When should you give up realistic hope of finding love and a soulmate?

Question

Now Im 39, ive been looking for the right girl for the guts of 20 years. Unfortunately all the girls I have wanted I cant get (or presumably Id been with them), I have tried compromising lowering my standrds etc but it does not work for me. I am frustrated as any thing about being single again, and panicing that I have been looking for 20 years and in 20 years Ill be 60! Should I Call a spade a spade and just accept it is not meant to be or if it is to be it aint going to be for very long!! I worry friends and family think there is something wrong with me. I also feel empty and exhausted!!Any wise words welsome Thanks you

Answer 1

When you're dead actually! The right one can be just around the corner... :) Don't look too hard, she will come one day! Good luck! :)

Answer 2

You're never too old to start a new life. 39 is not old, its a number. Draw on your 20 years of experience and try to learn from them. Turn those years into a positive tool. You've got a lot of data to work with about what to do and not do in the dating world. You may need some help organizing that however. Maybe a dating coach?

Also, I've never done this and you may think its lame, but have you tried the matchmaking sites? I've heard good things about them.

Make sure you don't come across as desperate when you do have dates by the way. Just don't give up man!

Answer 3

Well, I wouldn't give up if I were you. I'm 49 and just met my soul mate last year. You're right in implying that some people simply never find their soul mate. Of course, that's entirely possible. After all, how often have you actually met someone who liked you a lot and you liked them a lot and you were both available at the same time? Maybe once every five years or so? So in 20 years, that's what --- 4 or 5 people, tops? That's about average, I'd say. And the chances of the relationship really, really working out are not that great. Matching people is HARD, and harder for some than others. My personal opinion is --- never give up (as if you really could!), try to up your chances of meeting the right girl by increasing the number of people you meet (double it or triple it), and also try to find a nice (female) person who can give you honest feedback about yourself. Go on a bit of an improvement campaign. Even if you don't meet Her right off, you'll feel a good deal better about yourself. Above all: Don't Give Up!!!

Answer 4

No, never give up! I was 50 years old, been in 2 violent relationships and then on my own for a few years. I had promised myself I would never ever get married again or even live with another man. Then out of the blue I met someone - on a supermarket carpark of all places. (Just shows - it comes along when and where you least expect it!) Don't try too hard, it will just happen without warning or expectation. My hubby & I met on a Tuesday, again on the Wednesday, moved in together on the Friday and haven't been apart since; we married less than 8 months after our first meeting and neither of us have ever been happier. So do not despair; when it happens, you will know, and believe me, it's worth waiting for. Good luck & blessed be.

Answer 5

I am 35 and have been married 3 times looking for Mr. Perfect and my soulmate. I went thru my last divorce at the end of last year. Right after my divorce i ran into an old friend from school and I KNOW without a doubt that he is my soulmate. I didn't think it was possible for me either. i just figured i would spend the rest of my life alone because i didn't think i would find the one person that I could see myself with forever but that was completely untrue! We are engaged and for the very first time in my entire life, i KNOW i have met my other half! Keep looking and never give up hope. Expect it when you least expect it.

Answer 6

one theory says "yes! and then you will find love the next day". If you are trying to hard, you may be driving people away. Stop trying, and things may happen

but I prefer "never ever ever, till they carry you away in a box, and not even then, godammit!". Optimism, and a general belief that good things can happen to us unexpectedly, is actually a pretty effective tonic in itself.

More importantly - make sure you are fixing the right problem. You need to be comfortable in your own skin before you ask anyone else to be comfortable with you. Look into your soul, and do it with professional help. Yes, the old "get therapy" dig. But I'm allowed to say that cos I did go get therapy, so I'm not cheesing you up.

I never found anything I was looking for but I found a stack of great stuff that I wasn't looking for.

Answer 7

No one can say for sure when you will meet the RIGHT one. Only time will tell. So what you're 39, that's not old. You've still got plenty of time to meet her. In fact she may already bein your life and you just keep looking past her. The one thing you can't do is true to make something out of nothing. When you try to hard, it will only make things worse. Stop LOOKING for her and let her find you. We often find LOVE in the places and people that we least expected. Your soul mate may be one of the people who answer this question, you just never know. But when it's right, your heart will let you know if she's the one.

Answer 8

Please don't give up. I believe there is someone for everyone, and you will probably have contact when you least expect it.

Do make sure you get involved with lots of different groups, activities etc. Supermarkets are also said to be a good place for meeting someone.

In all seriousness don't make it obvious - as that would put possible contenders off. Just be friends with all, share interests/activities/hobbies etc. Most importantly be yourself - pretending to be someone you are not - is also not a good idea as you will be found out eventually.

Wish you all the best and hope you meet that special someone at a time when it is ready for you both to meet.

Good Luck.

Answer 9

That's the problem, you are looking for Mrs. Right instead of concentrating on being soulfully satisfied and single. We spend all our lives, those of us that are past the 35 year mark and still single, looking for that right one. We need to take time and realize there is nothing wrong with being single. We must first know how to be and make ourselves happy before we can make someone else happy. If we are at a point where we are still looking at our age, then we are not centered on the right thing. It is at that time when the one for you will come along and sweep you off your feet. God does not allow anything to happen to us before its time. Also if you were at the point of happiness with yourself, you would be alright with the fact that everyone is not supposed to be with someone. NEVER lower you expectations or standards because that will not bring you your soulmate but possibily a solemate. (You may miss the one for you while messing with the one you with and be stuck)

Answer 10

Give up "looking" and that's when a lot of times love will find you. That's what happened to me. Even then things probably won't work out exactly like you want. Love faulters unfortunately, and even people's best intentions go astray. Even people that you think are "different" than others. Keep faith and that is all you can do, even if it doesn't work out at least you know you gave it your all.

Answer 11

that's the problem, you're searching for love and a soulmate. First of all love is an excuse for lust. Soulmates, do not exist. It's just said to make the other claim such. Look for someone who you get along with. If your desperate before a certain age then just go random and do it spontaneously. Good luck, cuz you'll need it.