I am a 21 year old women. Every weekend i spend every second with her. She always says let's see this movie before i say anything. She can always see a movie by herself or with one of her friends I can do something on my own. I feel like she's clinging on to me i know she may be afraid of me growing up. i want her to know that i'll always be there for her. i need my own space now. Does anyone have advice?
2006-10-09 09:31:19 · 34 answers · asked by Melanie P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Get your own life. Make your own plans for the weekend that do not include her, but do not forget her. Keep her involved with your life, but in a diminished capacity.....and if nothing else works, just level with her. Tell her the truth about how you feel and ask her why she does these things. She may feel that you two are better friends or she has a different perspective on your relationship than you do.
Honesty is the best policy.....just forget about the "brutal" honesty!
2006-10-09 09:37:41 · answer #1 · answered by submariner662 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This question has a VERY simple answer. She is afraid of losing her baby girl. She problem feels, if for one second she lets -you go, you'll run away, and never come back. I do not have any-kids, but I know about this stuff. Maybe you should say something like, "I have something to do this weekend, can we do it next weekend?" I'm sure she'll under-stand. or maybe you could say. "mom I'm 21, and I will ALWAYS be there for you, no-matter what happens. And if you EVER need ANYTHING, just let me no. but I need to spend some-more-time with my friends."
Just Try That
2006-10-09 09:39:40 · answer #2 · answered by paige 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mother really likes you as a friend as well as a daughter. I think that is super cool!! I can totally relate to that. I do know what you are saying as well. You do need to be allowed to grow up and get out more and more. I really think the best way to deal with this is to talk to her about how you feel in as kind a way as you can. Express your love for her, thanks her for wanting to be your friend and also state your desire to spread your wings a little. You can also say things like, Mom I would love to see that movie with you, but can I take a rain check as I have some plans this time with someone. Then make good to see the movie some other time. This still gives her the chance to be with you and it also lets her know that you are growing up and making plans of your own. It may also be best to cut the amount of time you spend with her a little at a time and not all at once. You could also ask her friends to be a little more aware of her and ask her out a little more often. It is not your responsibility to do this, but as a good friend and daughter who loves her mother it may be something that you'd want to do for her.
Good luck to you and to her.
2006-10-09 09:55:17 · answer #3 · answered by M C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you're 21 now and a grown woman. You need the freedom to meet people, go on dates and just be by yourself sometimes. Tell her you love her and would love to do something once a week with her but your weekends are not good for you. Take her to lunch or go shopping after work. Make it a fun time. You sound like a very nice, sensible person and she must have raised you well. But you both need your own life.
2006-10-09 09:35:23 · answer #4 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move away for a little bit... You could even make up a fib of why you have to do it... Try saving some money and going on a long road trip..Even if it is only for a few weeks and you could send her some letters while you are fgone telling her how healthy this has been for you.... Maybe pick up and go to school out of town or take the easy honest rout and just sit her down and tell her it is time to fly...
2006-10-09 09:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it may be time to have a nice conversation with mom about how you feel and since she loves spending time with you, then maybe going to a coffee house or restaurant to talk would be a good idea. Let mom know that you enjoy spending time with her, but that you would like to meet new people as well. You never know, she may want to hear that from you. Also, get involved in activities in which you can meet new people. Good Luck!!
2006-10-09 09:35:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you tell her how you really feel about the situation?She may just be confused and thinking that you enjoy the time you both spend togeather as much as she does.I know that you are 21and right now I'm just going on 16 so i wouldn't even understand but girl I am SCREAMING for freedom but, tell her in a way that doesn't hurt her. Bye!
2006-10-09 09:41:28 · answer #7 · answered by griffiniman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your gonna have to have a sit down with her and let her know that you love her and will always be there if she ever needs you but you are an adult now and would like to have some time with your friends and some space away from her.
Tell her you need to see what the world is like out from under her wing. But be sure to let her know that you are not abandoning her and that you appreciate everything she has done for you.
Your an adult now i know its hard to talk to our parents but she will appreciate your honesty and you talking to her like an adult will make her trust you and know that you will be okay.
2006-10-09 09:40:03 · answer #8 · answered by bree30 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to plan a safe weekend road trip with your friends. Call to check in with her once every morning and once every night. Once she sees you are safe and return home fine she will give you more freedom. Also - find more activities for her to do alone or with her friends. She kinda sounds just maybe a little lonely or in need of company or a pleasant diversion.
2006-10-09 09:40:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a job then get your own place. If not can you afford to go away (maybe out of state) to college. No one can manipulate you unless you let them. You need to learn to say no in a loving way. You can not let her fear of your growing up stop you. Or is it your fear of growing up and taking on adult responsibility that is the problem? Are you unwitting being a co-conspirator?
2006-10-09 09:43:31 · answer #10 · answered by al 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋