My ex has a kid. It is not really mine. But I have known that kid since he was 2 months. And I have been claiming him for that long. he is 2 yrs now. But she took him away from me cause she doesn tlike my Girlfriend? what do you think about that? Me and her were together, but then we broke up cause she cheated on me 3 times and lied. but we still agreed to be friends for him. I love him to death, and it hurts cause I go to Iraq in a week, for 8 months, and I dont get to see him before I leave. She is saying that she doesnt want him around my girlfriend, but she can have him around her boyfriend. I don't it. She also says that she wants me back, but im not taking her back. what do you guys think about this whole mess?
2006-10-08 22:45:24 · 18 answers · asked by kenny032004 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I feel sorry for the child in all this as she's using him as a weapon against you, and calling the shots when she does the opposite what a hypocrite! I'd cut the ties, i know it's hard but you said yourself the childs not yours and it's heartbreaking to let go but i think you must for your sake and wellbeing. As sounds to me all she'll do if she does come back is cheat all over again and you'll then be in the same position you are now. Tough on her i say if your happy with the girl your with now move on as she's gonna be nothing but trouble for you and i feel sorry for her child to be used in this way.
2006-10-08 22:51:49 · answer #1 · answered by sez75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's using the child to control you. I hope you're not paying child support! Although you love him, considering the games his mom is playing you are being set up for a life time of pain. Walk away from the whole situation while you still can! You will never be able to have a lasting relationship with another woman as long as the ex is in control. While most women can accept a step child and usually get along just fine. It's a whole other story if the ex is a wench and the child isn't yours and the ex controls you by "not letting you have visitation" Most women will just walk when things don't change! Find Ms Right and have your own babies and live happily ever after!
2006-10-08 23:01:03 · answer #2 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she is using her son as a means to have a relationship with you again. It is a horrible, horrible thing to use children in this way & sooo many people do it. The child is hurt by removing a caring,loving adult figure. I wish there was something legally you could do but I don't think there is. You could talk to an attorney & ask what your chances of visitation would be because you helped financially support the child for some time. I don't know if it would get you visitation though. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Peace
2006-10-08 23:05:52 · answer #3 · answered by curiousgeorge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is using her son to try and hurt you because she wants you back and you have moved on. Unfortunately you have no rights because you aren't his biological father nor have you adopted him. It is sad that she doesn't see what a good guy you are and wants to play games with you and her son. You sound like a great guy to me, not many men would want to continue a relationship with a child who isn't his after he broke up with the mother. Is there any way possible that she'll allow you to see him if your girlfriend isn't around? I know that you may not want handle it this way but you may not be the only one suffering. Her son has lost the only dad that he's ever known. I wish you the best of luck and I pray that you return safely from Iraq.
2006-10-08 23:01:27 · answer #4 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a very sad situation for the kid. But we are past the days when people got married and stuck together for the kids even if they were miserable, and wrong or right, I don't think we'll ever go back. Welcome to modern life. I give you three pieces of advice: 1, pray for the child and for your ex. 2, write and send cards from Iraq. 3, find a kid in Iraq who needs a little bit of attention. Maybe an orphan or something. You have love in your heart, and if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. It may not be a perfect answer, but we have to go with the flow and try to shine our light wherever life takes us.
2006-10-08 22:53:02 · answer #5 · answered by uncle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All children have fathers whether or not they are involved in their lives. Your girlfriend is jealous and is trying to use your love for the child as a tool to get you back in her life and ruin your new relationship. Don't let that happen. Unfortunately you have no paternal rights but if you have documentation that you have been a source of support for the child you can talk to a lawyer about your rights as the father figure. This woman is selfish and conniving and obviously chronically unfaithful and not thinking about the welfare of her child. You might just have to be strong enough to walk away.
2006-10-08 22:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel really bad for the kid. his mother is not thinking about his mental health/well being. she is using him to hurt you and that's the worst thing you can do to a child. he may only be 2 years old but children are very intuitive and they pick up on thinks parents think they don't understand. my parents did it to me and i am a grown woman now and still feel the affects of it. i know it is going to be really hard but i suggest you walk away from the whole thing. this child is the only thing she has left to use to "control" you. for the sake of the kid, i'd just walk away. this way, he will not see the fighting/arguing and she can "try" to give him a stable life without drama till she finds her next victim. his mother is being selfish and putting her feelings first. maybe that should be the last thing you ever tell her before you leave.
2006-10-08 23:25:36 · answer #7 · answered by origchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is wonderful that you were a father to that little boy. You are to be commended for your love and willingness to accept him. It isn't right sometimes what happens to children, they don't get to make the choices that affect them the most. My advice is to talk to his mother again and let her know how much you love him and want to see him again before you leave. Offer to just see him and spend time with him without your present girlfriend. I think it would be worth it to you to accede to her wishes in that respect. As to the taking her back, well, it sounds like there is a BIG trust issue and that won't be easy especially if you are in Iraq. If she really meant what she said about being friends for him, then I hope she would be reasonable and let you stay in his life.
I hope things work out for you.
2006-10-08 22:58:28 · answer #8 · answered by Morena D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a friend who is in the exact same position. but it her family who doesnt want him to play the father role. you could be tricky and getback with her for a moment and adopt him then ditch her so you still have rights......just an idea. but at all realness, i know this must be breaking your heart. try to talk to her calmly. explain how you feel about the child and that you two just didnt work out b/c of the cheating thing. this ***** doesnt see that you are a 1 out of a million guys. major props to you for taking care of a kid that isnt your and still wanting him after all this.
2006-10-09 02:39:22 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was going to suggest that you go to court over this, as judges are becoming more progressive on the issue of visitation. Problem is, you're going to be gone for 8 months, and at the age of 2, the child just isn't going to remember you. My advice is to move on unless you think the child is in danger.
2006-10-08 22:54:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋