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On Saturady morning, a friend and I were scheduled to meet for coffee. He brought his 8 year old daughter with him. All that morning, the kid kept playing this little game of waiting for me to start to say something, and then cutting me off in mid-sentence, to get her father talking to her about another topic. Once or twice I could have overlooked, but this happened constantly throughout our time together. Her father never once corrected her, or told her to wait until I was finished talking. Finally, when I was taking them home, she did it for what must have been at least the 30th time (I am not exaggerating!) and I yelled, "WOULD YOU SHUT HER UP ALREADY?!" She got tearyeyed, and I apologized. But I didn't appreciate her father saying to her, "You'll have to be quiet honey, "Rhino" isn't used to being around little kids." I'll admit I should not have yelled like I did, but I also think he should have said something to her way before it had gotten to that point. Any thoughts?

2006-10-09 05:26:50 · 24 answers · asked by rhino 6 in Society & Culture Etiquette

24 answers

I was raise in a large family and we children were loved but we were never allowed to be the center of attention or always be the stars of the show or be allowed to monopolize or take over conversations.

My grandma had a saying and it either you raise the child or they child raises you.

Children need to be taught manners and accountability.

My parents did a wonderful job raising all of us but they did not take crap from their children either.

Like my friend tells her teens I should not have to say this more than once because I meant it the first time.

Thank you for posting Rhino this was really good and insightful.

My husband and I do not have children but if we did they would not be allowed to pull the nonsense that kids today pull.

2006-10-09 05:35:38 · answer #1 · answered by encourager4God 5 · 2 2

Ok, you gain a point for asking a great question, but you lose a point for yelling ... sorry! Anyway, I think there are a lot of issues going on at once. Parents do not spend the time with their children they used to, because of working more than one job, both parents working, etc...so they feel guilty, and then don't want to be the "bad guy" with the time they DO have together. Children spend way more time watching tv than they used to (often without supervision) and are exposed to inappropriate language and behaviours, which the parents are either unable or unwilling to undo. People today are afraid to discipline their children, they are afraid that either someone will call the cops, or they are listening to those hippie child psychologists who say children should be allowed to express themselves however they want, wherever they want, whenever they want, whether it's appropriate or not.

Lastly, this generation (and the subsequent ones) seems to feel that good manners are "uncool"... if the parent refuses to model the good manners themself, then of course the children are going to be raised in a barn.

2006-10-09 15:09:04 · answer #2 · answered by Holly 3 · 1 0

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Many reasons why parents don't teach or don't know how to teach manners to kids these days.

Parents don't care, the parents never taught them as they were growing up, manners could have been taught, but the child doesn't adhere to them, or parents had a bad childhood, and now want their kid to be completely free as a kite and do whatever.

There is one thing I would NOT have done and yelled out the "shut up" incident. It didn't teach her anything. You should have told the kid two adults are speaking. Please refrain from interuptting. Perhaps the girl could have gone to another room or been occuppied with a toy.

2006-10-09 14:05:23 · answer #3 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 0 0

Obviously the father doesn't have any manners either, or he is just to ignorant and lazy to teach his child. that is just pathetic, I have a issue with ill mannered children, do not like to be around them. I have four sons of my own and manners are a very big part of their lives. That is really unfortunate, he is doing his daughter a very big injustice, she will grow up to be one of those females with the attitude of a heathen. I guess if you plan on being in the picture you can take the job of teaching her to behave and act as a lady with manners and explain to her that when people are talking yes even adults if you have something to say, say excuse me and even adults will stop talking to listen. I am afraid this is very much a horrible reality in our society today. I do not know what the problem is. But it is horrible. I am normally a very calm person, however, I probably would have snapped too. Good luck and God Bless

2006-10-09 13:17:45 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 2 0

Then why not point it out to her father instead of yelling? Some people are taught manners, and some are not. Did you politely remind the child to not to cut you off? I work with kids all the time, and some just need a little reminder. I see plenty of kids with manners. It's just as it is with grown ups. I see some who clearly respect others, while some respect nobody but themselves. If the parents don't feel it necessary to give others respect, then it's very likely their kids won't as well.

2006-10-09 13:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by Brian D 4 · 3 0

I totally agree, I asked a similar question a few days ago. You won't get nice responses from some "mommy's" out there. ha! It seems many parents let kids get away with so much and they overlook it or don't acknowledge it. She is obviously fighting for her father's attention with you. YES, it was very rude, he should of said something. Some parents refuse to believe their kids do any wrong. When it's addressed they get upset, "not my child!". So they make it look like it's everyone else BUT their child. It's not all children that are like this.but the ones that are make you think.

2006-10-09 12:36:16 · answer #6 · answered by Aidge 3 · 1 0

I agree that you overreacted.

However, it seems now that children are raised as if they were the greatest thing in the world. Children need limits. The father should have told her to stop interrupting.

As for spanking... You don't have to spank your kid to teach him a lesson. Just tell him to go to his room, or just keep repeating. Kids don't understand things fast, or they'll just keep trying anyway. Raising your voice can be a good trick. My dad never said anything, but when he did, we would always listen to him because we were not used to it. If he keeps on doing something, just make him leave the room, or if you can't (if you're in a restaurant), tell him he'll be punished when you get back home.

I agree: some parents try to be friend and try to understand their kids too much. YOU ARE NOT THEIR FRIEND! You're their parents! Even if you punish them, they'll still love you!

No wonder teachers have problems with kids at school! If parents expect the teachers to teach them manners...

2006-10-09 15:00:14 · answer #7 · answered by Offkey 7 · 0 0

wow. Two wrongs don't make a right. Your reaction was a bit extreme, to say that. "Shut up" is a terribly rude thing to say, especially to a child. I think it might have been better to say something before it got to the extreme it did, like maybe the third or fourth time, to say "excuse me, Susie, but I'm speaking". The father is probably used to the child's interruptions, and didn't realize that she was bothering you so much. Calmly asking the child to wait until you were through talking would have been much more mannerly and respectful, and would have made a better impression on the child. Or, even better, giving her something to do as a distraction. If he is a single dad with not too much experience in dealing with her, he might not really know how to entertain a small child.

2006-10-09 12:39:44 · answer #8 · answered by poppet 6 · 0 1

I myself get made fun of because I'm the type of person who WILL wait till everyone has spoken to add my two cents to the conversation.I'm even told that I'm the most patient person they know,and I often get asked how I do this and I answer."Because if I or my brother or sisters ever interrupted someone while they were speaking when I was a kid,my mom would give me the "Wait till we get home" look and then slap me or my brothers and sisters like as if we owed her some money. With todays "latch key" kids,the parents are working more to make more and the ones that lose out are the kids themselves.
The bills will always be there. Put your kids first and make THEM your priority.

2006-10-09 13:04:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I know right. I always said that when I have my kids, manners is the first thing in the list. There are enough rude people in the world. Do u have kids? If u dont then u sound like ur gonna be a good parent.

2006-10-09 12:31:35 · answer #10 · answered by chinaz777 4 · 1 0

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