I need help: Guys please... girls if you want to?

Question

My b/f has a temper problem...Big time! BUt, he takes it out in me... He doent hit me, but he treats me like i am a stupid b****! i ask him if he is ok once, and he blows up in my face! example: the other day his mother was just yelling at him so much over the phone. When he got off, he went to go take a shower, then came out, got his coat... And LEFT! We were not even at his house, we were at his cousin's. They were not home, so he left me alone at his families house.Then, when i tried to call him maybe 4 hours later, he hung up on me after i asked him what he was doing? Did I do something wrong? What can I do if anything?

He has his temper tantrums, then then maybe a couple days later, he will say he is sorry. i don know whether to belive him, because i know that it will happen again
i just dont know what to do

Answer 1

ok
i was ur bf at one point
i used to go thru some issues at home and at work
and let out the stress
i will let it out on my x gf which wasnt the nicest thing to do
ur bf has an anger problem which needs to taken care off thru therapy
that what i did

also i discover when a person like ur bf does things like that

its because he doesnt know how to properly express his feelings
so he does it in a rage mode
which is unfair to other people

u didnt do anything wrong
he was wrong in every way possible

u need to sit down and talk to him
ask him what wrong whats going on with him
allow him to open to u and help him

he may not want to open or he may get defensive
which is a form of fear to express natural feelings

then he will need to seek help on his own not force

good luck

feel free to ask me anything my email is provided on my profile

Answer 2

I am trying to understand from the information what your boyfriend is actually doing to you.

You say he is not hitting you and the only other information seems to relate to him walking away from conversation.

If your b/f is being aggressive or threatening towards you then this is totally wrong and he needs to know that, if he doesn't already and you need to keep yourself safe from emotional harm and the probability of physical harm eventually.

If his mother yells at him, is he passing on learned behaviour from her or from some undisclosed past experience? Is his taking a shower, going out and not talking on the phone his way of coping with severe conflicts in his mind rather than hurting others or himself?

He needs assistance to deal with what is stressing him and his anger management, (perhaps a referral to an anger management counsellor via his GP) . Until he does this ( and perhaps as an incentive for him to do so ) you might want to tell him when he is calm and in a nice way that you want to spend more time alone as you are getting stressed and feel in danger of making HIS problem worse.

Stressful relationships can dissorientate you and even become addictive so I hope you can stand back a little and judge whether the relationship is ticking at least most of your boxes. Respect and love yourself and expect to be treated as you would treat others.

You are already putting blame on to yourself, very probably unfairly. Invite him to tell you what if anything he thinks you might have done wrong or might be able to do better, but not in a way that gives him another conflict for his stressed brain to try and resolve and remember he appears to be the one with the behaviour issue not you.

When trying to get him to open up ask him a lot of open questions such as 'how do you feel about.'.. or 'what do you think of ' ... this is a good way to have him open up freely about what is causing his temper.

Aso encourage him to do things he enjoys and maybe suggest new theraputic ones like long soaks in the bath.

Hope this and his GP can be of some assistance to both of you.

Good luck

Answer 3

You did nothing wrong. He has to unlearn the temper tantrums he has before he hits you or someone else. It sounds as though this behavior is something he has picked up from his mother.

His treatment of you is classic bully behavior. He puts you down in order to feel better. Again this is learned behavior, most often from a bullying parent. Mommy again here, but it can come from a father as well. The only way he knows how express himself is by bullying and yelling. Not healthy at all.

It sounds like he really needs to grow up and get some very serious anger management counseling. If he refuses to get help you need to get out of this abusive relationship.

Answer 4

Hey oochagirl listen up, this can be a serious problem.

Well first of all, call his Doctor. I'm not saying he needs one, you know, I'm not saying he's in serious needs, and im not trying to be rude, honestly, but if no other way helps you then you have to call a doctor. Losing tempor may be a matter of "Depression" And we all know that "Depression" can lead to serious things like cutting, or even suicide.

You really love him? Then you have to help out. Get a psychiatrist for him if you think he really needs help. Im pretty sure you didn't do anything wrong so don't feel or act like you did do anything wrong. Also give him some time is he ignores you.

I hope you'll take my answers for this sutuation, i really am trying to help.

Answer 5

Sounds like he's got a lot of pent up anger but he shouldn't be taking it out on you. If you are in a relationship you should go to your partner to talk about the things that are bothering you...not walk away & treat her like she's done something wrong. You shouldn't put up with him taking his anger out on you. One day it may get out of control & you'll end up getting emotionally or even physically hurt. Think this over. Is it worth being treated that way to keep him as a boyfriend? There are other guys out there who would be happy to have a girlfriend and treat you with the respect and care you deserve.

Answer 6

There is definitely some kind of problem with this bloke, it probably isn't anything to do with you. But seems very strange. I recommend you steer clear of him. You are a human being, if he doesn't treat you like one then you don't need me to tell you what to do. There are plenty of good blokes out there (well a few at least), and i suggest you keep looking.

Answer 7

You did not do anything wrong, but he will continue to make you feel like you did. What he did was wrong. I know this will be hard to hear, but even though he didn't hit you his behavior is abusive and manipulative. You don't deserve that. Get rid of him and find someone who treats you with respect.

Answer 8

My view on this situation is that he doesn't appreciate you. If he did he wouldn't throw all his rage at you he would let you in and let you comfort him. I say get away from him, he is a time bomb ticking away. He needs to find someone to talk to, maybe take some anger management classes. even though you said he isn't physically abusive it sounds to me like he isn't far from it don't stay in a situation where you become used to non-physical abuse that makes it harder to get away if he gets physically abusive. Good luck and sorry

Answer 9

I've been in your shoes before. Right now its verbal abuse. But I guarantee eventually he WILL start taking his anger out on you physically. Get out of this relationship ASAP. It's not healthy and it will do nothing but bring you down.

Answer 10

you did nothing wrong. he needs to find another way to vnt his frustration. i can tell you this though, i don't know how long you have been together, but if you are with him for too long, it will lead to physical abuse instead of mental or verbal abuse. that is unless he gets some help. good luck