If you could go back and do it all over, what would you have done differently? Would you have waited longer to start a family?
2006-10-09 11:23:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I'm 20 and married. It's not like I'm a kid.
2006-10-09 11:28:38 · update #1
A friend of mine and I who are the same age have had this discussion. They had their first child when we were 26, my wife and I didn't have ours until we were 38. Another friend of ours who is a few years older had his first child at the age of 22.
The younger you are when you have your children, the more energy you have to keep up with them. You will also be younger when they leave the nest. This advantage is offset typically by the fact that you don't always have the income to provide for them as you would like to, and you sometimes don't have the experience you need to teach them the things they should know.
The older you are when you have them, generally, the more financially secure you are. I am more patient with my child than my peers were with theirs at the same stages, and I have a lot more life experience to look upon when dealing with him. The flip side of that is my son won't graduate high school until I'm well into my fifties, and I don't always have the energy I would like to keep up with him.
Rather than let age determine if you are ready or not, I would suggest setting some financial goals first. Children are expensive to raise, so the better financial footing you are one when your first one arrives, the better off you'll be. And secondly, realize that once you have a child, your alone time and couple time is really diminished. So you should set some goals for some things you want to do first that will be difficult to do once you have a child.
IE:
Financial Goals:
Own our own 3 bedroom home
Have $10,000 in our IRA's
Life Goals:
Visit New York City to see some shows on Broadway
Go backpacking in Nepal.
If you set goals that aren't related to age, you'll be more motivated to achieve those goals, and you'll be more satisfied and happy once you do have children.
2006-10-09 11:43:17 · answer #1 · answered by Chris H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I married at 19, and have no regrets. However, still at age 26 we have no children - by choice! I think it's been excellent to grow together and learn more about each other and have fun experiences together along the way, with just the two of us. Then, if children come later, they'll have parents who have a firmly rooted relationship already. So many people I know who married young also had children young, and children can put so much stress on a marriage. They had no time to enjoy just being together!
2006-10-09 11:32:33 · answer #2 · answered by JenV 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey hun, i got married at 19! (I was almost 20!)
We had a pregnancy but lost it, and trust me it was the best thing for us! It was sad yes, but we are not ready for a baby!
Our ideal time is in about 2 years from now when my husband has finished 2 years of his schooling!
I think the reason people tell you wait longer is because, once you are only a single adult once, once you have kids you have them forever! You are always a mom! It's a blessing yes, but at 20 you should be going to school, and doing things you can't do with children! Get all those fun things out before you have kids!
Just my advice! But when we lost our baby, we were sad, but thought, wow, and it totally motivated us to do stuff! I have since applied to school and we are going to Thailand next year. Just fun stuff!
2006-10-09 11:44:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would.
I was 21 when I had my son, and divorced right before turning 24. I was a great mom- still am, but it was rough trying to find my place in this world and be a mom at the same time. I'm going to be 34 this month.
Your twenties are supposed to be about finding your way, making a career and getting prepared. I had to do all that and be a new mom as well. It seems like everything turned out okay, but you know that lots of corners were "cut" along that journey. That regret bothers me the most, that maybe my son lost out a little because his mom was trying to do it all.
2006-10-09 11:45:36 · answer #4 · answered by BuffyFromGP 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married at the age of 21.I wanted to start a family in my 20.I started my family at 30.I still wish I was younger when I started.
2006-10-09 11:51:06 · answer #5 · answered by 40something 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, we are not married, and i was 2 months away from being 20 when we had our son, I am now 23 and he is 26, and we are planning our second baby! we are not married, hopefully soon, but not too worried, we are very happy, homeowners, great parents, and have a very smart, happy, healthy 3 year old! Though my friends go out all the time, i am very happy with my life, i enjoy being a parent, and wouldn't change it for the world! I think everyone is different, but for me, this is the only way to go!!
2006-10-09 11:54:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldnt have done a thing differently. I just had my daughter a couple months ago and I am 25yrs old. I am glad I waited and enjoyed life w/ just my husband and I for awhile first. I love my daughter so much now that its funny how you can't remember how life was before they were here. But live alittle first. Its more difficult to just get up and go when you are tied down.
2006-10-09 11:43:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have done it young and done it old and honestly it is up to what you personally feel you can handle. I love having my older daughter (19) as she is so like a best friend but I also love my younger kids (4 & 6). The only difference is energy. I have way less for the littlies than I did when I had my eldest, but then I guess I have more wisdom and life experience to share with them instead.
2006-10-09 11:38:46 · answer #8 · answered by anything_my_child 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had my son @17. I do not recommend anyone else too but I think I tried that much harder to be a good mother because I didn't want to be that stereotypical teen mom. I'm not sure what kind of mother I would have been had I not had all the pressure on me. I am 27 now and my son is 9 and I love him very much. No I would not have waited because I would not have him.
2006-10-09 11:28:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
No I wouldnt have changed anything. I had my first son at 20 then 18 months later my second son.
That answer goes for life in general as well. Had I not had my kids when I did, or gone through anything I had gone through I wouldnt be who I am today and frankly I like me :) I love my boys (though a handfull at times), no I woudlnt redo it.
2006-10-09 15:23:41 · answer #10 · answered by zannyvon 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋