Can you say something that will make me smile? Prefer g-rated comments and jokes. Can you brighten my day?

Answer 1

It's the international friendship song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BoGvScBQ2c

"Good idea, bad idea"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8PhzrmBgMI

And if you're not an Animaniacs fan:

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the--"

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road--"

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud! Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."

Clyde thanked the judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

"Then the patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'

"Now, what would you say?"

Answer 2

Sure I will gladly type something that will hopefully brighten up your day for you!!! Look outside the window hopefully the sun is shining, and you are able to think about something that makes you happy instead out what is making you upset and eating up your energy!! Is there someone you can call that will make you smile?? Just take a deep breathe, don't sweat the little thing's, take a step back and look at the situation from the outside of the box, and I really hope that your day gets better!!! Good Luck!!
P.S. Don't forget to SMILE!!

Answer 3

want to read some really funny and sometimes just corny jokes...i was reading on here the other day a poster that did just that...if you go under 'advanced' to search for questions...his screenname is 'woody' and the avatar is a baby riding in a melon car. some of the jokes are a little off color but the majority are just good clean fun. they will certainly make you smile.

Answer 4

I'll go the religious route.

a priest, a rabbi, a minister, and a guru walked into a bar together. They sat down at a table. The waitress came over to take their order. After looking them over and realizing what they did for work she asked them: What is this some kind of joke?

Answer 5

A US senator dies. He arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, there seems to be a problem. We seldom see politicians around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have my orders. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

With that, St. Peter escorts him down to hell. The doors open. He is in the middle of a golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him....in black tie, happily consuming lobster, caviar and champagne. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play 18 holes. Also present is the devil, who is a very friendly guy who dances and tells great jokes. Before he realizes it, a day has passed and it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and a day in heaven. Choose your eternity." The senator reflects, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and dispatches him to hell. The doors of the elevator open. He's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."

Answer 6

Love is the answer to everything. All you ever need is love,
communication and understanding. That's what I figured out so
far. If you are down, you need to get up and start doing something with
your life. Don't need to be shy, be straight forward and allways say what
you want and expect from the others.

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Answer 7

here comes the tickle monster goochie goochie gooo now are you smilling you should be today is a great day you woke up so be happy I smile every time I wake up cause I know that I will live for another day have fun

Answer 8

A man has just finished using the computer. He walks outside and he enjoys the day and the beauty of nature. Surely he is happy by now.

This man is going to be you.

Answer 9

At a beautiful church wedding a young Bubba inquisitively asks his mother why the bride always wears white. The mother whispers to her sweet son, "White is for the pure love she give to her husband, for the true love she has deep in her heart."

Young Bubba asks his pop why the bride wears white. The father chuckles and says, "Son, all kitchen appliances come in white!"

Answer 10

Howdy Partner, durent durent durent durent rent rent durent durent durent dureeeeeent Hiho Silver!