how to discipline my daughter 12 & son 10yrs. old? they always fight as if they are not brother & sister?

Question

My wife is having stress or high blood often times when our children fight or misbehaving. I am an OFW so only my wife is left with our children. I keep on telling them that I will punish them by spanking, or let them kneel on the stones outside our house or even let them stand outside their classroom so they will be embarrassed, when I get home. But on the other hand I feel guilty and later feel sorry. Please help us. thank you very much...

Answer 1

my sister and i have girls who are about the same age. our solution to thier fighting was to have them handle it. we would seperate them, put them at the kitchn table and tell them okay, now you two talk it out and figure out the problem adn how to solve it. and do not get up until you have come to an agreement. this worked for us because not only did they have to learn how to deal with thier issues on thier own, without fighting, they also had thier problems solved without us interfering and having problems. at your kids ages they should be able to negotiate and compromise. this might work. good luck.

Answer 2

When your children fight separate them. Send them to different rooms in the house and give them a chore to do in that room. I have 3 daughters and when this happened one would go to the kitchen and I would delegate her a job, mop the floor, clean the silverware drawer straighten the pantry. One to the bathroom, to clean the toilet and polish the mirrors, One to the backyard to pick up dog pooh and water the yard. There is always something to do around the house more constructive than fighting.

I think the physical tasks helped them to calm down and gives them time to think. When they were all finished we would all set together and have a snack or start making dinner. And have fun and they always apologized to each other.

Threatening children with punishment from their father when he is away makes him the enemy. It's better if your wife finds constructive ways to discipline them. She can stay calm and delegate chores and soon you will see that they are less likely to fight because washing the shower isn't quite as fun as doing something or their choice.

Love and discipline go hand in hand. IF they continue to fight at least the house will stay very clean.....

Some fighting or disagreeing is expected but it should never get out of hand.

Spending time together as a family is also important. When you are home the 4 of you should do activities together and have fun....

These are tough years and soon they will be teenagers so it's is better to get this under control before it's too late.

I hope you are able to find what works best for your family...

Answer 3

Making all these threats does not work, as you have found out. You being the only one disciplining the children also does not work, if they don't respect your wife when they're alone with her. You and your wife need to take a unified approach. There have to be clearly defined consequences for misbehaviour (no pocket money, cancellation of something the kids have been looking forward to, such as a trip to the movies, etc.). But most importantly, you and your wife must follow through. If consequences are only talked about, but never actually imposed, the whole thing becomes a joke.

Answer 4

What is an OFW? She needs to seperate them somehow for punishment.............They are not allowed to play together(of course right noiw they don't want to) but they will when seperated.......(for 1 week) They are bored at this age, and yet lazy...........
Wife needs to keep each busy....I always gave our children 45 minutes for snack and tv after school.........Then they did homework.........Then they straightened up their room and made their beds.........Son took out garbage after supper, daughter did dishes.............One day a week, daughter helped Mom do laundry.
This time of year, son helped rake leaves 1 day a week...We put in pumpkin bags, or he would rake in a pile away from house....
Next week leaves went in more pumpkin bags, or garbage bags to be set out for garbage day............Around here it was simple.
If chores didn't get done, then no tv time, no phone time. Something was taken away for 1 day....If they did not do chore again, then something taken away for 3 days...(I always took away their very most favorite thing first) b cause they really wanted that thing... Today it could be No computer for a day or three, or no cell phone, And litterally take the cell phone away.....
There is always a way to unplug something on the computer and you can tell them you had the company cancel it for awhile....That will get their attention......Let them know how things would be if Mom and Dad did,t do what they HAD to....Don't pay bills, then No TV, No Phone, No ??.Everyone has to pull their own weight for all to get along...Good luck

Answer 5

First of all, I think it is difficult for the father to punish the children when he gets home and the mother has to be both mom & dad. I don't agree with the stone punishment. I am not sure if the kids are running over mom when she tries to discipline. She needs to be consistent. I would try sending them to their room and not allowing them to come out until they can agree to get along. I would also trying to take their favorite things away. I would recommend sitting down as a family and being honest about how this makes you feel and how hard it is on your family. What would they suggest to make their family strong--family night outs

Answer 6

First, threatening your children with physical or emotional pain and/or using that as a form of discipline is just wrong. Plus, doing any sort of punishment that is done publically and will put your children in a risky or humiliating position is often illegal (seen as forms of neglect or abuse).

There are a couple of issues going on here. You have an exhausted wife who uses the threat of you for disipline and then there is no follow through. You are frequently gone, so by the time you do get home you are too tired and feel too guilty about being gone to effectively discipline. Basically, we have two parents who, for a variety of reasons, aren't willing to be the bad guy.

The first thing you need to do is sit down with your wife and talk about the fact that whatever plan you choose, you both have to agree to follow through on it, no matter what (and in the beginning there will be some seriously angry kids, but you can't give in). Then come up with a plan that does not depend on your being there, has immediate consequences and that puts the kids in the position of making a choice about behaving.

Make a list of frequent bad behaviors. For each one, come up with a consequence if they fail to stop the behavior after being asked to (generlly, I tell them to stop, give them one more warning and then the punishment...two strikes and you're out sweetie). For older kids the best consequences are loss of privelages (take away a day of TV for every time you have to ask them to stop fighting) add on extra chores (if your daughter won't stop tormenting her brother, she has to clean the dishes on her own) or the wallet (a series of fines, deducted from their allowance). Money was the best one for my daughter, She is fined anywhere from .25 cents to a dollar for bad behavior. The money she pays in fines goes into a piggy bank we use to save for family fun days. She is 12 and it has proven very effective.

BUT...you and your wife have to hold your ground on what ever you decide to do. The adjustment will be tough. You have two older kids who are used to being threatened but knowing there won't be much in the way of follow up. But trust me, if you don't set firm rules and consequences now, things will only escalate in the nxet few years. Good luck!

Answer 7

Stand outside their classroom? are they home schooled? if so i would think that they need time away from each other as well as their mom, children that age are socially changing and friends are becoming more important to them and they need to be able to have private friends and activities away from each other,

as for "spanking them" NO that only teaches a child that the way to get what they want from others is to inflict pain
limiting items of major enjoyment may help but I've tried that and it didn't help here
Their ages have alot to do with it and like all other parents you and your wife will get through it

Answer 8

They are primarily in your wifes care so she needs to discipline them herself. I believe in disciplining children! If they are like this there hasn't been any. When they become teenagers they are going to walk all over you. I say spank them. I don't mean a tap here and a tap there I mean spank them hard and continue to do so every time they fight or are disobedient. Your wife has to demand respect because it's obvious that she's not getting it. A strong united solution between you and her is what's needed. You shouldn't let children have control of your lives like this. It will lead to the destruction of the family.

Answer 9

Hey Czar G!
Children require love and continuous attention.
It is you and your wife who are the solution of this problem. Actually we don't give time to our children.
If we sit with them, discuss their view about different things, share their and your ideas, the thing would be right.
All the children needs proper attention, so you be attentive to your children the will be OK.
In this manner you can correct their behavior and habits.
They can be mold as well mannered, well organized and example for others.
Both of you should start giving time to them, talk to them, discuss their aideas, share their feelings.
Ask what they do in school.
Give the time that they should do home work in your presence. Take them on picknick.
Love your wife and children, they will give the best results to you.
I pray for your success.

Answer 10

Don't threaten them. They soon tend to pick up on the fact that it's just words. You need to spend time together as a family. Maybe set a family night where you play board games together or watch movies. They will resist at first, but they're young and you are the parents so stick to your word. Embarrassing them does only that, it does not teach them any lessons.