She's 21 and is really really shy. She's never had what you would call a boyfriend but she has gone out on dates. She's always asking me for advice and I feel like I can't help her. She says she's really nervous around guys and that she thinks she either ruins the date by not being able to look them in the eye or because she giggles too much and makes the guy uncomfortable. She says she can't help it. I think it's a lack of self esteem, but what I say never seems to help. Can anyone give me advice on how to help her feel more comfortable with guys? Thank you.
2006-10-09 10:25:10 · 12 answers · asked by Red 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i wrote this quite a few people, and have gotten "best answer". :) either way, u are right, it is TOTALLY self esteem.. i used to be really shy too, that's why i came up with this advice. good luck, just be patient and open to her , and keep being a great sister!!! :) she will open up soon.. i was a late bloomer too!!
:) the more u work on urself, the better u will feel. *trust me*.
so having said that, work on:
1) your appearance: work out. exercise. take care of ur body. take care of ur skin. get new haircut. try on new clothes. buy Flattering, stylish clothes, make u feel good and look good.
2) your mind: study. read more. learn more about current events. find a hobby, and excel at it. the more u KNOW, the easier it will be for you to develop your own ways of thinking, as well as be able to TALK w/ others about it.
3) your relationships: as u build ur confidence in urself, and keep in mind to be Open Minded, Non Judgemental to others..... u will be able to speak out more, talk to ur friends, family members, practice talking about anything and everything u are learning, or find out what they are interested in. the more u practice, the easier it will be for u to do that with Strangers, or friends of friends, and not feel as shy...because remember, 1 & 2, u are already working on ur appearance and your brain, so u don't have as much to be "scared" about.
:) good luck...the more Positive attitude u have (remember, u can Always change something if u make a mistake, u can learn from it, u can always grow, and do something different tomorrow), the more opportunity u will have in ur life. confidence will lead to easier job interviews, class discussions, making friends, getting to know teachers, etc etc.... huge impact on ur life. but getting over ur shyness is the first step, and working on ur confidence will help u become less shy.
2006-10-09 10:28:24 · answer #1 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all tell her to be confident about herself.
Tell her:
You may think only you have such self doubts, but rest assured the most confident looking guys and girlshave their own million doubts and uncertainties.
Identify your strengths. If you read a lot or watch a lot of movies for example, your knowledge will shine through when you are discussing the same with your select group. Movies and Books are just for an example......it could be anything....music, soaps, sports, news........
Open out, try to involve people in conversation wit you......discuss something that interests you and if someone says something that you do not know of, don't panic.....ask....appreciate the information that you got....and slowly you will find you are becoming confident by the day and a very popular girl in your setup!
All the best!
2006-10-09 17:30:57 · answer #2 · answered by vikram khanna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a giggling 21 yr old is not good. Yes she could use some building up of her self esteem and she's lucky to have a sister like you who is caring. I would suggest a psychologist they are wonderful helping with such problems and may even ask you to sit in on a session if it's ok with your sister. Give it a try.
2006-10-09 17:29:48 · answer #3 · answered by winter715 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She'll just have to spend more time around guys. When you hang out with your boyfriend or a male friend, ask him to bring a friend along on occassion and your sister, just for casual outings. No expectations, just hang out and have fun so that there is no pressure on anyone.
Hopefully, she can take feedback well. Establish a code so that you can discreetly let her know when she says or does something that makes her look dorky or whatever.
I hope it helps!
2006-10-09 17:34:22 · answer #4 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she gets nervous! tell her to control herself, no giggling. If I had a girl around me(without dating) who is always giggling I would get nervous and try to get rid of her!
I think she is always thinking about sex related thinks when she is with a boy! She is not supposed to! Ask her if this is right! She has to try to be with a girl when she is with a boy!
2006-10-09 17:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to stop giggling because the guy who is dating her will also be nervous and not try to be stupid and if she giggles, then she makes tham uncomfortable
2006-10-09 17:28:24 · answer #6 · answered by Mr Business 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that whenever she starts to flirt with a guy,to tell the guy,sorry but im a little shy.thatll take the akwardness out of it and hopefully afterward theyll have a good time.
2006-10-09 17:28:14 · answer #7 · answered by ♥BermudaShortzROCK♦ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
plan small group activities where she don't have to be with just one person ... pick a setting where she is more relaxed and not under pressure to be a certain way ... let her be herself and the magic if it's meant to be will happen
2006-10-09 17:31:05 · answer #8 · answered by ladyqueenbeeee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her to be herself around guys. guys like girls who aren't fake but are the real thing. guys respect and like girls who act like themselves and don't care what others think about them.
2006-10-09 17:39:43 · answer #9 · answered by geforce_7600_gt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TRY GOING OUT AS A GROUP INSTEAD OF A "DATE". MAYBE SHE'LL GET MORE COMFORTABLE. SHE NEEDS TO LEARN TO LET GO OF HER FEARS.
2006-10-09 17:28:19 · answer #10 · answered by i'm smart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋