what are your views on togetherness,marriage,faithfullness,and so on?

Question

I dont have traditional beliefs...im a bit of a free spirit im not at all sure about the concept of 2 people expecting so much from each other for the duration of forever...by the way i am 36 and have actually been married twice and yes im now single for the last 2 years and during my second marriage this concept kind of slapped me in the face so please dont come on here telling me that i will feel better when i meet the man i want to spend the rest of my life with...and im not bitter either,im actually pretty content but i do wonder if we were able to take lovers and live separately when we chose and didnt have all these rules and expectations,etc if the concept of marriage might work a little better....

ok just for anyone that doesnt get me...im not married i am happily single but have been married twice...;0)

Answer 1

Live your life. Just make sure you are happy, and not pretending for the sake of your family, friends, co-workers, etc. If you feel like you want to just be with someone, without any limitations, then that is just fine. You are grown, experienced, and know what is best for YOU.

However, if you happen to meet someone who you would love to spend the rest of your life with, then go for it. Sometimes we must follow our own rules for life, rather than go by society's.

Desi :-)

Answer 2

I am currently engaged to be married, and i feel the same way... Why if we love each other why do we have to that the final plunge. i feel there are to many stipulations when people come together in "Holy Matrimony" . I am content being a single mother of 1 and having someone to roll with the punches with me... seeings that he can't even get an erection. but he don't understand. I feel that if we even at this point just move in together i will soon end up in Jail for Domestic abuse... I have never been married.

Answer 3

Your concept of marriage is fine and it suits you thats OK
Me, I have a happy marriage of 25 years early next year and the idea of NOT being married is one that is definately not for me and thats OK it works for me. By the way my first marriage went down the toilet.
What I am trying to say is that what works for you or me is fine and you must do your own thing and be your own person and if things change then thats OK as well. We all do change a bit as time goes by and thats fine as well

Whatever happens in your life as long as you are in the driving seat and in control then good luck

Answer 4

Before you got married, or get married again, you should discuss with your potential husband, the points on the pre-marital checklist at www.drphil.com

There are issues and expectations that you shouls be prepared to deal with, have an understanding of, and some agreement on. These are things like religion, kids, where to live, how to divide responsibility, finances, family members, how you define infidelity, what you expect from each other, etc.

You seem to be harboring baggage from your past. I say that because you have a distorted view of a functional marriage. You say "I am not bitter but....." and proceed to describe something that sounds like you feel trapped by marriage.

Baggage contaminates relationships. Forgive others for their shortcomings, take responsibility for your own feelings, and seek wisdom in your mistakes. Move on with your newfound experience and thank those who were a part of it (both the good and bad).

Fulfill yourself with accomplishments. Make yourself happy so you willl be more attractive to those who want to share it with you. Your happiness is your responsibility, no one else wants that job anyway.


My thoughts on marriage: It is a partnership of two equals. Each contributes to the marriage. Both are willing to do what it takes to meet each other's needs. Each partner takes responsibillity for themself, and chooses their behavior and actions. Both partners share emotional intimacy (reveal to each other things they would not tell another living soul) and have empathy for each other. They both realize that they each have their own views and perceptions, and they give each other the benefit of the doubt and a chance to clarify their intent beofre reacting emotionally. They require total honesty and openness. There is no room for exclusive relationships with others. They turn toward each other, rather than away from each other, if their needs are not being met. They give each other the chance to come through, rather than cheat. They walk in each other's shoes, and respect each other's experiences. They realize that the initial "high" is a feeling produced by bodily chemicals when a relationship is new. They realize that when it wears off, new chemicals are produces that maintain long-term feelings of acceptance and respect for each other. They do things to keep it fresh. They continue to date and flirt, and pursue each other. They do not allow themselves to become self-absorbed and expect their mere presence to fulfill their partner. They actively fulfill their partner. They do not maintain relationships (internet chatting, e-mail, phone calls, "friends" dates, etc) with members of the opposite sex that exclude their partner. They do not do things that they would have to hide from each other, or would not do in front of their partner. They make each other a priority rather than another option. They do not rely on each other for their own happiness or sense of self-esteem.