She's using the kids as a weapon??

Question

Ok so heres the deal-My boyfriend has two kids with his ex g/f no big deal we take them all the time I luv em they luv me. She hates me and thinks I am trying to take her place! I AM NOT! But she still asks me to watch them for her and I do. I took them to the zoo for the first time and she got pissed cuz she didn't do it. So now she says we can't have them all the time and if my b/f wants to see them he can go visit them. Thats fine but I feel like she's doing this trying to get him back. When he gets there she has dinner for him WTF? He doesn't tell me he's going to visit the girls if he did it would be ok I just feel like they are the family and I am a mistress even tho he lives with me. He spends more time at her house now because she's using the kids as part of her black male which is not right!! My b/f nows I am upset about something should I tell him how I feel or will I look like the crazy jealous g/f?? I don't know what to do

Answer 1

If he is going over there without telling you I can see your point in being mad at him. Let him know that its ok to go see them but you want to know about it. It sucks to hear this I'm sure, but nothing is really going to change until he goes to court to set up a visitation schedule or she gets a new b/f. Basically your b/f's ex is jealous of you, and she feels lonely. She has two kids with this guy so I'm sure she still cares for him. She is probably use to having him around helping out and she feels you are taking away his time from his kids.
My advice is you calmly talk about this with him. Let him know how it makes you feel and see if you both can come up with a solution to the problem.

Answer 2

Being a single mom I know how it feels when my ex brings around another girl. Its like you got to take care of your territory. And the reason she probably got mad about the zoo things was because you did it and she didn't which makes it look like she doesn't do enough for the kids making her look bad. She probably doesn't want your BF back but that doesn't stop her from doing things like cooking dinner and telling him that he has to come see the kids on her terms she is probably trying to get to you. If I were you I would tell him that you don't understand why he is spending so much time over at her house that you know he wants to see his kids but you would like for him to spend time with you too. Be as nice as possible about it and avoid saying anything that makes you seem like the over crazy gf that trys to control him if it starts to turn into an arguement then just let it go and wait till later to bring up agian.

Answer 3

This is a really tough one. I know because I am in a similar situation. Remeber this, no matter how badly your hurt, the poeple getting screwed over the most are the kids. Children are not blind or dumb. They see whats going on, they see who is happy, who isnt, whos being used, whos lieing etc.....You have a very tough choice to make here. You cant ask him to love his kids less or spend less time with them and I bet you dont really even want that! But you can sit him down and tell him calmly and rationaly how your feeling. Tell him everything, tell him honestly, be totaly upfront, spill your guts about what you feel is happening to your relationship, then shut up. If you harp to much then you will look like the crazy g/f. But if you tell him honestly and calmly one time and he really cares for you then things should start to change for the better.
I wish you tons of luck honey. And if for any reason he cant or wont make any changes to help/save your relationship then he isnt worth it!

Answer 4

I'm sorry I know this isn't the answer you want but if he's going over there "visiting his daughters" and she's making him dinner and he's not telling you then you need to ask yourself "What else is he not telling me about?"


Is she telling you she's using the kids, or is he telling you she's using the kids?


I've been where you are, it's not going to end in a good way!

Answer 5

I think you should tell your boy friend your feelings. Let him know that you love the children and you would like to see them to. Why don't he get some legal custody papers, so he can see them with out her threats. He needs to keep his distance from his ex, if he is seeing you. He can't have his cake and eat it to, if you know what I mean. He needs to decide what he wants. You and his children or his ex and the children. Believe me it will get harder for you if things stay this way. If you love him fight for him, if he won't listen to you, maybe he was never the right one for you.

Answer 6

this is a hard situation,, see if you two can work things out, ,by the mom and you chatting,, tell her to her face you would never replace her,, those children only have one mom,, maybe she is upset that you guys get to do all the first things with them and shes not included,,
maybe you all could plan a day to do something with the children so she can see forst hand how good you treat them and they like you,,,
but a child will alwyas come first over another relationship any day,,, she shouldn't use those chioldren to get anything either back into the realationship or for punshinhment,,,
good luck to you,, and keep fighting for your man and to spend time with those children
tell him to be honest with you,, you know he wants to spend time with his kids but please tell me and be honest i understand we can't have them together,, but maybe you could take them to a park or something so u are not there all the time,,

Answer 7

difficult situation to say the least--he will have to make the choice of scheduling visits where it doesn't interfere with your relationship--sounds like you are willing to do what you can; don't make it a contest for kids affection, should work out okay--he needs to make up his mind about how to deal with this and let you know so decision can be made regarding your expectations.

Answer 8

awww....man i thought she was actually using them as a weapon literally...like grabbing them around the ankles, swinging them around and hitting you with them.....shucks...lol

well i don't know how serious your relationship is with your man but you need to tell him to fight for visitation at the very least...as a parent to the children, he is entitled to equal visitation of his children unless she can prove that he could possibly pose a threat to them or her. she can't just up and make a decision that he has to visit her in order for him to see his children...this is going to be a sticky situation...but if you love your man you're going to have to fight for him.....because it sounds like she's deciding to try to start fighting for him too. a woman often still keeps feelings for the man she has children with and will almost always harbor a deep rooted feeling of resentment towards any woman he's with after her..... I should know...my sister still had feelings for the father of her 2 kids...even after he tried to kill her.

Answer 9

That's what you get for getting involved with people with kids. It's too complicated and you don't deserve that. You deserve to make your own family your own kids your own husband. I dont care if he's mr. perfect which doesnt even exist in the first place... ultimatelly you are in a tough situation.

Answer 10

I have never been in your situation but maybe you should just try to talk to your boyfriend about it. Sounds his ex is still in love with him.