I met this great gal and we've gone out a couple times and we've clicked big time. She has been through a divorce (5 years ago) and has 2 kids (she has custody of them). I've never been married and have no kids. This is unfamiliar territory for me. How do I handle this?
2006-10-09 11:56:59 · 14 answers · asked by Blue_Falcon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It really depends on how much you like her, and how much you're willing to deal with.
First thing is to reflect a little and ask yourself a few questions, such as "How much do i really care for this woman?" or "Does her past really bother me?" "Does it matter that she's been divorced and has kids?"
Sure, you may not have been through as much as she has (as far as divorce and parenthood go), but does that really matter when you've found someone with whom you really click and to whom you're really attracted? You also might want to consider how far out of your comfort zone you're willing to travel.
Finding someone you really click with can be rare. In our fact-paced world, these days we've grown accustomed to getting an instant answer, a conclusive resolution, within spare moments. Perhaps just revel in this time of learning and discovering what it is to be with someone this great, and then see where it goes. After awhile, if things work out, you may find that this unfamiliar territory is actually the "road less traveled" you've been looking for, but didn't realize you wanted all along.
Good luck!
2006-10-09 12:09:24 · answer #1 · answered by zengirl28 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well as much as you think shes great, before you lose your heart, I think you need to meet the kids. As you have never had any of your own, I think meeting them is important...see if you get along with them, and see how they are with you. If you and this gal become an item then the kids will be coming along as part of the package. Love is blind, but where kids are involved, you really have to look past the love. Look to the future, imagine yourself being a daddy. It is not impossible...I have met heaps of guys in a similar situation and they are better fathers than the biological father. Is the ex-husband still hanging around?...that is also something you will need to think about very seriously...does he see his kids on a regular basis? If he does, then you will have to get used to him being a part of both your lives as well. If you are strong enough and if you love her enough, anything is possible.
If you arent thinking that far into the future, if you are just dating, then dont worry about the other stuff, just enjoy each other...but there may come a time where you will have to think about it.
2006-10-10 02:37:50 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in a similar situation just wanted to say that the things that she has gone through has made her stronger and more aware of what she wants in life (hopefully) if she has learned from her lesson. On the other hand you are somewhat confused and unsure so maybe you need to step back and she what you really want out of this. And just to note just because a lady has kids doesn't automatically means she needs a daddy for them. She has handled it for 5 years already whats another 5 going to do.
2006-10-09 19:05:01 · answer #3 · answered by FeeLnUFeeLnMe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move slow, but if she's for real and you continue to feel right about it, don't let the family situation necessarily stand in your way. Except, you will need to think through the family situation, because a permanent relationship with this woman will always involve her kids - you need to be sure you can accept and enjoy this real part of her life.
2006-10-09 19:05:06 · answer #4 · answered by missouri bulldog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart hun , if you love her then there is nothing you and she cant overcome together. In front of the children just be yourself , as time goes by you'll see that things will be as normal as getting up in the morning and eating break feast. Be open with her if theres questions you have about the children ask her that's how you will form a family bond. I know it may feel like instant children but whats important is the love you feel for this women if its genuine enough then her heart belongs to you then her children are extra hearts added to your relationship and that's alot of love to be proud of. Best wishes to you :-)
2006-10-09 19:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by TINA B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you like her be cool with her kids!!! that is going to be the most important factor in your relationship!!! They are number one in her life, and she can never feel like she has to be stretched too thin between you guys
2006-10-09 19:17:25 · answer #6 · answered by Lees' 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of her ASAP unless she is somehow rich. This serious stuff man, you don't want to grow attached to her, she will take you for a ride you won't ever get far enough away from to forget.
2006-10-09 18:58:57 · answer #7 · answered by kevbeer2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just learn as u go u will need a lot of patience
2006-10-09 18:59:35 · answer #8 · answered by Cherry Blossom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day at a time...really, just take it as it comes!
2006-10-09 18:59:40 · answer #9 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends, if you really like her stay with her. If not, get out while you can.
2006-10-09 20:00:30 · answer #10 · answered by superman01706 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋