I need to comprehend my son 14yrs help!?

Question

Today I asked my son to help around the house but guess what I went the hook after repeating myself 30 times. He told I was an unfit and the devil well wow I stoped counted to 10. but still pissed off and went ape $hit on him. Here it is working mom not a single parent but hell we do for our children own our home. Pay for priviate school. That cost an arm and a leg decided to let go of car payments because we dicided his education means so much more than car payments he is excelling in school. But all I want is little help around the house I do laundry and cleaning cooking and also have a full time job. On top of everything. His father tells him not to talk back but it's like he gets a kick out of it. I'm writing maybe not to get crazy answers but just to vent. Just a simple thanks for reading

Answer 1

school 'shmool. Anybody that WANTS education will get it no matter where they are learning it. You can lead a horse to water but not make him drink.

Im 21 and its crazy seeing how out of hand children have been getting. You best bet is some kind of disipline training, of course military school is always harsh sounding, some one who is 14 needs to understand their role.

Im sure there are plenty of solutions for disipline but if you are not able to keep him undercontrol you need to find someone or something that can.

Answer 2

I am happy my daughter is only 4, but I hear of all the lovely thing 14 brings-hehe. I think you did the right thing about sitting back and taking a deep breath. Now is the time to sit down with your husband and try to figure out first between the 2 of you what you think might be going on. After you 2 talk then it is time to sit down with your son in a non threating environment and ask him about what he might be thinking? What might be going on at school,? his feelings on things? What he feels would make life better for him? Etc Etc. This would be a time to get him to hopefully open up a bit and give you some insight where things might be going wrong. Children and teens don't act out for no reason. There is something that is bothering him. You don't want him to get so mad and resentful that he becomes a mess. Just tell him you will sit and listen to him talk and not butt in at all. Let him do all the talking and then afterwards let him know that you understand where he is coming from and that you will find ways to make things right so that you can all live in a peaceful manner. Let him know the things that you expect from him as a part of the family. Give him some encouragement and some praise for the things that he does do around the house. After all the talking let him know that you will be taking away priveledges if he does mouth off. You could go back to using a chart if need be. If after all this and he still won't talk or open up to you you might consider an outside source. Sometimes kids will open up to their peers and other people more than their parents. What kind of realtionship do you have with your husband? Do you fight in front of him? Say mean words? Too harsh in judging? Etc. Look at these first to see if this might be an area of concern. Most of all remember he is going thru so many hormonal changes and he may be feeling pressures at school. They can't always tell you why they are acting out, but they do because of these changes in their bodies. hang in there and I hope you can resolve this soon. By the way I have a degree in Pyschology in case you need to know and Education.

Answer 3

First, you should have a talk with him and tell him why you were angry at him, like how hard it is for you to have all the house chores fall on you after you've come home tired from work. Try not to sound angry or accusative because he'll just act all defensive and won't listen to you. Real tears might help.

Does he get pocket money from you? You could try telling him that in exchange for his allowance, he has to do some chores around the house. If he's doesn't know how to do laundry for example, then you must find time to teach him. Teaching him how to cook is a really good idea because if he goes away for college/uni then that will be beneficial for him. But don't expect things to happen overnight either. Perhaps if/when it becomes unbearable, go on a strike, like don't wash his clothes or cook for him for a week and see how he likes it! LOL!

Answer 4

If you and he practice talking, negotiating and sharing viewpoints it will help him a great deal in the future. If you are not making car payments you should sell the car. Tell him that both of you are going to stay calm. Do not go off the deep end. Do not pull each others chain. Remind him that he must learn sometime to keep a tidy area. Then sign him up for the National Guard. Basic training will teach him more than that fancy school. It costs the U. S. government 50000 dollars to get him through it. Try to match that.

Well you cannot get him into the Guard until he is 17 but planning ahead will not hurt.

Answer 5

If you work, then YOUR HUSBAND should be doing half the chores around the house, like the dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.. If HE was pulling his weight you wouldn't have to dump on your son who is just a kid and should NOT be first in line to take up the slack for ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES. Have the converstion about getting help around the house with Mr. "I Go To Work" Hubbie instead...heck, YOU work outside AND inside the house, so WHY CAN'T HE? I've been doing MY working husband share of the chores around the house for over thirty years, so I know what I'm talking about! My wife works outside the home too, so why should SHE do everything at home alone? By the way, when your children eventually move out, if your husband hasn't gotten used to helping you, you're on your own with ALL the work and NO ONE ELSE to turn to!

Answer 6

Well, teens can be demanding AND lazy at times, I know since I have had 2 teens and 2 more will be there soon!
If he gets an allowance from you, tell him from that point on if he wants his allowance, he needs to start helping around the house. Even have a list of chores that he can choose from and make sure he does them also.
If he has a job and doesn't get allowance, tell him if he ever wants to live on his own and be more responsible and mature, he should start learning how to do these chores as they will help him when he IS on his own. He shouldn't expect others to do everything for him or his wife/girlfriend either. You could put a positive spin on it by saying he is becoming a 'man' and real men these days help out and women/girls love a man who is clean and knows how to do things around the house (especially cooking!) Good luck, and don't give up.

Answer 7

Since there is almost no reasoning capability it seems in teenage boys, wait until he is sitting, preferably eating, explain to him that you are exhausted and are having a real hard time keeping up with everything. Ask if there is something, out of the long list of things you need to do, that he can see himself regularly helping out with. Explain to him, that you are both on the same team, and you need some help from your team mate--say it in a non corny term however, as that may push him away.. God Bless you for being such a good mom by the way.

Answer 8

Why are you sacrificing for such an inconsiderate child? What do you think will happen to him when he gets out in the real world? He needs to learn right now that there is such a thing as "cause and effect". Take him out of that expensive school immediately and put him in a public school and tell him why. Please don't give in to his crying, whining or cussing. You tell him you have asked one time too many for help now this is the consequence and please stick to it. If he decides to help around the house fine but remember it's too little too late and stick to your guns. You are being played, he has control of you, you are the parent now get control of your child.

Answer 9

Consider this, why is he striking out at you? Does he really hate you? If thats the case why GIVE him everything HE wants? consider everything that is in his room. How much of it is really his? If none of it then show him how much he really has. Give him a room a bed and 3 changes of clothes. everything else he does not need nor deserves until his attitude changes. Have the Dad take this BOY out and show him how to be a MAN by doing work. Your right his education is very important but there are just somethings you can not learn at school. respecting a parents and what they offer is one of them. So show him how much you really do for him and teach him the importance of being the adult that he is soon to become.

Answer 10

That's your problem: You vent. But you don't DO anything, in the long run. If you want a kid to work, you need to assign tasks for him and establish a credit/reward system.

For example, you do these chores, you get to watch this much tv each night. IF you don't do the chores, you don't get any tv. It's that simple. The problem is YOU. You need to really enforce these rules or they become useless.

Right now he's laughing at you because you are inneffective.