Life...Or...Death???

Question

WARNING: THIS IS A LONG STORY…
For the last few days my mental health has been declining rapidly. I have been severely depressed. Hurting myself badly. I stabbed myself , i.e. I had to get several stitches. I also bashed a glass ash-tray over my head., and just beating myself up in general. I feel like i deserve it. Like I need to be punished. I have been under a lot of pressure recently. I am prescribed Klonapim. I've been taking those like candle. Along with Painkillers, mostly Hydrocodone. I've became addicted or heavily dependent on those. If I have to go into a Psyche ward I would have to go through de-tox. My problems have come to the point where I cant stand it any longer. I have to do something, something drastic, like, having myself commented. But there’s a catch. I've already been in the Psyche wards around here, and they haven’t helped me. And it just ended up hurting those that loved me. And also I have a lot of thing I have to do on the outside. (To be Continued)

I have college entry exam coming up. I cant just leave it all behind. In other words. Should I go and try to get help or just try to though it out. Because If something don’t happen soon, I know something bad is going to happen. (possibly me dying, myable O.Ding, or suicide). But if I go and get help I could lose a lot. And hurt a lot of people. I don’t know what to do, I’m so confused. It just fills like its all to much, and I should let it all go. I don’t wont to hurt the ones I love but…damn its all to much. Everyone has such high expectations for me, and that’s a lot of pressure thing to fulfill those expectations. My question is what should I do. Sorry this is such a long story, I just need to get it off my chest.

Answer 1

I thought I am the only one who goes through the same problems. The pressure is enourmous and at some point you just totally lose control. The expectations are high and it breaks you down. You are expected to achieve, you are expected to provide the results, and you are expected to pull the weight because others are expecting you to and depend on you.
Here is what I did: I got away from others and started to live for myself only. Yes, it hurted them big time, but I needed to get away, otherwise I would of had gone crazy. Now I don't have to be perfect anymore, and now I can search myself and set the goals and standards for myself. Getting away from others was a very painful experience, but I had to cut all the ties, because there it was just too much. Now I am finally free, and trying to get used to my freedom. I am taking it one little step at a time. It is important not to visualize the whole picture, because if you do that, it will crush you. But take only one little step a time. No one is perfect in this world. You don't have to be perfect. Take it easy on yourself. Stop thinking about others (they will be just fine) and start taking care of yourself only. Go to the de-tox, take a good care of your body by getting it all de-toxed. Think only about your recovery. Take only small steps at a time, and be glad with small results. Don't set your own expectations too high. Little results are also results. Little things do you lots of good. The exam can wait or get postponed. It really can. Exam is not the end of the world. Exam is not a big deal and is not important. Only you are important. So take a good care of yourself, not of the exam. Those lots of things that you have to do on the outside can wait. You don't have, and should not have, to do everything at once. Little by little, taking small steps at a time, do what you can only. And when there is something you can not do, don't do it. Just leave it alone and set it aside. You don't have to be perfect. No one ever does everything. People do only what they can do, and most of the time it is not alot. Never overwhelm yourself with anything, or try to take more than you can take.
I believe you will be alright if you forget about others for some time, start thinking only about yourself, and start taking a good emotional and physical care of yourself only. It might take a few years, but take it easy, only one little step at a time, until you recover.

Answer 2

u think too much man....just go out with a couple of friends and rather than worrin bout things that stress u out, do somethin fun. im not exactly sure wats goin thru ur head cuz ive never been in that state b4, but death is never the answer. if life seems miserable and everythings goin to ****, its only because of the way ur viewing ur own life. if u preceive it from a brighter angle, u may notice that life is supposed to have its up and downs. without sadness how can one define happiness.
i dont believe taking painkillers and any other medication will help u effectively. go outside, clear ur head, and do something u enjoy.

Answer 3

Perhaps you should start striving to concentrate on "what makes you happy" instead of doing what's expected of you. Work on who you are and learn to understand that "you matter too".

You mention that 'everyone has such high expectations of you'. That could be one of the main causes of what you're feeling. What do you want? Ask yourself that and let yourself be who you are. It's your life, not those who want a lot from you.

If your school has a counsellor, go talk with her/him. Perhaps they can refer you to someone else with whom you can talk. It does help to talk with someone and reveal all your feelings.

Perhaps also you might be pushing yourself too hard for your college entry exam? Some depressions can be set off by stress. Take it easy on yourself. Talk with a professional. If one doesn't help, try another. Keep on until you find someone who you feel comfortable with. Take care of you.

Answer 4

I had a head on collision with a railroad train and am crippled for life . But life is still worth living. I take mega meds too. Im always in physical pain. Your worried about an exam? Get your butt to a hospital. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. Your behavior says you want to punnish your loved ones.If you don't know why than you better find out.

Answer 5

Speak to a scyciatrist (pardon my spelling), if that doesn't work, maybe its because you can't let out angers on others. I feel a lot better after bashing something over someone else's head when they make me angry, but thats just me. If neither of thsoe two could help, maybe its an anger management issue and you overreact over small failures. If not I don't know.

Answer 6

I can understand how you feel (I hate it when people say that) I have quite a problem with depression myself and have attempted suicide what stopped me was the vision of my daughter that flashed through my head. I know it hurts but you WILL get through this. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Email me if you need to OK?

Answer 7

YOUR HEALTH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. YOU SHOULD JUST TAKE AN INCOMPLETE AND RETURN TO SCHOOL WHEN YOU ARE READY AND ON YOUR OWN TIME AND ACCORD. YOU DONT NEED TO BE SO STRESSED OUT THAT LIFE IS HARD FOR YOU. IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO I AM HERE FOR YOU. DONT GIVE UP ON LIFE WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK BUT YOU NEED TO TELL YOURSELF THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD BUT YOU CAN DO IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. WICKENBURG ARIZONA HAS 2 DETOX CENTERS. ONE IS THE MEADOWS A LOT OF ROCKERS HAVE GONE HERE. ANOTHER IS THE GATEHOUSE. I HAVE HEARD WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT BOTH. LOOK UP THERE INFORMATION AND LET ME KNOW.

Answer 8

Hey man why do you do this to yourself? There are millions of other people who do not have so good as you! If you think you life sucks why dont you go to Afghanistan or maybe Bangladesh and see how some people live. Then you will know the true meaning of a how life can really sucks!

Answer 9

It fills me with such pain to read what you are going through right now. First off, thank you so much for sharing. I don't know if that helped you get it out and feel any better, but it's good to let others know how you're feeling for your safety, and so the people in your life can better understand what you're dealing with. I really admire you for your courage to come on here and say all that you did. It was a risk, and you took it. About your self inflicted wounds, I know it's a difficult issue- I know because I have been there myself, and have 2 of my best friends who are dealing with it right now too, and it is heartbreaking to go through this with them. It is extremely important for you to not go through this alone, so please try your hardest to reach out to the people who love you in your life. Having someone in your life to listen to you and genuinely care will hopefully be a sort of healthy release for you. For me, I had a friend who was willing to listen when I was struggling with cutting, and she was kind of an accountability partner that I could talk to about it without feeling like she was judging me. Of course, I sometimes told her after I had done it, but it still helped to talk about it. Another thing that helped me to ultimately beat my problem (as well as eating disorders and dysfunctional relationships i was in at the time) was my belief in God. Other than that close friend I already mentioned, I didn't tell anyone about what was going on, which caused me to kind of withdraw. Luckily, I was smart enough to go to God about it though with my pain and frustration. He is without a doubt the most important thing in my life and I couldn't have come out of that time without HIm. I can't explain how He helped my through, but He did and I give Him all the credit. I don't know if your friend or you are Christians or not, but I hope you will consider trying out a good Christian church (if you don't already), reading a Bible (in a translation you can understand like "the Message"), going to a youth group where you'll find lots of loving people and support, and really praying about everything (which is just talking to God like you would your very best friend). He loves you , He's got a plan for your life, He wants to help you to beat this and He's waiting. He'll also give you wisdom if you ask for it. Reach out to Him, He won't let you down! Keep hanging in there. Things look so bleak and hopeless, even to me, but God can work through any storm we face. If you want to talk about this more, you can email me at [e-mail]. Bless you, and I'll be praying for you

Answer 10

Pretty much, we can't help.

They'll all say, "don't do it" and stuff like that, except whoever said death.

But that's really up too you, maybe you have a lot to be depressed about, or maybe you're really whiny. It doesn't matter.

Personally, I don't think people have the balls to kill themselves often.

so if you're doin crazy crap like in your story, maybe you should willingly lock youself up.
Or get some happy pills
or a girlfriends
or something