My boyfriend of 9 months still hasn't made an advance towards me sexually. He also hasn't told me that he "loves" me yet.
I'm worried.
He's 22 and im 20.
I know for a fact i'm not ugly. Im a part-time model, and I currently attend university. So I assume he's attracted to me.
He's extremely affectionate, he phones me every chance he gets, and we can talk for hours on end. He kisses me in public. He makes me laugh and I love being around him.
Despite him being affectionate, he hasn't said the big "L" word, and he says that "Love" is a very meaningful word and he needs to be 100% sure before he says it to me. He also refers to sex as "Love-making", and he wants to make sure i'm the right one, since he's still a virgin. We've even slept together many times, but not sexually, just cuddling. Which confuses me too.
I don't know if this is normal for a relationship.
I wish I knew why he was doing this to me. He knows I love him, but he won't return it back to me.
2006-10-08 23:13:31 · 18 answers · asked by Dezzy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know he cares about me a lot too. I remember 3 months ago we saved enough money to go for a lobster dinner. He knows I LOVE lobster, so he gave me his, even though he really enjoys it too. He’s always been really selfless, instead of buying a video game he wanted really bad, he bought me a text book for school. I don’t think a guy who didn’t care about his girlfriend would do that would he?
This confuses me, I could see 4-5 months, but 9 months is pushing it.
2006-10-08 23:13:47 · update #1
It sounds to me like he is smart, level headed, and a keeper!!!
It seems that he really wants to take his time to make 100% sure that it is right and going to last, which means it cannot be based sexually. He seems very mature and loving. You should be thankful that you have found such a keeper at a young age. I didn't find it until I was 25.
While sex is great, waiting until it is truly a love-making experience will be worth it- trust me. I know it can be frustrating but get out your toys and enjoy yourself. He will enjoy you when the time is right. This is normal in a wonderful relationship. You do not want one where the only thing a guy wants is in your pants, unless you are still wanting to play the field and have a good time. If that's the case, let him go for somebody that will appreciate him.
He sounds almost too good to be true, but I do know that there are a few wonderful guys out there because I got lucky enough to find one too!
2006-10-08 23:28:22 · answer #1 · answered by Barefoot Chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you so worried about having sex.In fact, if I was a girl and in your situation, I would be happy that he not asking for sex which means that he does desire you only sexually but wants to have a long term relationship.
By the way, he has told you that the word LOVE means a lot to him and that may a reason why he is taking so much time in his decision.
I think there is something that you do or say or something like that which he doesn't like and that may also be a reason as to why he is taking so much time in deciding whether you are the right one for him or not.
2006-10-08 23:32:44 · answer #2 · answered by enigma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you happened to find a guy that has brains.. He has alot of respect for you and maybe he believes that sex should be after marriage.. Maybe he also has plans for his future and don't want to ruin it by chance of getting you pregnant and ruining what he has planned for his life.. he knows you are going to school and wanting to better yourself.. it is a real sign of respect.. accept what he is willing to give you by sleeping with you and just cuddling and holding you. it is very rare that you find someone like this that has as much respect for you as he seems to have.
And as he says he wants to be 100% sure before he tells you that he loves you.. 22 is still pretty young to know what you want for sure in your life.. so back off and let him do things in his time and just enjoy being with him.. I would have loved to run into a man like this when i was dating.
If you love him you will just let things take there course. for get about the sex it isn't that important right now.. just enjoy being with someone that can think..
You won't find anyone that will respect you more than this guy..
good luck.
2006-10-08 23:25:06 · answer #3 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him about it. Maybe he wants to get married first. When I was around 22 I became focused more on finding a spouse than on just simply dating. He might be feeling the same way. My wife and I did not sleep with eachother (biblically) until after we were married, and we are both quite attractive people. ^^
Also remember that sex sometimes results in children, whether intended or not. That could also be a factor in his decision to sleep with you. Sounds like a smart guy! I would keep him if I were you.
2006-10-08 23:40:17 · answer #4 · answered by Big Blair 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow- I wish there were more be like him! you don;t know what you have- OMG-So many just want to get in your pants and play house- you will not die without sex= He takes it very seriously- even the word love= I am amazed. You are so fortunate- he is not doing anything to you- wait = you will be glad you did- don't push him- think of what is best for him- be a little selfless- respect his convictions- the big L may come around- he has great self control- what a man-that is rare- D
2006-10-08 23:23:19 · answer #5 · answered by Debby B 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yeah way too long?
excuse me for asking but is he in the closet gay?
Maybe he's really self concious about losing his virginity, or super religious?
Whatever it is it sounds as though you have little chance of persueing a normal sexual relationship with this guy.
Whatever people say on here, it sounds as though you are a 20yr old hottie and any 22yr old guy would be working his *** off to nail you and you're stuck with some sap who can't close the deal.
One solution might be to dump him to see what he'll do?
2006-10-08 23:25:39 · answer #6 · answered by jonny Atlantis 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I see what you are worried about. I did the same thing with my now fiance for 3 years before we conceived. I wouldn't worry...I would use protection for now until you two decide to have a child. When you are ready to get pregnant, it may be hard to conceive, I got pregnant unexpectedly, but you can always get professional help with that. :-)
2016-03-28 02:27:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl you really must appreciate such a guy tell you what its love that he has for you and not lust im in the same situation but the diff is that i appreciate my man and my relationship is now two years old and no sex and i actually know that he loves me more for that very few guys would stand for that
2006-10-09 03:03:16 · answer #8 · answered by flossie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey look, it takes time, as hard as it is to believe even some guys are like that. Enjoy being around him and the day he tells u he loves you...it will mean alot. knwing that he is sure about you.
Dont worry and you're lucky to find him!
2006-10-08 23:19:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It`s all because he is a virgin. Sex is no big deal to him. If he had it with someone else before he met you, it would be a whole different scene here.
2006-10-08 23:47:08 · answer #10 · answered by bigpumpdaddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋