Do you think it's too soon to want a committment? How do you feel about a committment ceremonies? Am I to old for a promise ring or pearl? We don't date other people. We have combined our finances. We have mutual goals set. But I want to be sure before I make that final plunge. He' hasn't asked, but I sure wish he would! I've never been loved by someone so much it scares me to think of life without him.
2006-10-09 05:33:17 · 25 answers · asked by May May 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The first thing I'd like to remind you all is "I am 45" and this is not my first time around the block.
I'm not insecure, I appreciate the love my boyfriend shows me.
Finally, I've never used a site like this and thought it would be interesting to see the answers. I don't expect anyone to do for me what I have to do myself.
2006-10-12 05:36:52 · update #1
Sounds to me like you are both pretty committed. I have been married over 20 years and haven't come as far as the two of you...e.g. combining finances. As far as needing to be sure...I can only say this, "you can never be sure." Let things go for awhile. See what happens. You might ruin things if the marriage issue comes up before he is ready.
2006-10-09 05:37:23 · answer #1 · answered by Emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've already made a committment. The only thing remaining is the paperwork.
As far as promise rings, that's always been a farce anyway. An engagement ring is the official "promise of an intent to wed" so what is a promise ring? A promise to make a promise to wed? Seems like an uncommitted committment, if you ask me! And the "too old" part? I've never heard of anyone with a promise ring older than 20 so I'd say so!
Finally, this is the 21st century... the age of equality. If he hasn't asked yet, and you have the desire, you ask him!!! Seize the opportunity!
2006-10-09 05:41:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 months isn't a long time but you know what ?...We aren't kids any more either ! I am going to be 40. I have 3 sons14,17 and 19. I am waiting for my divorce to be finalized. I know where I've been so far in my life ! I know what I have wanted and didn't get and I know what I want now! If you know what you want and you guys have already combined finances and have mutual goals, heck no !! Whats wrong with thinking about a promise ring or how about a verbal commitment ? Have you said that to each other? OUT LOUD ! My advise is this : Talk-Talk-Talk. Be open and honest about how you feel and what you want and what you expect BOTH of you. Don't play games. Life is short. Be happy. LISTEN and HEAR one another. Care what each of you have to say and CARE about how each of you feel about things EVERYTHING !!!
2006-10-09 05:41:41 · answer #3 · answered by crazartgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I have been married for almost 11 years and we were married 5 months after we met. I dont think there is a magic time to make a committment. If it had been 30 years and you were still having the second thoughts you are now then it would still be too soon. Trust the little voice in your head.
2006-10-09 05:37:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with those who answered before me. I think people who cohabitate and co-mingle finances need some sense of permanency. I would gently ask him if he has considered marriage. But, I'd be careful how I did it. Use the character of Grace on Will and Grace as a guide. Suggestively ask if he has ever thought that he might marry one day. Then, depending on the answer, you can began to narrow the questions and comments to your particular situation. This is what my parents did. My father was a bit shy to ask my mother to marry. Instead, since they had dated exclusively for several years, he made a comment like, "when we get married"..... To this my mother said, "well, when do you think we might get married?" He answered, "When's a good day for you". That was 58 years ago. They had known each other for 76 years. Then he died July 25, 2006. They had a great marriage.
2006-10-09 05:42:49 · answer #5 · answered by William T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I think its too soon to even be living together, but that's just me.
You seem to be doing everything at an accelerated speed, so why not get married too soon also... While you're at it, why not start a family too soon as well?
Throw your money into a pool, set life goals, share wedding rings, have babies. See if you can do it all within the first year.
That way, in your second year you can arrange for all the separation issues
2006-10-09 05:44:23 · answer #6 · answered by Clarkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same deal. I moved from Houston to DC with my then roommate turned boyfriend. We have been toghether for 2 years, and I am ready to move out. On your side, you have maturity, we did not... we are both in our mid-twenties and I am finding out that we rushed into this. We had a joint bank account, helped out his parents with their bills, the whole 9 yards, but I could see that he is not ready to take the next step.. Now he has begun to get really possessive. (BIG RED FLAG).
The thought of losing something that you really love and cherish is a hard thing to grasp, but you have to see that you can not be too assertive, because he might not be ready for such a commitment.
Only you will know what is best for you. Make sure that if you are ready to take it to the next level, that you two are on the same page.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-09 05:41:04 · answer #7 · answered by rosemarieguerrero 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Commitment ceremony? I thought that was for people who could not legally marry. You have combined your finances with his into one bank account? Not a good idea. He hasn't asked you to "commit" so really you haven't been asked to stay around really. Why don't you two just get married.. unless it would mean a higher tax bracket. Otherwise if you are feeling like having a big party with your friends.. just have the damn party. No excuses needed. Forget the "commitment" thingy. You know what.. saying you have a "boyfriend" when you are 40 sounds sill.. best to call him your manfriend/shackup.
2006-10-09 05:39:42 · answer #8 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think unconventional methods. He hasn't asked yet take the big plunge and ask him. Plenty of loving relationships have had the woman ask the man to marry them. Obviously you two have the same idea about what you want, he might just be slow to get to the punch. It's never too late or too early for commitment, it just depends on the couple. Go for whatever your heart tells you and be open with him and discuss it. Good Luck
2006-10-09 05:39:04 · answer #9 · answered by aquagirl125 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok--I hate to tell you this, but a commitment already exists! Combined finances and living together pretty much puts you in the commited category.
If you want a formal promise, then you be the one to ask for it. He is probably thinking the same way you are. Good luck!
2006-10-09 05:38:23 · answer #10 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋