My boyfriend & I have been dating for about a 1yr now & we're very in love with each other. He's amazing, sincere & honest. I do see him as someone that I can marry in the future. However we have a large age gap. Im 20 & he is 37. When we met our ages were never discussed & eventually we went from accquaintences, to friends, to lovers. When he told me how old he was, it wasnt a matter to me because @ that point we were only friends but there was an attraction. He's a great guy. He is divorced. He married the mother of his children, but the marriage failed shortly after a year. Prior to that, they were together for 8 years as a couple. During this relationship they had four beautiful boys who are now between the ages of 7-12. My mom is very old fashion & stubborn as well as strict. She wants me to date HER dream guy not mine.I feel that she'll practically never accept anyone that I date, but I am very serious about him.How do I present him to her without her flipping out over his age?
2006-10-09 09:29:08 · 35 answers · asked by Roselyn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He has four kids, but doesnt have custody of them, they live with their mother in Conneticuit. We live two states away. They visit periodically.
2006-10-09 09:38:21 · update #1
Maybe you want to prepare your mother ahead of time on these age issues.
Don't come right out and introduce the guy right to her, right away. Instead, maybe mention a few "small" things off the issue here and there to her.
Like in a conversation, mention to her, 'Mom, none of the guys my age tend to interest me at all because they aren't NEARLY on the maturity level that I am. I am learning that I like older men because they are much more mature and on the same level that I am and I have a lot more in common with men that are of older age.'
Of course, you don't have to say that word for word, but you get my drift. Maybe mention a few things here and there to her, to point out just why you need an older man in your life in order to be happy with him.
After you have (possibly) warmed her up to the idea that you need an older man, start dropping a few more hints to her in conversation here and there as to what your boyfriend now is like. Start telling her that you would really like her to meet him because he is such a wonderful man, because he is so honest/sincere/great for all the other reasons you can think of to mention about him. And then when you do work you way up to introducing the two of them, try to avoid the subject of age or if anyone asks, maybe say why does it matter? we're in love. Maybe just allow your family some time to get used to the two of you being together, and after they get a chance to get to know the true him without knowing his actual age, *then* come out and tell them what his age is. This way they will have had a chance to get to know him without the judgment of what his age is.
Just a suggestion, hope this helps in some way; I have always dated older men too, they just make more sense than the younger ones!
2006-10-09 09:35:00 · answer #1 · answered by jennnnn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough question to answer, but here is what I think:
it's understandable if your mom opposes this love relationship. He is older and much experienced in the real world, which means that you two may have different opinions toward many things in life, but this is not a problem, because this is something that you two can work out. Honestly, I don't see how this is NOT going to work. From what I see, he is probably some one who knows exactly what he is looking for in a woman (that's you) and more serious in a matter such as this (not like a 20-year-old college guy who wants to have fun). If you two are meant for each other and love one another very much, your mom will know and feel it. Then everything will get better. You will be fine :)
2006-10-09 09:40:02 · answer #2 · answered by Audrey L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several reality checks to keep in mind, as in, "look before you leap!":
1. If you marry him, you will become the stepmother to four boys, ALL of whom are old enough to be your BROTHERS rather than your children.
2. His first marriage lasted all of ONE YEAR ; give some serious thought to what THAT might mean (especially since it takes two to tango).
3. When you are 50 and still IN YOUR PRIME and rarin' to go, he will be 67 and ALREADY SLOWING DOWN with the approach of OLD AGE.
4. He will be continue to be saddled with ENORMOUS child support costs for MANY YEARS, possibly followed by HUGE college expenses; do you want to live under those money-pinching conditions for the next fifteen or so years?
Perhaps BEFORE you "present" him to your mom you should step back a little and take a GOOD LONG --- and above all, MATURE --- LOOK at this scenario. Remember, you've still got your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you, while he's ALREADY LIVED HALF HIS LIFE!
2006-10-09 09:54:02 · answer #3 · answered by backinbowl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you still live at home? This could be a touchy subject, but if your living on your own, she cannot stop you from seeing this guy. Be honest with your mom and tell her how you met. I wouldn't put to much faith in the relationship lasting. Your a young woman and he is an old man. Your likely to get older and decide you want someone more your age and without kids as you have a lot of living and exploring live to do. Good luck
2006-10-09 09:48:33 · answer #4 · answered by danzahn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your mom is an idiot she should be thrilled that her 20 year old girl is dating a 37 year old divorced man with 4 kids. I am sure if you tell her that he had the 4 kids before he was married then she would really like him. I would say keep him at at distance and then when you are 26 you can date his oldest son.
2006-10-09 09:33:27 · answer #5 · answered by mark f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've read your question several times. Here's the bottom line: He is too old for you. You can word it however you want and the truth will still be that you are obviously too young and immature to realize that he's a preditor and you are his prey. You probably won't believe this and will do whatever you want anyway, but it doesn't change the truth. You're a victim of his manipulation and the best thing you can do is tell you mom and get her help having him--how shall we say--eliminated. Otherwise, mark my words, you will end up being his live-in nanny/housekeeper/cook. You will never get the level of love and respect you deserve from him because you've made it easy from the beginning to use you.
2006-10-09 09:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by Zebra4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, you tell her about his age first. If you're thinking about just showing up with him and shocking her then it would seem you actually have a wish to do that.
She won't have a heart attack, and she may not flip out. She may feel sick to her stomach to know that her daughter, who just last year was still a teenager and who probably still have some brain development to finish (see PBS program on the brain) is involved with someone who apparently had four kids without being married before marrying their mother, and who now has four kids of some of the worst possible ages for people who aren't their parents, and who is willing to date someone 17 years younger than he is.
Obviously, she won't be able to stop you from seeing this person or getting involved in a situation that may rob you of some of what you should have in terms of your young adult life; but she'll live with her disappointment that way many parents must. She'll come around to realizing that this is your decision, and it is not for her to wish you get more from your life than you apparently want.
When I was 20 years old I would have thought, "Hey - Why should I go out with some 37-year-old guy with four kids when I can go out with 24/25-year-old guys who are just starting out the way I am." (But that's me and not you. I'm just saying....)
People who are older than you (like your mother) can see what you cannot yet see because of your age. Maybe you're under the impression your mother wants you to date"her dream guy" because maybe you keep bringing home people that aren't quite what a young woman of your age deserves.
Good luck. She'll adjust and come around to realizing she can't stop you from making a mistake or short-changing yourself. (Note: Who has four kids by the time they're 37 years old? Most "great guys" are just getting married and starting families in their early- or mid-thirties. Who has four kids without being married? This guy was 25 (not a teenager) when he decided to start having kids without being married. Again, good luck with this "great guy" who doesn't feel too mature for a girl of 20.
2006-10-09 09:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u really love him like u say u do, then it shouldnt matter what ur mom thinks. The reason i say that is because i dated my boyfriend for about a month (im 22-he's34) i moved in w/ him @ 1 month. We've been together for 2 yrs now.. & still goin strong. My parents thought he was worthless just because he was married b4 (5yrs) & has a 14 &18 yr old daughters. They thought i could of done alot better. But i love him, maybe even more than life itself!! Which ever way u tell her.. if shes at least a lil understanding.. then she'll accept him...
2006-10-09 09:45:16 · answer #8 · answered by kittykatishere 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all, I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your Mom about what you overheard. If she gripes at your for eavesdropping just be like "Fine, I'm sorry I eavesdropped and I'm grounded forever. Now can we please talk about what you said?" Point out to her that seeing as she wants to just give you up, it IS your business, and that this is your family too. And tell her exactly how you feel about what she said. Don't let her steer the conversation towards the fact that you overheard something. Tell her you're afraid you're going to be left all alone! I hope it makes her feel like crap. What a cruel, unfeeling and selfish woman!
2016-03-28 02:55:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old does he look? If he looks young, it might be best to let Mom meet him first and see how well he treats you. Bring her gradually around to the idea that he's the right one for you. I'm a 38 year old male dating a 22 year old female so our age gap is about the same as yours. Her Mom has welcomed me with open arms. Good Luck.
2006-10-09 09:33:24 · answer #10 · answered by iuneedscoachknight 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋