what would you tell a woman who is contantly feeling less than?

Question

i have a friend who is always putting herself down, she thinks she stupid, fat, and boring and that everyone who says that they care about her is just lying.everyone tells her what a nice lady she is and how smart and talented she is but she doesent believe it. she is really smart and beautiful how do you help someone see themselves as others do?

there is no friend, i was talking about myself. im not looking for attention because i have one friend and i dont discuss this with her because i dont want to bring her down. my husband doesent even know i feel this way, i just thought i would ask a bunch of strangers because, hay what can u do but give an oppinion, thank you all for the help. i am looking for counceling and yes my mother was very verbally abusive, but i think im on top because i see that i have issuse that i need to address. i have a strong relationship with god so thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Answer 1

First of all she may be saying it so that people keep telling her those things. It may be all an act. IF you think so, you must tell her it is getting tiresome and she'll be losing friends if she doesn't' watch out. No one wants to be around a depressing person all the time.

But, if she really is that down and is that way all the time, she probably should see a doctor and talk to someone. She may be depressed and need some medication.

She is lucky to have a friend like you who is sticking by her. Tell her you can't

I am so sorry to read that it is really you and you really feel this way. Please talk to someone. But seriously take control of your life. If you think you're boring....DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.......if you think you're fat.....EXERCISE AND EAT RIGHT........Involve yourself with your life, don't let the days just go by, get active. Take some classes, meet new people, get active in your church. The one person you answer to if YOU. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Its a near impossible task. You have said it all, but she still sees herself in a negative light. When I was working with street kids, there was this one girl in particular...she was absolutely beautiful, she could have been a model, and I could never understand how she could have such a low opinion of herself because surely she would only have to look in the mirror to see how beautiful she was. She couldnt see it. Whatever happened to her to give her this low opinion of herself had all to do with her being abused when she was a child...she was treated like a "thing", so it didnt matter how smart and pretty she appeared on the outside, the abuse played a huge role in making her believe she was this really ugly horrible person because lets face it if you are treated badly by the people who supposedly love you, how could you have a good opinion of yourself if you have only ever experienced people "using" you. I dont know what your friend;s situation is, but only a qualified professional can get to the bottom of why she feels this way. I believe she is all the things you have said she is, but its the underlying issues that are preventing her from seeing her as others do. She must have been terribly hurt in the past to feel this way. That is where the answer lies.....see if she will go to a counsellor. Maybe you could use the upfront approach, but that depends on how fragile she is too. Maybe you can say to your friend. Everyone sees you as beautiful and smart...we cant help it, its just the way you are. You are not listening to what everyone else sees, so I am really worried about you because the opinion you have of yourself is only yours because no-one else sees you this way, and I am very worried. If I gave you the name of a counsellor would you please think about going?" Talk to a professional person before talking to her, so you can give her some good solid information. It is only a suggestion, and I hate to frighten you, and may I remind you, everyone is different. But this beautiful young girl ended up committing suicide when she was 30. So what we see on the outside as being beautiful, her insides are really ugly, and thats how she sees herself...so no amount of telling her how beautiful and smart and wonderful will work if she is really messed up inside.

I just read you add on. Good on you, you are on the right path....You are beautiful.

Answer 3

She has to start to think that she is all those things. Anyone can keep saying everything you've said, but she is the only one who must learn to believe it. As I've learned and it took me a long time to like myself with all my faults, and weight. I've also learned that if you don't know how to love yourself, how can you expect others to love you. I've heard so much during all my years how pretty, you've got a beautiful face, your so nice, you have so much to give. Unless one feels happy with ones self, and that you deserve to be happy it doesn't mean much.
I met a girl once who was always putting herself down, worried about what people thought. After sitting on a cold wet bench she was worried about what others would say about her wet pants. I told her not to worry, that it's sad that all people had to talk about was he booty. She sure had a different outlook. I hope your friend does learn to love herself, life sure has a different outlook for me. It took me over 46 years to say it.

Answer 4

She was probably abused verbally while growing up. If you tell a child something enough, he will believe it. She probably needs counseling. She needs to work on her self esteem. Encourage her. Good luck.

Answer 5

its just a atten: thing , if she really is smart talented and beautiful , then believe me. shes smart enough to know it .and and has enought talent to make you and everyone else to fall for it by getting you all to continue telling her . she likes to hear it.
don't encourage her anymore get up and walk away when she starts in on it again.
i know a guy like this and that's all i ever heard from him ,i even hang up the phone . i told him i wasn't going to play that game anymore . now i call him "me me me". i think hes getting the point and when friends see you doing this they will follow ur lead and she will evenly stop

Answer 6

you can tell her as much as you like but until she feels and believe it there is not going to be a change. See what she is missing and what she thinks will make here happy and push here in the right way to get there.

Answer 7

i do understand what verbal abuse can do to you & there is not but one way to go & that's up. the first thing you need to do is get involved in church & give your life to jesus & you will realize how much he loves you & how very special you are to him. you are so special he died for you that you might be saved to spend eternity with him . there will be no sorrow only joy , peace , happiness. when you realize who you are in him, it is the most awesome thing that will ever happen to you. you will begin to realize who you are & you will be a new person inside & out. may god bless you with his wonderful presence.

Answer 8

i'm in an fairly comparable situation; yet for me it incredibly is been 3 months, the two in our 40's, in no way married, no teenagers, comparable mind etc. I, too, think of obsessively approximately him and nevertheless sense a deep and grievious harm yet there is one needed distinction: I certainly have in no way contacted him and in no way will except he first contacts me. i attempt to bear in mind all the hurtful issues he mentioned and did whilst i detect myself ruminating over the region. placed on an elastic band around your wrist and twang it against your pores and skin to distract you whilst your concepts flow to him. He doesnt preserve me as I preserve him, neither does the guy you like preserve you as you preserve him. settle for this, heal your harm and flow on, even nonetheless no longer uncomplicated this could look.

Answer 9

She may start looking herself in the mirror trying to find good stuff... and of course one thing always helps is writing nice stuff about you... and start believing in that

Answer 10

It's important for your friend to understand she is of infinite worth and a daughter of God. Be supportive of her and just be a good friend. Help her to focus on one of her talents to help someone else and she'll begin to see herself as valuable.