Question

I have 3 step children. I have been their step-mother since they we 18 month,18 months,and 4 months. They are now 6,6,5. They have called me mommy from the get go. I love them like they are my own and will not see it any other way. I have a friend who thinks it is wrong that they call me mommy. I do not try to replace their mother just be here to fill in the gaps when they are at my house or when she is not up to being their mommy. I love these children so much that I still get them even though my husband has been sent to Iraq. I feel that we still need to keep a strong family bond. I want the 2 children I gave birthed to know their sisters and brother and have a good relationship. The children up untill school thought all children had to mommys. They even call me mommy when they are around their other mom and Nana. So do you think that children should only have one mommy or is it ok for them to have two?

My other 2 children are 3 and 8 months. They have no problem with the other children calling me mommy because that is all they know.

Answer 1

WAY TO GO ON ALL SIDES!!! birth mom for accepting you as a surrogate for her children, you for loving and accepting them as your own children, and your husband for serving our nation.
Your friends are wrong, did they never call on of their friends mom 'mom'. it is a title, along with other similar names, mum, mamma, ma.
It may be hard for their other mother, but she has accepted you as another parent to her children, there is not enough love in the world, why deny what is there. I would consider your friends discouragement as jealousy.

Answer 2

If it is acceptable to all concerned (you, your husband and the children's mother) I just don't see what the problem is!!
For goodness sakes! Children have so many challenges to face trying to grow up... all the positive input and love that can come their way is just a blessing.

What you are doing is the "Right" thing. At one time additional parenting was provided by the extended family... This system has changed (broken down) and there is need for the attitude you have taken and the level of commitment you are showing. Let's hope you are a sign of the future... one where more adults actually act like a mature human being after a divorce and place the welfare of the children ahead of their personal issues with the ex or the new spouse! What they call you is irrelevant.

Answer 3

I think it is a wonderful family bond to have step families be able to grow up with a loving accepting step parent. It is best that you were in their lives from toddler/infant hood that influenced them to accept and be greatful of having two mothers and a father (or two fathers if their mom decides to remarry etc).

I don't see anything wrong with these children calling you mommy. Especially if their mother isn't bothered but happy that her children don't have that conflict most step families have.

I think it is wonderful for them to have two. The child will benefit if all gives that warmth feeling. People can't accept a step parent should be cold hearted and not treat the child as her/his own. That is wrong. These people should be happy you have such a bond with these children and the motive is not to "show up" the other parent. That is their problem they think that way. Not yours and doing a wonderful job it seems on parenting the children as you do your own bi logical children.

Answer 4

As long as their mom doesnt have a problem with them calling you mom then you are ok. As far as the other stuff I think that it sounds great that you have a strong bond with them because thats how it should be when you have an extended family.

Now for me I wouldnt want my children calling someone else mom as long as I am in the picture. But if for whatever reason I was no longer apart of their lives and you were the only mom they knew then it would be a little more understandable. I mean you have been a part of their lives since before they can really remember.

Answer 5

I am very hard on step parents here, only because, at best, it seems they view there step kids as little more then someone who is interfering with the new marriage. At worse they view there step kids as something smelly they just stepped in. All they seem able to do is come in here and ask permission to treat there step kids like dirt, IE punish them more, harder, or just be evil.

You I am proud to say, seem to have the right idea. You love these kids, you realize your not there mother (even though it seems you play that role quite often) but that unconditional love you share, even with your hands tied with the step parent role, is ever so powerful. Your step kids may see you as there mom, as long as your not instructing them to say this (which I know your not) let the kids say what they say, and think what they think. It's clear you play a VERY POSITIVE role in there life's, and it shows. You realize that these kids need a daddy as much as yours do. This is why i think it's OK for these kids to have 2 mommies, your a rear breed.
I only wish others could follow your example on how to be a step parent.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Children of divorce and remarriage who have additional parents who love them are very lucky... Some step-children are not treated well and grow to resent not love thier step-parent as yours seem to love you...

If the children's biological mother is ok with them calling you mommy then don't worry about it, if anyone has the right to object it's her and no one else... If she isn't objecting when people say something tell them "This is what works for our family, I don't think it's any of your concern." They will quickly get it and stop making comments...

I commend you for accepting your husband and his children as a package deal often you see children pushed to the side when a paret enters a new relationship... Glad to see that isn't the case with your children...

Answer 7

Most important -- Just be there for them regardless of what they call you. If it happens to be mommy and there part time real mom is ok with it then don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Let the kids decide they are old enough to understand.

Answer 8

i also have 3 stepdaughters have have been around for there for pretty much all their lives...since me and my husband have known each other for 12 years and the oldest is only 5. when they were too young to understand i just let them call me mommy. but when they were old enough to understand that they really only have one mommy(this was at about age 3) i had them start calling me by my name. the younger two both have the same mother and then the older one is by a different woman. none of them live with us, but the younger two are here mon-fri from 8am-6pm while their mother works...my husband and i also have a daughter...i treat them no different than my own daughter when they are here and its great that you treat them as your own. but i think out of respect for their mother and for their understanding they need to realize that you aren't their "mother". but having them call you by their name shouldnt stop or lessen the relationship of your family. besides i dont know how old your child are but my daughter would be hurt and sad if my step daughters were calling me mommy when she knows that i'm not.

Answer 9

I am in the same boat. I have a 5 year old step daughter. Have been here since 7months. She has called me mom always and calls her birth mom by her first name. Because she has been in and out.Just barely doing what needs to be done. I think its great that they call you mom. Children know who love them. And the fact that you still get to see them is great. It will help them feel close to Dad being around you and his other children. My prayers are with you and hope your husband comes home safe. Good Luck with the kids, keep being there mom.

Answer 10

Being mom isn't about giving birth to children, it is about taking care of them, loving them, raising them. It isn't about what other people think. If the children want to call you mom, so be it. If it doesn't offend their biological mother, why let it bother you what anyone else thinks. I am a stepmom to a 13 yr old boy and 15 yr old girl and I didn't come into their lives until 5 years ago. They call me mom, not because I asked, but because they want to

Answer 11

If their mom doesn't have an issue with it, I don't see the problem. It sounds as if you are a wonderful stepmom and the kids know that they have 2 mommies. Don't try to change it, doing so may make them feel as if you are rejecting them for something bad that they did.