I have been having an affair with a guy that I work with for the past 6 1/2 years. He works the night shift. I see him every day. We have a very passionate relationship but he has never told me how he feels which bothers me a lot but he is continuasly asking me to come in. I have major feelings for him but this situation is not working for me anymore. Any suggestions on how he may feel?
2006-10-09 00:44:19 · 18 answers · asked by power driven 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Annoyed and fustrated.
2006-10-09 00:46:27 · answer #1 · answered by god0fgod 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You say an affair - is that because one or other of you are married?
If that is the case I can tell you he is feeling pretty happy about "having his cake and eating it too"
If you cannot directly ask him this question yourself after 7 years with him then you do not truly have a relationship - you have an arrangement and he does not care for you - only what he can get from you.
I am sorry to say this - but I think you know it is true and just need it confirmed.
2006-10-09 07:52:02 · answer #2 · answered by d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a simular relationship for ten years, but i'm a guy. I too dealt with the emotional feelings of being the happiest person in the world most days, then by myself wondering, if she really loved me like she says why is she there and i'm here?
I won't claim to know how he feels,but I can tell you this. I learned that nobody can make another person love them, it's something that either is or it is'nt. We still love each other, and i'm lucky to spend a couple days a year with her. I never moved on when we split up because I don't want to be that close to anyone else. It's not worth the pain when you put all that time in and then things don't work out. If he's a normal person he would'nt spend this amount of time with you if he did'nt care about you. I miss her every day, but I would'nt have missed the time we shared for anything. When we do see each other I don't expect anything, but to enjoy what little time we might spend together, cause I won't get my hopes up like we're back together or something, cause I can't handle the low of that high anymore. Life's too short to be depressed all the time, if he does'nt talk about a future after this long I would think seriously about what you want for your future. Trust me all of the sudden times gone by your alot older, you gotta work harder, and you still don't have the one thing you would do anything for.You deserve to have someone to share your life with, not share his with someone else for longer than it's emotionally worth it to you. Don't pressure him by any means, but you need to just ask him how he feels, give yourself atleast that. Then you know. Either way it'll be a big weight lifted off you, and you make some plans for the future with him or make up for lost time and get with the one your supposed to be with. Just don't wait too long, it only hurts worse the longer you spend with someone and then boom they've gone ahead with their own plan and you were'nt apart of that plan. Good luck, and never forget about the good times you spent, cause nobody can ever take that away from you!
2006-10-09 08:53:35 · answer #3 · answered by CHAMAULI 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are in deep trouble! I say this from first-hand experience and can relate to what you are going thru! Your major problem are:-
(i) falling head-over heels with this jerk!
(ii) knowing very well he is taken and not caring (u were in cloud 9! but now you are back to earth!) plus you both never discussed issues and just took each day as it came!
(iii) your eyes/mind are finally opened to the fact that things are at a standstill and you are not heading anywhere with him AND
(iv) The only good thing in the damn relatiohship is the SEX and nothing more!!!
Well, with such an overview of how things are, it all adds up to what everyone has said about this kind of relationship AND it is now up to you to take the first initiative of asking him where you stand in his well calculated scheme of pleasure with no pay!!!
2006-10-09 08:31:37 · answer #4 · answered by clueless j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesnt want to have a serious realtionship with you.If he wanted to,he would!You are wasting your time with this guy.It doesnt take a guy 7 years to realize that you are the one for him.He can figure that out within 6 months of your relationship.He doesnt see you as his wife or the mother of his children anytime in the future.He is just keeping you for whatever other benefits that you are offering.Dont get me wrong,im not saying that he doesnt like you or that he is just plain using you-basically the relationship will not go to the next level.Are you willing to wait?Cause if you are,then its just never gona happen.This is just my opinion but I wud suggest that you just ask him.
2006-10-09 07:52:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about that. convenience and booty call all at the same time.
if the man wanted to have anything else with you, he would have already had something else with you. after all this time, what has changed?
why not ask him how he feels and go from there? he is the major player. if its not working for you, then change it. talk to him and then go from there. be prepared either way because it could go either way.
good luck. glad you woke and smelled the coffee
2006-10-09 07:58:11 · answer #6 · answered by lodeemae 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is married already then I'd say he is just using you for sex. He doesn't want to let go of the security of his marriage or lifestyle he currently has. If he hasn't committed to you, or asked for a real relationship with you by now, then I don't think it will happen. As strong as your feelings are, if you want commitment, then look somewhere else.
2006-10-09 07:52:15 · answer #7 · answered by ang_172 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is USING you, girl!!! If he'll do it WITH you; he'll do it TO you!
I understand passion, but it's all wrapped up in the make-believe world. Once he professed his love for you (which won't ever happen, by the way), your "thrill of the chase" might be over. And, heaven help you if you ever had to wash his socks and iron his clothes like his wife has to.
He's a lying, cheating ******* - if I can say that word here. Change jobs. Change jobs. Change jobs. Lose his phone number. Change yours. You have WASTED (!!!!!!!!!!!!) seven years of your life on this jerk. How does that make you feel?
Remember: If he'll do it WITH you, he'll do it TO you. You could NEVER trust him.
I am assuming it is HIM who is the married one, but is it YOU?
2006-10-09 07:51:23 · answer #8 · answered by CURIOUS 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
all this time and you don't know how he feels??You are his play thing and if you don't know how he feels- ur are in major denial- if it is an affair is he married or you?? If so there is no trust there- what a waste- hopefully you have learned- some will take and not give as long as y0u let them- D
2006-10-09 07:50:34 · answer #9 · answered by Debby B 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why have an affair that long? has he ever asked you to leave your husband? if not that will tell you what you need to know; its just sex for him. if you have all these feelings for him why are you still with your husband? if you don't love your husband enough to remain faithful you need to leave. If it is he that's married the same would pertain to him. Honey he is using you. drop him and find a real relationship.
2006-10-09 07:50:53 · answer #10 · answered by nana_bad_ass 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Like an a hole. He probably looks at himself in the mirror every morning and wonders how he can keep living a lie, because he is lying to you or his wife and to himself.
2006-10-09 07:49:14 · answer #11 · answered by randyken 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋