if you had a s/o or partner or lover who smoked tobacco and you did not smoke tobacco,
and you were clear you simply DID NOT want to be with a smoker under any circumstances , AND you cared for the person very much and had committed to accepting that person just the way they are but were not willing to give in on the smoking bit - besides some cold ultimatum, how would you resolve it?
2006-10-09 03:07:18 · 14 answers · asked by zigzagidiot 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Before my wife and I started dating, I knew she smoked. I can't stand smoke. I asked her out anyways. She smoked on our first date and I told her I didn't like it. I also told her that if she wanted to kiss me, she needed to stop smoking. The next day she stopped, and hasn't touched a cigarette in over 2 years. I guess I'm the best way for a girl to give up smoking. I am that damn good.
2006-10-09 03:11:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you were clear from the beginning that you had no desire to be with a smoker how could you of allowed yourself to become very committed to this person? You state that you have accepted the person the way they are yet you ask how you can now change them? If you truly can't accept that your partner smokes and it is that offensive to you, move on. If you want to attempt to live with their habit, see if they are willing to compromise in the middle. Ask that they only smoke outside, suggest that they chew gum or mints to freshen their breath etc.
Good luck.
2006-10-09 10:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Kwk2lrn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you had such strong feelings on the matter you wouldn't have gone near them in the first place.
how about compromising ? ie cutting down or smoking outside or just when they are not around you ?
PS you haven't really committed to accepting that person for who they are as you knew that they smoked.
I think the more you go on about it the more it will drive a wedge.
My mum was an extremely heavy smoker and her partner a non-smoker - so obviously he hated it. One new years eve she gave up completely on her own and off her own back which i was impressed with.
2006-10-09 10:12:24 · answer #3 · answered by weizy_26 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would'nt try to. You can't change a person,even if it is for health reasons,or simply because you don't like the smell of stale tobacco. A "cold ultimatum" is being arrogant and cold. You can't really care for the person if you do this
2006-10-09 10:11:54 · answer #4 · answered by Taylor29 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find someone who doesn't smoke. Honestly, I do not get why people work soooo hard trying to change someone into what they want that person to be. If you do not love someone the way he/she IS, then MOVE ON. Do not give an "ultimatum" -- it's rude and presumptuous to try to control someone that way, and ultimately, even if that person does change for you, he/she will resent it. Either live with what a person is or find someone you love just the way they are.
2006-10-09 10:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The guy I am seeing is a smoker. I'm not. I don't mind it as long as I don't get smoke in my face, but he always apologizes if that happens. Other than that, I just whine that he smokes too much when he smokes two in a row. He says "I know it..." and we're good.
2006-10-09 10:11:51 · answer #6 · answered by Mintygoodness1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it can be hard for some people to stop smoking rigth away they will need help but if you really love that person be willing to help them change with love not forcing them it makes it harder. They can not smoke around you they will do that until they can get it under control.There are patches, and gums to help with the smoking, i no my hubby has to give up smoking.... but if you Really care about that person DONOT let them go because of that help them with the smoking problem it will be alright
2006-10-09 10:22:45 · answer #7 · answered by LAMBERT C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was never really against him smoking, I just didn't want my kids to be around it. So at home he could only smoke outside, and not in the car either, eventually being in the snow was not worth it to him and he quit.
2006-10-09 10:10:02 · answer #8 · answered by justme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't go out with a smoker in the first place.
2006-10-09 11:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on or learn to live with it.. have an idea they smoked before you met them you can't tell them to quit now.. what is up with you.. if you like the person deal with it..
looks like you are going to lose on this one.
2006-10-09 10:13:28 · answer #10 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋