Well my sister in law has a five year old daughter with whom she leaves with everyone else to take care of while she goes off and partys. So my question is should i call social services or stay out of her problems because i'm the one who is always watching this little girl. I have four children of my own so it's not like i have the money to spare to feed her and take care of her. So any advice on what to do would be great.
2006-10-08 21:52:31 · 18 answers · asked by mystic_rage879 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
This is my husbands sister.....and she is also a drug user and i do care for this child but she is at my house 24/7 and it has been this way for about 2 weeks now my sister in law does not give me money my husband refuses to talk to her and i can't get a hold of her so i am running out of patience with my sister in law.
2006-10-08 22:24:37 · update #1
I think caring for the child or the cost of feeding her is not the problem. I think that you are frustrated because the mother has the money to go party and that requires dressing for the part which takes money also. But she doesn't have the money to pay you something for your time and expenses.You have every right to be upset with your sister in law. I would mention to her that caring for an extra child is taking time away from your own children. and doesn't allow you any time for your own personal life!and although a 5 yr old child doesn't eat much "per meal" over time it adds up and that also deprives your children.I would set an hourly rate and tell her you expect to be paid that amount, if she says she will be back at a certain time, Any thing beyond that time is considered "overtime" or 1 1/2 times what you set your hourly rate at.Weekends cost more! put it down on paper and let her read it. Tell her, your house,your rules. And the first time she fails to pay you,don't be available the next time she needs a sitter. That's how it should be. But I am guessing that as a mother when you look at that child you see something in her eyes that you can't bring yourself to turn her away, God only knows her next sitter may not be as caring as you are. Unless the child is being abused and /or neglected I wouldn't envolve CPS, they would probably remove the child from the mother and that is a heart breaking ordeal for everyone involved especially the child. Maybe her mom just needs a wake up call! Has she ever considered that maybe you'd like to go out sometime or go shopping? Has she ever offered to babysit so that you and your hubby have a night without kids?Probably not she seems to be pretty self centered.
2006-10-08 22:45:10 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If the child is being harmed in any way or being neglected to the point of physical or mental damage you should certainly call Child Welfare.
The laws around child welfare are a bit strange and my training is California specific so it may vary according to where you are.
Just because a mother is going out and partying or doing drugs or any number of other bad forms of parenting does not constitute abuse or neglect it is just poor parenting skills. The fact that she has found someone, unfortunately you, who is responsible who will take care of the child means that she is not actually neglecting the child and has technically performed her duties as a parent.
This sounds more like a personal matter and not one that Child Welfare would take interest in. Have you tried speaking to her and telling her to take more responsibility and contribute her time and money? Have you tried speaking to other members of the family or a respected outside party?
This is sad and a terrible inconvenience for you but legally it appears to be little more than that. Of course, as I said above, if there are any types of physical harm or mental harm or neglect that could result in harm call child welfare.
The calls are confidential so you do not need to fear retribution and the welfare of the child is the most important things, if you feel the child is at risk and that this is more than just the mother being unfair and irresponsible call.
2006-10-09 05:17:01 · answer #2 · answered by la_thumpera 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Where is your brother in all of this? It is his child too and if their is unforseen circumstances that he cannot be involved for some reason then maybe you should turn to some other family member for answers other than calling social services. Try to make this a last resort as I really dont think you want your neice in the system. How ever if theres a way they would give her to you or another family member while mom gets her act together then do what you must. I will warn you once in the system and not placed with a family member you nor any other family member except mom or dad will be able to see this child again until they fufill whatever is required of them. So sort out what it is you really want for her, shes innocent and needs some one to really think about what they want her life to be like. Think about it all very seriously then make a decision.
2006-10-09 05:18:32 · answer #3 · answered by momof8 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as the child is being left with caring, decent people to watch over her, then you have no complaints to give to social service.
Its not unfit....even though its not good parenting.
If you can some-how manage to continue feeding /watching this child when asked you'd be doing the child a favor of a life-time. If you don't continue caring for her, who would her mother leave her with then? Someone not as concerned? Someone who could possibly hurt her? I know you wouldn't want that.
It sounds as if she (the little girl) is extremely lucky to have you. Children don't always get the parents they need or deserve, and thats why many count on neighbors, Grandmas, & other family members. Its hard I know, but always remember that a child always needs someone on their side.
Best of luck to you
2006-10-09 05:13:38 · answer #4 · answered by nobodyuknow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I am curious to where her daddy is. Is he in the picture?
I wouldn't call social services. This could end with her being taken and placed with the state. At her age (any age really) that can be traumatizing.
Here is what we did threw our court system for my niece. Her mother was kinda the same case, heavy on the partying. We went to court, applied for an ex'parte court order (emergency orders) to have her come live with us. We put why we felt she was in a danger where she lived (her mother was pulled over for DWI, she drove off without paying for gas, she would fight with her bf violently in front of my niece.) The court agreed that she was in a bad situation and needed to be moved. I receive her child support so I have an extra income to support her with. I received Guardianship, its a little different the custody.
Talk to her mother about how you feed things are going. Maybe she needs someone to point it out.
2006-10-09 05:11:52 · answer #5 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how can you watch a little five year old and not care about her..children's services generally ruins people lives. Think of the little girl, please.
Tell your sister in law you will probably not be able to care for her unless she sends food with her or contributes to you buying groceries...just thin some homemade soup somewhat or buy some extra macaroni..get some cheap food at Aldi's
If she finds out you called, she and your brother will never forgive you.
Do it for the poor little girls sake...you will be repaid in time for what comes around goes around and the little girl needs love from you not resentment.
About 20 years ago, I lived on $9.00 a week to feed four, gas for car, clothes, all holidays and birthdays and wedding gifts, etc, all household supplies. I was a miracle worker and my kids were not deprived of anything important..they had fun and nutritious food, tons of toys, good clothes, in state vacations, holiday fun, camping trips, etc. believe me, $9.00 was nothing back then for all that..nothing...
You can do a lot more if you think about ways to save a little extra. and cheap things to cook.. God has put this child in your lap, so do it for her and forget about mom for now..
2006-10-09 05:03:08 · answer #6 · answered by paula 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Are there any relatives out there to look after this pitiful girl? if there's nothing...i think it would be better to report your sis. in law to the authority,they will take the necessary action for the well being of the child...you need to take action earlier as possible before something might happen to the child,as you mentioned that she used to leaved her to anybody...she is a young little girl,we doesn't know if those people are good or bad...Please save the girl as soon as possible.
2006-10-09 05:49:16 · answer #7 · answered by msshy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd get your husband to talk to her as it's his niece thats being messed around by her. Or what about your mother in law could you get her to talk? If get no where i'd discuss with your husband about getting social services involved and what the next step will be as you won't want to lose contact with your niece altogether as she's the innocent party.
2006-10-09 06:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by sez75 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no a least she gets someone to care for her that shows she cares and one more child is not a lot more food if u dont want the child just say so im sure ur sis-n-law will take her somewher else
2006-10-09 05:11:16 · answer #9 · answered by purple_puma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
from what you have said, it seems that you have no other choice but to take some action...if i were you, i would first talk to the sister in law...try to make her understand that she has to take care of her child...if she dose not change, then call social services..
2006-10-09 05:02:51 · answer #10 · answered by thadu 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋