My husband is 100% Italian and I have a mother-in-law who recently told me ... and I QUOTE ... "If I lived with you, it still wouldn't be enough time for me. I need more time with you".
We live 40 minutes away and see his family every weekend. We have a large group of friends and we have to cancel/bow-out of other events because we are always with his family.
We have a 1 year old and I am nervous about having more children because I don't want the issues of "time together" to escalate. I want a large family but this is holding me back.
My husband travels every week for 2 or 3 days and I don't think that limiting the amount of time we spend with his family (say to 2 weekends or 3 short visits a month) is too much to ask.
My in-laws are very sweet but are also "chameleons" when it comes to getting their way. I don't want to hurt anyone but I can't allow the time constraints to continue in fear that the issues will only get worse.
I need some solid advice please!
2006-10-09 05:56:29 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Italian boys and their Mammas, always an issue. Both my brothers have very strong ties to Mamma. One wife is just like her, so it's fire works. the other knows how to placate my mother and have a life with her husband. Good luck, you are fighting centureies of custom. Hubby has to feel like he is making the decision concerning family visits. If not, there will be friction. Again. Buona fortuna
2006-10-09 06:08:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Gosh, My family is Italian and Spanish and they never say that, I'm lucky I guess. I think that maybe they think they will pass away soon and want to live life not thinking they didn't spend enough time with the family. My husband's family spends time together on sundays and that's okay with me, they take care of the kids the whole time. All I can say is just ignore their comments, my sons birthday is coming up and my mother told me that she spoke to my aunt and my aunt asked about me for what I was doing for t.j's 2 birthday and my mom said spending it with her other family, when we are spending t.j's bday with just my husband, me, daughter,t.j. I just ignored the comment and changed the subject. European people are cruel sometimes even when they are family. Just tell them that the baby is sick and you can come over this week or you are not feeling well, convice your husband to stay. If that doesn't work, just enjoy the time, how akward it may feel, just realize that they won't be there always and then there will hardly be anymore family time. Just enjoy the time or lie about it.
2006-10-09 06:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm not Italian, I'm Mexican and we have the same problem. My b/fs family is big!! and his mom get hurt if she doesn't get to see us or our sons a few times a week. Lately we have been going over on the weekends and the boys stay for one night. But we try not to pay too much attention to it. We have to have our own lives too. I'm sure she does understand, she just loves to see her family. I guess it's just a part of life!! Hope whatever you decide to do is good enough for you!! Good luck!!
2006-10-09 11:47:51 · answer #3 · answered by mamaof2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am Italian, born and raised in northern Italy. My husband is Italian, my mother-in-law either.
First of all, I'm very tired of people who write things as ''Italian boys and their Mammas, always an issue'' and stuff.
My mother-in-law isn't like yours, and my husband isn't like yours.
I met my future parents-in-law when I was engaged, they never invaded my privacy. My husband loves his mother but he doesn't live for her.
When my husband and I got married, it was obvious for us, my parents and his', a marriage means a man and a woman. If they have children, is a man, a woman and their children.
My Italian mother-in-law doesn't live with me and we never met her every weekend. My husband and I hang-out alone or with our friends. We have always been on vacation alone, without our parents.
Your mother-in-law and your husband are playing a childish game. She doesn't want to stop considering her son as a baby, and he doesn't want to grow up. If my husband acted like yours I would have known it when we were engaged and I never married him. I can't stand a mama-boy man. None of the men in my Italian family is a mama-boy.
Family is important, but there's a line. If I were you, instead of saying us your concerns I'd talk to your husband. I would never accept his behaviour. All you should do is telling him you want you to be a couple, that you already have a mother, you got married to him, and his mother have to understand her role. Frankly, she acts like a pain in the ***.
I would emphasise this isn't our culture in northern Italy. So, people, please stop writing everywhere online the Italian men and the mama-boys thing. It's annoying.
2015-05-03 19:54:12 · answer #4 · answered by Giuly 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋