Was I out of line? I will tell you the situation with our guitar player & then tell you how I handled it. Our?

Question

guitar guy is often late & forgets 2 put dates on his calendar--Double books self, forgets dates & books vacations w/ family over already book gigs.He gets subs last min.The dates R important high-pay high profile gigs. It would be fine but the subs don't know all material. It recently happened again & it irked the band. This date had been booked for a year and he didn't even appologize! The only sub available is a guy we rarely play with.
Since the guitar player & I R the closest the band asked me 2 write gripes down on paper & ask him 2 change. I offered to help him with his calendar program. The biggest thing he got mad about was that I dissed his $ store calendar & suggested he get a palm pilot or Franklin planner.He said that is how his family does it & it was a slam on his family. I just wanted to help him become a better biz guy & now he's quit! Am I out of line trying 2 get this good musician to treat his music like a business? Wouldn't he already been fired at a regular job?

Some people want to know how I approached him. I wrote a letter. The whole first page was compliments and praises about his musicianship and stage presence and how funny he is and how everybody including the band loves him. The second part of the letter was short but saying what all of the problems in the band are and what we all need to do to improve. The last part of the letter was the specific things he needed to improve to continue being our guitar player.
I brought over the letter, but talked gently with him about it first. I told him I would rather talk about it but knew I wouldn't be able to remember everything we needed to go over and that after I left he should read the letter in case I forgot anything.
I was very tippy-toey. I absolutely didn't want him to feel ganged up on. That is why I am shocked he would quit like this!

Answer 1

You did everything right and were very nice about it. A lot of times when people disregard other people's time and schedules it is because they think they are very important. This guy probably thinks that the band needs him more than he needs the band, so he thinks he can do whatever he wants since you need him. I think you upset his apple cart a little. It is also possible that he smokes way too much pot! I have seen this happen with pot smoking musicians. They are good at their instruments, but forget things. One of my boyfriends was in a band when I met him. His guitar player always forgot the way they decided to do a song and would argue with the other band members the next time they rehearsed. It got so they had to record everything and play it back to him to prove that that was what they'd agree on. (By the way, if your guitar player was in my boyfriend's band, he would have been kicked out a long time ago and my boyfriend would not have been nice about it!)
Anyway, it is time to get a new guitar player. Try to find someone for whom the band will more than just a hobbie. I think it doesn't hurt to meet a player's wife or girlfriend either because it is good to get a feel for how she views her boyfriend/husband's role in the band. Some women are very jealous of the time that a guy spends on his music and with the band. They beg the guy to spend more time with them because they want to be # 1 all the time. I've seen many guys quit bands because of this. It is better to find a guy who has a woman in his life who is also involved in music so she will understand his committments.

Answer 2

I don't think you're wrong, and maybe it's better for the band if you guys find a reliable guitarist.

However, I also think that maybe the guitarist felt victimised. You know, he may have felt that everyone in the band was ganging up on him.

You haven't said how you approached him about the problem, and this type of communication should be done in a very tactful manner.

So instead of just saying, 'You're always doing so-so!', maybe you could have given a compliment, 'You're a very talented guy, and one of the best I've seen, however...' Don't lie,though, but do try to soften the message, even if you're angry with the person. Most people will feel picked on when their faults are pointed out, regardless of whether there is justification. So don't be too confrontational.

Also try to get the person's input when you're going through suggestions on how to improve the situation, ask them what they think will help them solve the problem. If the person refuses to recognise there is a problem, you may have to be blunt. Try to allow them to have input in the solution...it will empower them and maybe motivate them to perform the job better.

If no solution is possible well you know what to do!!

I'm just telling you this because it may come in useful in the future. Anyway, good luck with the band, and I hope you all find another, better, guitarist.

Answer 3

I had the same thing happen, but this guy actually put the wheels of a project in motion before being late for rehearsal, unprepared when he did show, and included a "no show", which was the final straw. It was explained to him and he was sent packing and a replacement immediately hired (there are no shortage of musicians where I live).

A person such as this is at best unreliable, and therefore a bad bet, even if a good musician. When there are contracts involved, breech of one is only a no show away.

If you haven't done so, can him. The band's reputation is at stake as well. If he can't take it, toooooo bad. That's show biz........................

So, do you guys need a drummer? I need a gig.

Answer 4

No you were not out of line. And yes, he would have been fired from a regular job. I'm surprised you kept him so long when he did all those things. Make sure you tell his replacement that you expect him to keep track of all the dates, show up on time, and only call but not show up if he's in the hospital very ill. Otherwise, tell him/her there is zero tolerance and he will be fired. And stick to it.

Answer 5

No- you were not wrong at all. He made a committment to you and the band to be there at those performances. If he truly wanted to be a part of your band, he would be willing to at least hear you out and try to work on being more committed and available for gigs he signed up for.

Answer 6

guitar players are a dime a dozen...if this guy can't keep his gigs, fire his ***, its not worth your time to screw around with him. And another guitar player is right around the corner. Anyone can play guitar...it is easy. I've been playing for about a year, and there isn't much that i can't play.

Answer 7

No you weren't out of line, he over reacted and if he doesn't change he will never be able 2 keep a job.

Answer 8

i think you did the right thing, he might be doing drugs or thinks he is the star and acting that way, thinking that no one will confront him, hopefully he will wake up and come back and act more professional....if not, find someone else and enjoy your band.....if something happens it was meant to be.........