What's the funniest joke you know?

Answer 1

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it,
the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they carry the casket towards the door,
the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

Answer 2

Cowpoke enters a saloon and sits next to an old cowboy. The cowboy has a bowl of chili in front of him. They sit for 20 minutes, doing nada when the cowpoke asks "Hey pardner, ya gonna eat that?" The cowboy slides the chili over to the cowpoke who eats it rapidly. Around 7/8 of the way through, the cowpoke finds a dead rat in the chili! He vomits the chili up and looks at the cowboy. The cowboy says: "Yep. Got that far too."

Answer 3

*A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.* They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her Nervousness and the broccoli casserole that she consumed. The gas pains Almost made her eyes water. * *Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets Out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. * *Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father Looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and Said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!". The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. * A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. * * This Time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer** rrrrrip.* *The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" * *Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" * A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. * This time she didn't even think about it.She let a fart rip that rivaled a Freight train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"



An elderly Italian man who lived in the outskirts of Monte
Cassino went to the local church for confession.
He said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman
knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So
I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, my
son and you have no need to confess that."
"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with
sexual favors."
The priest said: "By doing that, you were both in great
danger. However, two people together under those circumstances
are greatly tempted to act that way. But if you are truly
sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."
"Thank you Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I have
one more question."
"And what is that?" said the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"

Answer 4

An old man was sitting on a bench when a teenager with a rainbow mohawk walked by. The old man stared at him. Seeing him stare, the teenager said, 'What's the matter old-timer, never done anything crazy in your life?' The old man replied, 'Many years ago, I got drunk at a wild party & had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering whether you were my son.'

Answer 5

What is the difference

between girls aged:

8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed

and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story

and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story

to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story

and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story

to avoid going to bed.


At 58 - You stay in bed

to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed,

that'll be a story!!

Answer 6

this man walked into a bar he saw a note that said make my horse out back laugh pay you 100 dollars the man said okay i can do that so he walked out back whispered into the horses ear the horse laughed like crazy so the man payed him the 100 dollars the next day the note said make horse cry i pay 100 dollars so the man walked out back where the horse was came back in the bar the bar tender walked out back the horse was crying like heck the bar tender went back in payed the man the 100 dollars then ask at first you made my horse laugh how the man said i whispered to you horse that mine was bigger than his so the horse laughed okay so how did you make him cry the man said well i just showed him so he cry ed.

Answer 7

Four older women go out for lunch together. The first says, "You know my son is a priest and everyone calls him "Father." Isn't that nice?

The second woman rolls her eyes and says, "I've got you beat. My son is a bishop and everyone calls him "your grace."

Not to be outdone, the third woman shakes her head. "Big deal. My son is a cardinal and he's called "your emience."

They turned to look at the 4th woman, who sat smiling. "Those are all great," she replied, "but my son is handsome, muscular and a stripper - when women see him, they scream "MY GOD!"

Answer 8

This is the joke i know:

One day there was a mom and her child in the church. The child said, " I need to piss." The mom said, " shut up! you do not say piss in the church. From now on you say whisper okay!"
The child agreed. The next Sunday the child went with his father to the church. The child said " I need to whisper." The father said, " okay whisper in my ear." The child pissed in his father's ear and his father got an ear affection.

Answer 9

A man walks into a bar and sees a horse behind the counter. He opens his mouth to say something and horse interupts.

"Yeah, yeah," says the horse, "I know. I've heard it a million times before. 'Why the long face?', right?"

"No," says the man, "I was just wondering about you working behind the counter."

"Oh," says the horse, " you're shocked to see me tending bar."

"Yeah," says the guy, "What happened? Did the cow sell the place?"

Answer 10

this girl was at her private christen school and she was daydreaming and her teacher was asking her a question but she didn't hear her. the boy behind her pokes her w/ a pencil and she screams
"jesus" and the teacher said "thats right it was jesus"
ok so she's still daydreaming and the boy behind her poles her again and she screams "jesus" and the teacher says "correct"
so now the teacher asks "what did eve say after their (something#) child?"
and the boy pokes her again and she says " if u stick that thing in me one more time i'm going to break it!"
(funny right?)