I am the maid of honor at my cousins wedding and my cousin and i are really close because we grew up together and she is like a sister to me but recently since she is in Virginia studying at UVA college taking 18 credits trying to graduate early its her third year she has put a lot of the planning on me.I am in my first year of college and taking 13 credits and struggling because of trying to help her out with planning , go to school, and working for my moms small company . I took three test last week and was unprepared for two of them and may have failed because of this. I also missed my first two quizes in math class and am falling behind in my english/writing class and am feeling very overwhelmed.I dont want to hurt he feeling but helping her plan a wedding for 215 people is getting to me?
2006-10-09 04:31:27 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I tried telling her more than once but she will cry and tell me how stressed out she is and how she cant do it without me.
2006-10-09 04:35:35 · update #1
I know that if i dont focus on school know i wont be able to make it up and pass later.
2006-10-09 04:42:59 · update #2
If you explain your situation as far as school and it is hurting you then I think she would understand seeing as though she is in the same situation and trying to give you more responsibilites for her to complete her schooling.
I really don't think she would be very upset if you let her know you will help but not as much as she is expecting. She may not even realize what all she has put on you. She is stressed with school and the wedding. She did not realize what all you are doing besides the wedding.
I know I would not be upset if I was told this. Just put it to her nicely and let her know you are here for her but you are needing time to study to.
2006-10-09 04:35:18 · answer #1 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she picked you as her maid of honor, she obviously loves you and trusts you very much. The only fair way to tell her is just that -- TELL HER.
I would tell her in person. I would be prepared to hear that she can't do it alone and that she needs your help. I would also be prepared to let her know what you are willing to help out with.
When I got married, here is the guide that I used to plan my wedding. You can offer this to your cousin and you can work on it together if she insists that she can't go it alone. I did the planning on my own and found that as long as I took one step at a time and followed the guide (as well as giving else their responsibilities as the guide spells it out) it all worked out.
If that doesn't work, you just need to put your foot down and tell your cousin that if she can't take the planning then the wedding should be put on hold for the time being until she has the time to do her planning.
Let's be honest, planning a wedding is just like planning for the marriage that you are going to have for the rest of your life. How does she plan on moving forward in her marriage if you are planning the crucial platform steps to get to that marriage? Maybe she should ask herself that question.
Here is some information on the maid/matron of honor's responsibilities at a wedding:
• Holds the groom's wedding ring
• Arranges the bride's veil during the processional, ceremony and recessional
• Makes sure the bride looks perfect for all the pictures
• Holds the bride's bouquet during the exchanging of wedding rings
• Host/co-host the Bridal Shower and/or Bachelorette Party
• Witness the signing of the marriage certificate
• Provide your measurements to the bride for your dress
• Help address and stuff the wedding invitations
• Help the bride get dressed and ready on the wedding day
• Attend pre-wedding parties, if feasible
• Pay for your dress, shoes, and accessories
• Pay for transportation and/or lodging to and from the wedding city
• Help the bride in any small tasks or errands that don't interrupt the rest of your daily responsibilities
• Participate in the bouquet toss, if single
2006-10-09 11:47:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
*Hugs* I can really sympothize with you. You are being put into a very hard position because of your friend.
She put you in a hard position because she is selfish. Both of you have school and busy lives and she expects you to drop everything to help her plan her wedding. That is not fair to you and from what you've said it's already hurting your life and your future. You and your schooling should come first. Tell her that if she won't take the time to plan the wedding herself that she needs to pay a perfessional to do it because you cannot plan the wedding for her. It will hurt, but you need to explain to her that you have a life and have school too and that you do not have the time or the energy to plan her wedding. If she is any friend at all then she will be able to understand this. She should be able to sympothize because she doesn't have the time to plan her wedding and it is unfair of her to expect you to have the time eventhough you both share a hectic school schedule.
If you cannot make yourself stand up for yourself and put your life first, then you should put school first and do wedding things as an afterthough. If you explain to her that you cannot put all the time and effort into the wedding that it deserves and she still insists that you take care of it, then she will get exactly what she deserves: a half baked wedding. If she isn't willing to put in the time and effort then that is exactly what she deserves anyways.
I hope that you stand up for yourself. This wedding could change your life very badly if you do not stand up for yourself. If she is a true friend then she will understand and find a way to plan her wedding herself or hire a professional planner to do it for her.
You have a world of support from me, so stand up and take command.
*Hugs*
~~Lyn
2006-10-09 12:23:06 · answer #3 · answered by Cari Malmström 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tried. You did your best. That's more than anyone else is giving her @ this moment. Your best is hurting you more than you can afford to pay. If you are really as close as you say, then she would not want you to hurt yourself like this. If she cannot accept this, well, quite frankly, it's not YOUR wedding.
If she cannot take this responsibility, how will she take on the bigger responsibilities of marriage & kids? Maybe it's not the right time for her to get married. Maybe she doesn't need the Cecil B DeMills version with the cast of thousands. Maybe she needs to learn to think more realistically. Dumping this on you is tremendously convenient for HER, & also incredibly thoughtless.
Speak up - she deserves to hear what the effect of her decision is, & you deserve to be free from it.
Good Luck!
2006-10-09 11:49:55 · answer #4 · answered by WikiJo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just sit her down and explain the situation. If your as close as you say, she should understand. The thing is, it's HER wedding, so you shouldn't be siffering because she can't do it. If it's too hard for her, suggest someone else to help, such as your or her mum, a mutual friend, anyone to take the pressure off. And remember the most important thing: after the wedding, she might be married, but you will just have to go back to your studies, so you have to prioritise!
2006-10-09 11:35:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, the way I see it is, if she can afford a wedding for 215 people then she can afford an event planner. Point this fact out to her (with a smile) and tell her this would be an excellent solution to both your problems.
2006-10-09 11:41:14 · answer #6 · answered by Grace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be honest with her, she would probably be hurt if you DIDN'T tell her...she probably is so focused on other things she just isn't thinking and it sounds like you guys are close and she would want you to have fun at the wedding too and certainly wouldn't want to put this much pressure on you....be honest and i'll bet she and you both will come up with others that would be glad to help out and take some of the pressure off you both and include the rest of the family....good luck
2006-10-09 11:34:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your cousin sounds like a spoiled brat who is wanting all the glitz and glamour of a big wedding but is wanting no part of planning it and in turn it is making you fall behind on your life. set her down and tell her that you love her but you cant do it all yourself since it is putting your future on the line with missing things in school and all and if she starts her blubbgering stuff tell her that she is going to have to help you or you are going to have to step aside and leave it all up to her to complete herself. your future should come first. be strong and stand up to her.
good luck!!!
2006-10-09 14:39:44 · answer #8 · answered by atthean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask her if you can get 'sue' or mom or whoever to help plan b/c you have a lot on you b/c of classes right now. tell her you'll be happy to help as much as you can w/o declining in classes, but you would like to get some help from another girl. she'll most likely understand since shes in college too.
2006-10-09 11:35:04 · answer #9 · answered by chocolatelovergirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's simple. Tell your cousin you like to help out but the pressure is too much as its affecting your studies. You will still help where you can but you can't handle it all by yourself. Explain the situation and i'm sure she will understand.
2006-10-09 11:33:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋