They dated for 2 years and broke up 3 years ago. I find at least 1 call to her on his phone bill every month. He added her to his myspace and started messaging her there too. When I confront him he swears he has no desire to be with her. She has another very serious boyfriend. Her messages back to him were very vague, as if she really had no interest in talking. When I got really upset with him over it the first thing he did was to go message her again about it. I told him he was on his last chance with me and if he talked to her again it was over. Then I looked at his phone bill and after swearing he wouldn't, and that I am the only important thing to him, he called her for over an hour just 2 days later. He swears he told her he doesn't want to talk anymore because it causes problems for us and that there is nothing between them. I don't know if I can ever believe him at this point. Would you believe him? Can I ever believe he's not sneaking around to call her?
2006-10-09 09:51:19 · 20 answers · asked by bellagirl1414 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It just makes no sense because they broke up because he couldn't even be himself around her. He had to lie just to hang out with friends. He says she isn't the type of girl he even wants because of this. o what is the hold she has on him?
2006-10-09 09:56:19 · update #1
I have never been possessive. It's just that if he didn't even like the way he felt when he was with her, and she made him pretend to be someone he was not, and if he swears he doesn't even want to be friends with her, why can't he stop calling her even when he knows it is risking losing me over?
2006-10-09 10:06:32 · update #2
It sounds as if even though he has physically moved on from the relationship and is now in a relationship with you, he has not emotionally let go of her.
I know, because I have an ex that we both can't seem to make that final step of cutting off all communication. We haven't seen each other for more than 9 months, and we only occasionally speak on the phone (once ever couple of months) and email once in a while. I know I still am in love with him, and there is no one else in my life, but he now has someone else (almost a year now) and yet, he tells me that he misses me. But he doesn't want to come back to me either.
I know that I have to let him go completely, and each day I get stronger, but I am not there yet. I try to stay out of his life as much as possible and I am not trying to break he and his new gf up.
I should add that he did a similar thing to me when we were together (5 years, 2 years of living together). He would take his ex-wife out to dinner and tell me that he was with a business colleague. I found out the truth when we were in the process of breaking up. That really hurt me.
I don't have any real solid answers for you...except that I don't think he has completely let her go yet. You could hang in there and see what happens, or you can cut your losses now. It really is up to you.
2006-10-09 09:58:52 · answer #1 · answered by littleflower_57 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, if he broke up with the ex on good terms, they could still be good friends - which DOES happen from time to time and there's nothing wrong with. If that's the case, you are inadvertantly trying to wreck this friendship. Furthermore, the ex-girlfriend has a serious boyfriend as you said yourself. Take a hint there that the ex-girlfriend isn't going to make the moves steal your boyfriend so just keep any worrying to your boyfriend at least if you -do- have to worry.
While your boyfriend should have stood up for himself and told you the truth that he would confide in the ex, you need to relax and quit jumping to conclusions. You haven't seen any written messages or hear any phone calls that prove that your boyfriend is writing love letters, seriously flirting, or trying to cheat on you.
However, if this is really just too difficult to handle, leave now. Unless you catch the boyfriend doing something encriminating, cut him some slack or cut him loose so you can find someone who doesn't worry you so much.
-edited in later-
The added on 'tidbit' about him saying that he doesn't want to even be *friends* with his ex-girlfriead is rather important and should have been mentioned right away. If he's ignoring you for an ex he says he "doesn't want to be friends with", then take the hint and drop the guy. If you are looking for an answer on how to change his ways, don't bother as he's not been listening anyways. Just dump him. (I already think you knew what you should be doing anyways before you posted in YAnswers.)
2006-10-09 17:03:17 · answer #2 · answered by randomnight 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Only YOU know if you can ever trust him or not. Look inside your head AND heart for the answer. If you decide that you can't trust him, you need to break up with him. No matter how much attraction or love is there, w/o trust the relationship doesn't have a chance of surviving for a long run.
2006-10-09 16:56:41 · answer #3 · answered by earthlove32 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just let him along he is after all only calling her it is not like he is still sleeping with her then there would be some issues u should just let it be or u can start talking to me on the phone once a month then maybe he will get the picture lol
2006-10-09 16:54:33 · answer #4 · answered by willyholdem 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yeah you should lets this guy go. If he was over her he wouldn't feel the need to call her so much and he wouldn't be lying to you about it. Don't get up set over this it's easy to see he's the loser missing out on his relationship with you over an ex! There are tons of guys out there that would treat you with the respect you deserve. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone. I wouldn't trust him or her, she has another boyfriend but why is she spending so much time talking to yours? Listen to your gut feeling.
2006-10-09 16:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I didn't even read the big paragraph above. But when i read that question the 1st thing that came to my mind was the music video for Lips Of An Angel by Hinder.
Except the other way around.
2006-10-09 16:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by ☆ Sarah ☆ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u definitely need to give him a more firm ultimatum. tell him u r leaving if he does not delete her from his my space, make his profile private for her not to get in , and u will continue to check his phone bill until ther are no calls to her. if he doesn't like any of those things, tell him oh, fricken well !!!! tell him he made u like this and until u can trust him again that's the way it is !!!!
2006-10-09 16:59:58 · answer #7 · answered by just me 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you looking at his phone bills? You are driving him away and pushing him back to her. If you love him then trust him but don't be too naive about it. He may still have feelings for her, but he's still with you isn't he? And does she sound interested? Use your instinct but stop snooping.
2006-10-09 16:56:57 · answer #8 · answered by SexxyPrincess 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me that he is still in love wiht her. the next time u see him calling her or messgaing her u should definetely break up. I might belive him but I would keep cautious. Like I said the next time something happens break up. If so he is deifnetely still in love.
2006-10-09 16:54:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think he may have feelings for his x
i was in the same position
i was with a great girl which i loved but i was in love with my x
so i did talk to my x
but never took it further because my gf was the one for me not my x cuz my x never prove to me she s worthy of me
so i stop talkin to her but not all men r like that
2006-10-09 16:55:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋