I have a 4 1/2 year old with a man I was with for 5 years. we broke up in early 2005. we have been going thru a custody battle for the past 3 months now. i have full custody, she lives with me full time, and she hadn't seen her dad for over a year cause I had a pfa on him (he threatened me several times during the coarse of the breakup, a few in front of her, physically). He broke the pfa several times, and just this past summer I went to court over our daughter. I let him have her 2 hours a day on the weekends, my sister the supervisor. This was a trial run, for a month, and then we had a hearing last week to see if it would be wise for him to have her weekends, and he NEVER showed up!! His mom called and asked where she was over the weekend, and I told her he missed his hearing, and she said he "forgot" the time.
So, what to do? my daughter really could care less whether she sees him (don't talk bad about him to her), and he is bi polar.
2006-10-09 03:56:40 · 13 answers · asked by zoe and skylar's mommy 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Also, he missed 3 times seeing her in that month, first day he "forgot", the other 2 times mad excuses!!
2006-10-09 03:57:21 · update #1
i am very wiling to let him see her, but i don't trust him alone (not that he would hurt her, but I don't trust some of his judgement). His mom is very sick (cancer, and she has mental health issues).
I live in PA, and yes I do get support (a whopping $170 a month), but support doesn't equal visitation rights and vice versa.
I want her to see her dad, but he's making it so emotional and difficult on me when he doesn't show up!
2006-10-09 04:34:28 · update #2
It seems first of all if he is Bi-polar then when not on his meds he can be quite an upset or depressed person. That is not always a situation you want your children to be around. I am not saying by any means that a bi-polar should not have children.. please dont get me wrong... but forgetting the court times and dates.. I don't see that was the reason. If he really truly wants time with his kids and visitation or joint custody he would be working harder to get this. He would be showing up, letting the courts and his daughter know he is responsible, trying to call and just chat with her, letting her know he cares. That is what a "dad" who wants to be with his kids will do.
(I am on the other side... I am on the dads side right now with his step-daughter). My husband does want to see and be with his daughter as much as possible. He will talk to her on the phone, try to get his weekends with her. Sometimes though her mother does not want that. It seems she is scared that his daughter will have more fun or want to be with him. This causes hard feelings and a hard situation for the dad and child. I hate when this type of thing happens.
I do have to say in your case though.. the threatening, the physical violence.. that is not a good thing to have your child around. He needs to control his anger or frustration differently. If he cannot do this then how can you or a court trust his daughter with her father?
I respect that you do not bad mouth him in front of her. I hope no matter what happens you will not. Even if he is or ends up a deadbeat father. Let her find this out on her own. Later she will realize it when she is older. If not then she could resent you in the future for the bad mouthing remarks. Let her make her own decision in the future. But always protect your daughter to.
Good luck to you during this. I know you will need it and this is a stressful time. Just be there for your daughter as much as possible. If he straightens up and acts like a father then I would say yes... let him try to establish a relationship with her. but if he cannot find the time to show up for the hearings then apparently he is not ready to proceed. (It also seems a little like his mom is controlling it on her end. I just hope she is not the one trying to pressure the dad into this battle. I hope he is trying to do this for himself and not her. (I do however hope you let your daughter have a relationship with her grandparents on his side.)
2006-10-09 04:08:47 · answer #1 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
At 4 and half your daughter is old enough to be told that Dad is just like some kids not respnsible and not always reasonable. The court isnt gonna let you not provide him time to see his kid so try to get supervised. Perhaps someone less involved should supervise the visits. Or if you trust his mother maybe she could take primary care of your daughter so she can see her Dad. She will take your lead so try to put a positive spin on it. Even if her Dad isnt wanting to be spending much time with her obviously her other grandparents want to see her since they asked about her.
2006-10-09 11:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously a mama's boy and she is making excuses for him and he sounds like he is a deadbeat and an abuser. I cannot see any judge in his/her right mind giving this loser visitation. Much less supervised. Just follow the court order but if he keeps forgetting this then take it back to court and I am sure the judge will rescind the visitation and he may not get anything but a hard time or a vacation in the county jail. Good Luck.
2006-10-09 11:05:47 · answer #3 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could care alot but the bi polar may have him messed up. Your daughter doesn't care now but she will in later years all little girls long for a Daddy. It's good that you don't talk bad about him. I wouldn't tell her when he is susposed to come in case he doesn't show up. You should talk to him and tell him your concerns. If he continues the way he has you will have to move on without him. You could explain to your daughter when she is older that her daddy is sick, bi polar, and he can't control what he does. You are in a really hard situation best of luck to you...
2006-10-09 11:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by bramblerock 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of the child, I would let her see him. She may not seem to care now, but it will mean a lot to her as she gets older. However, he sounds like a freak so I would only let her see him under supervised conditions. Is he paying child support through the terms of the court? If so, you are probably obligated by law to let him see her. He may not care much, but he might have the law on his side.
2006-10-09 11:10:05 · answer #5 · answered by BigRichGuy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the way you told it seems the father doesnt care . But only if we know how much the father has sufferd how much agony he had gone thru , or he is avoiding seeing you all because he dont have the mental strength , those things may change my opinion
2006-10-09 11:07:16 · answer #6 · answered by abhisebastian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"So, what to do? my daughter really could care less whether she sees him (don't talk bad about him to her), and he is bi polar"
She is 4 1/2 she only feels how you make her feel. Examine yourself and your behavior
Though yes, he appears to be a worthless dad from this story as written
2006-10-09 10:59:59 · answer #7 · answered by David W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would follow the court orders.
I would talk to your daughter. If she doesn't want to see her father that should be her choice.
I don't think the father is a good father considering that he would do anything harmful in frount of you
2006-10-09 11:26:14 · answer #8 · answered by Dori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her father doesnt give a rats azz about his own daughter. Well dont be suprised there are a lot of fathers like that. Poor kid!
2006-10-09 10:59:29 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like dad is confused, but that is no exscuse to take a father away from a child. it wont be roses and sunshine all the time, but that relationship is very important
2006-10-09 11:00:24 · answer #10 · answered by tay_jen1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋