What do I do about my 9 yr old getting bad grades in school? School just started a month ago...?

Question

My 9 year old is already getting bad grades in the 4th grade. All homework is done but he just slacks off in school. He has already had his seat changed twice for talking and distracting others around him. He is a really good child at home. Very quiet, shy and helpful. Do I need to talk with his teacher? Possibly request to change his class? He was a perfect student at his old school his old teachers had nothing but nice things to say about him. No problems at all. I just don't understand the personality change from one year to the next.

Answer 1

You should definitely talk to the teacher. There could be something going on at school that you're not aware of.

Answer 2

Don't panic, this is probably age appropriate. He is no longer a baby and not yet a young man, so he is a little uncomfortable in his own skin and trying to push/define his boundaries. First, don't compare this year's behavior with the past, he was not a 9 year old then, nor a 4th grader (the work is getting harder). Second, communicate in a respectful and loving tone that his best effort and best behavior are what is most important to you, and that you will be looking for them at home and at school. If the effort and behavior are in place, the grades will follow. The grades will vary by subject according to his natural ability, and that's OK. The world does not need us all to be Nobel Mathematicians, nor master artists. Help him keep a positive attitude by praising the effort. Finally, definitely talk to the teacher and keep an open line with the teacher so that you can gain some suggestions on how to support your child at home. Also, the two of you can maintain a consistency in the message your child hears.
Be patient, this is natural. Good luck.

Answer 3

I would talk to the teacher and ask her if she thinks your child may show signs of adhd. My daughter is 8 and we had the same problems last year with her. She takes medication now and does very well. When she was in second grade she was also getting bad grades and come to find out she failed her eye exam and that is why she was not doing her best. The medication my daughter takes allows her to concentrate and get all her work done and not disturb anyone else at school. I don't know if changing the teacher would be the best solution. If this is a new school for him then he could not be fitting in with the other kids as well as he would like to. Maybe he is not making very many friends at school. If this could be the problem I suggest throwing a party and invite some of the school kids over so they can get to know your son. I have four kids and I ran an in home daycare for @ 10 years.

Answer 4

You said your son is very quiet, shy and helpful. On the other hand he is getting into problems with talking and distracting others and his grades are slipping.

My take on this is your son is maturing socially. He is coming out of his shy, quiet shell and becoming more assertive. This is absolutley not a BAD thing by any means. He just needs an outlet for this new found assertiveness. Some kind of social experiences to satisfy needs now that he is getting older.

He seems to be having trouble focusing on his school work while exploring his social behavior and new school. Any team sports or boyscouts or the like would be a great idea.

Let your son know its fantastic to have friends, but school time is work time.
Play and have a great time during recess, but when you are in the class room its time to be a student and learn.

At this point, I really don't think disapline is the issue. Try the time for work and time for play aspect and see if that helps any.

Answer 5

I have the same problem. I have a 9 year old and his grade have really gone downhill between last year and this year in 4th grade. My son's teacher says he is "an angel" in class, however, he has come home complaining that kids are picking on him and his friend keeps getting him in trouble by talking to him. I am not sure what to do either, but I have also laid off a lot about policing the homework. He has to learn to face the consequences with the teacher if he chooses not to complete it.
It is possible that other kids at school are causing problems for him. Changing his class is only "rescuing" him, and he needs to learn how to cope with situations. My son requested that actually, complaining how he doesn't like the kids he sits with. I told him tough luck, he is going to have to learn to deal with it and ignore them if they are bothering him.
It might not be a personality change, maybe just some other issues you are not aware of. My son for instance is totally lazy and has NO motivation to do a good job. He is just now realizing that he will come home with a bad report card and not be able to get the rewards he usually gets for good grades, like extra game time, or a new toy, something like that.
Good luck.

Answer 6

If you say old school I assume he just change and maybe he's adjusting to it. This happened to me when I was his age, and even though I sucked at the beggining I adjusted to school very well a couple of months later and started getting good grades again. Maybe he misses his old friends, or he wants some attetntion. Talk to him (not angry, not yelling), ask him what's going on, if he misses his friends, why is he doing bad in school, maybe he's having trouble understanding the teacher or adjusting to the way he/she teaches. Tell him that the only thing he's responsible for at that age is doing good is school, so just take away tv time aor anything if he needs a little more studying tome after school, that won't hurt him, and I think It will actually make him understand that he has to try a little harder, and that requires sacrifices, like less tv, computer, games, etc.

Answer 7

Sounds like he's acting out (rebelling) against the change. I would first discuss this with his father to determine what the consequences will be for the unacceptable behavior and grades. Then I would talk to his teacher to see what she can do to assist with controlling the issues at school. My middle daughter went through the same thing... every year for the first 2 months she failed because she just couldn't get back in track with school. We set limits and many of her privledges (ie: phone, video games, toys, after school activities) were taken away. Kids now-a-days think everything is a right and they deserve to be given everything without having to perform to a certain standard. In the real world, as an adult, we are given privledges like driving, cable, cell phones, and even credit cards when we are responsible. Teach your child these values now and it will help him later.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Everything changes with new years. Theres probably new kids he's exposed to, new friends. He might even be a more popular child this year.

I'd sit down with him and the teacher. His behavior at school is still something you're responcible for instilling and demanding from home. You and his teacher should work together to make sure you're both expecting and demanding the same things from him when he's at school. The teacher will also be able to give her advice about what she thinks might be the cause.

Set up a parent teacher meeting and see if you cant work something out with her.

A lot of school find that its easier to lable children with learning issues when they dont confrom to the classroom environment, dont let them push that crap on you or your child. He obviously learns fine, since he's passed his other grades with good marks.

Answer 9

At that age, children haven't developed concrete reasoning skills yet (a serious, thorough understanding of cause/effect and ramifications of their actions). That having been said, your son may be sponging off of the teacher/ other students. Children are REMARKABLY adaptable to their surroundings. If he has bad friends, or is being bullied or perceives that he is being bullied then he may act up. Also--remember, grade school teachers are neither well paid or (in my opinion) well educated (at least in the field of child psychology). That means that the teacher may be reacting badly to the way your son acts in class. This may be something as simple as not saying the right thing at the right time to calm your son down. He's probably used to the way that you do things, and the way his previous teacher did things. Some key items to watch for:
Is the teacher relatively new to the profession or even the grade?
Is he/she amiable when you talk to them?
Have other students been acting up (check with other parents)?
Does he/she 'not like' your son? (You'll have to play the sleuth on this one.)

Change of class within the school may be a bad thing (stigmas and such).
Change of schools mid-term is even worse.

If he does his homework, but slacks in school he may be bored/ under-challenged. Don't get me wrong. Not ever child is gifted/ extraordinary (try to make an accurate and impartial assessment of your son's abilities). But if he was to be challenged/ interested in his studies I bet a large portion of the problems would go away.

With this in mind:
You MUST let him know that no matter what situation he is in in school, this behavior will NOT be tolerated. He has to know that even if his teacher is the meanest thing since Hitler, he cannot act up in school. This can be accomplished in many different ways and children react so differently that you'll have to be the judge of how best to do this. One pointer: yelling and threats don't work. Make sure he knows what he's done wrong, and what the ramifications are going to be for his actions, now and in the future. After he understands these fully, make sure you stick to them EXACTLY. No backing out when he puts on the puppy-dog eyes.

As you play the disciplinarian, you'll also have to look into WHY he's acting up (he has to know that what he's doing is wrong, but at the same time--if he was a good kid previously, then it's probably not his fault. It's your job as a parent to find out why he's acting up and change the setting so that he can learn again):
It may be worth looking into charter schools. There have been a lot of interesting schools start up, and it may be worth schmoozing with some of the administrators to get him a position secured in a good classroom/ school. If not for this year, then the next--although try and get this pattern stopped as soon as possible (the old adage, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" is doubly appropriate in this case).

Love him: let him know that you still love him (don't use that phrase, though--makes it seem like at some point you may stop loving him). Remind him that he's a good boy, and as long as he doesn't act up in school, he'll keep all the privileges and respect he's gained through being a good boy.


Hope this helps!


[Edit]
I don't know about the special needs / 1on1 suggestions.... If he was a good student, and doesn't have significant trouble with his lessons then the odds are that he's not disabled or developmentally different in any serious way. The social ramifications for getting '1on1' or 'special' assistance is so severe at that age that I would avoid it at all costs. Remember, set standards that he can achieve--struggle towards, but achieve-- and he will meet those standards. The second he thinks that there is any doubt in your mind or flexibility on what he needs to do, he'll start slipping. You have to be, what's a good phrase?, 'lovingly firm' with him.
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Answer 10

Yes he does need help & a good thing you as a parent cares & noticed.
Go to school & talk with the teacher and get him some 1 on 1 help,will be special needs, maybe even special education & that only means he is not getting something for any reason or another.
We had to approach teacher for our grandson & he is reading very good now and asking the questions we'd hope he would.Kids block school matters out they don't like same as we adults do.
Good Luck

Answer 11

Such an extreme behavior exchange is worrisome. There may be a specific problem between him and the teacher. Changing classes may help him. Call the school and set up a meeting with the teacher, show the teacher and the school that you are interested and concerned. Talk to your son also, try to see if there is something else going on in his life that may be affecting his school work. (Problems with friends, girls, self, etc.)