i KNOW my boyfriend loves me, but lately he has been so terrible. He makes me feel awful about things i shouldn't feel bad about. Ex: I'm a HUGE fan of the beatles and yesterday we were at a school football game and there was a beatles cover band playing. I asked if he would go watch for awhile with me and he got angry and made a big deal out of it. It would have meant alot to me.I just feel like if he loves me he would compromise for a chance to make me happy like that.Things like this happen ALL the time and when i try and talk to him about it he misses my point completely and thinks i'm focusing on ONE solitary event...when it's really the problem as a whole. So he just claims he's done nothing wrong and says i'm being problematic. Things can be perfectly fine one second and the next he's angry about something. When we aren't fighting we have a very loving relationship.He treats me with such indifference and sometimes even like i'm his enemy.
How can i make him treat me properly?
2006-10-09 07:09:56 · 33 answers · asked by The Limerest 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You teach people how to treat you, believe it or not. Like school, some people are A's and some are F's. Time for you to start looking for someone that has a diploma in respect. Time for "Class"
( that's meant in both terms)
2006-10-09 07:18:59 · answer #1 · answered by Steve G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys aren't right for each other. The sooner you split up the better. Having similar tastes in movies doesn't mean you are meant to be together! I think you are just scared of making a drastic change in your life, so you are just hanging in there and hoping things get better. The truth is, they won't. They will only get worse. The times he treats you well do not make up the times he treats you like ****. You should get out of this relationship as soon as you can.
2016-03-28 02:47:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really answered your own question. You start by saying "I know my boyfriend loves me" but yet later you say "I just feel like IF he loves me he would compromise."
I assume you are fairly young but you seem to have a good grasp on how relationships work and how yours is NOT working. Relationships take communication and you don't seem to have a guy who cares enough to learn how to communicate.
Life is way too short to waste on someone who isn't making you happy. Tell him you need to have a serious talk because the relationship is just not working for you and you need some things to change. If he isn't open to listening and helping you guys come up with a solutions that makes you both happy, move on and find someone who is as intelligent as you are. Good Luck.
2006-10-09 07:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by BlueSea 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Limerest,
Typically, when people do what your boyfriend does, they have one of several issues.
1) Lack of their own self-esteem (i.e. they feel better by making fun of you - it boosts them up mentally)
2) Lack of awareness (i.e. he may not see it as being mean or making fun of you)
3) He's just mean and evil and doesn't care for you.
#3 is pretty extreme, so I'll assume that isn't the case :).
There's not really anything you can do to make an individual treat you better however, there is something that YOU can do to ensure that his bad treatment of you is nipped in the bud.
If he's really "unaware" and "unconscious" of how he affects you, you need to stand up for yourself - set boundaries. If he continues to go down a path that makes you feel bad about yourself, stop the conversation and leave the room. Be adult about it - but leave the situation until he is ready to be an adult and listen.
Sometimes going to couples counseling can really help communication situations like this too. If he doesn't think there is a problem and/or doesn't want to work through things (like through a counselor), then I think you should re-evaluate your need to be with him.
You need to ask yourself, why would I want to stay with a guy who treats me like crap? I don't think you do. I'm sure you're a smart, beautiful woman. Don't let him walk all over you. Relationships never have to be like that. Get yourself out of an unhealthy situation before your self-esteem is totally gone.
Good luck, Kristina
P.S. A couple of good books for you
He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X/sr=1-2/qid=1160418041/ref=sr_1_2/104-4126303-8943935?ie=UTF8&s=books
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560/ref=pd_sxp_grid_pt_0_0/104-4126303-8943935?ie=UTF8
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558505822/ref=pd_cp_b_title/104-4126303-8943935?ie=UTF8
2006-10-09 07:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by Kristina F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant make him treat you proplerly or any other way. You can ask that he listen to you and how you feel, and talk with you to find a solution to what ever the issue at hand is. If he cant do that, I'm sorry but you are better off without him. Dont ever let anyone treat you bad.
2006-10-09 07:28:39 · answer #5 · answered by brightambitions 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make him do anything for you. He won't change no matter what you do. Sounds like my situation with my son's father when we were togetherer. Follow the patterns carefully though. With me it was "oh- you're starting to gain weight- go to the gym" followed by "that perfume you're wearing (Estee Lauder Pleasures) smells like my grandmothers' perfume then- the clothes you wear make you look ghetto- you;re not going out with me. These are all the mean things he used to tell me. He made me feel stupid, like i was ungly no matter how much i tried to look pretty for him, he told me that the music i lsiten to is for looseers and so on. After taht- afew months after long weeks of unsults and him being mean to me i found out that he was seeing someone else. So- through these weeks he wanted to make the relationship seem like we had nothing in comon because of the things i liked in opposed to what he liked . He was waiting for me to get sick of him telling all the s hit he told me so i can break up with him. It sounds like that's waht your guys is doing. He might have met someone else already and kind find a way to tell you he doesn't want to be with you. If he really loved you he wouldn't treat you the way he is. IT sounds like you annoy him easily. DOn't get doscourgaged but- keep your flags up something else that you don't know about might be going on with him.
2006-10-09 07:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you can't MAKE him treat you properly. That should come naturally if he TRULY cares about you. Second of all, it doesn't sound like this guy has your best interest at heart. It almost sounds like emotional abuse. I don't understand why you're asking these questions. You should be ending this relationship. I've been there, too. And thank God I finally got out of it! Good luck!
2006-10-09 07:13:41 · answer #7 · answered by pureheart5110 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will only do what you allow him to do muffin, please take your esteem back from him. You are giving him to much power, as far as the Beatles thing, you should of went by your self you really didn't need him there with you. Speaking of that you may be to clingy, men tend to get really grumpy, and nasty when you are invading there space. Take a step back be honest with yourself and see if that can be what the problem is. If not, give him space anyway he needs it and so do you. Good luck.
2006-10-09 07:14:36 · answer #8 · answered by nina_ross692000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you can't make him treat you properly because it seems to be somethng else thats bothering him with you or vice versa. I will tell you this love does not hurt, if he doesn't want to be with you or if you get on each others nerves...who needs that misery. Move on and be with someone with similar interests. Since you said he has a hot head, he doesn't hit you or push you around does he? I hope not.
2006-10-09 07:16:21 · answer #9 · answered by Sweetbabygurl318 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out. There are too many guys out there to put of with Bullsh*t You are going to have a lot of guys that "love" you. The one that "loves" you will do anything for you and would never make you feel bad. (not intentionally anyway)
2006-10-09 07:15:19 · answer #10 · answered by Becky F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋