No seriously - do people actually abuse the good-natured?
Do you find yourself becoming less tolerant and less giving as you get older as a direct result of your experiences?
I was once turned down for a job because the employer thought I was 'too nice'!
2006-10-08 19:51:21 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Blimey
Thanks everybody - it's good to know that I'm not alone:)
So many absolutely brilliant answers, I can't choose...going to the vote
2006-10-11 04:32:46 · update #1
We nice people are doormats. We are too nice to say anything about it. I'm getting much bitchier as I get older. Enough is enough already. I'm getting tired of having my good nature taken advantage of.
2006-10-08 19:54:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
YES!!! and YES!!!
I can't believe how people can take such advantage of "the nice"!
I've seen time and time again how lazy and/or rude and/or selfish people get when they know they're dealing with someone who is nice or good-natured!
There is a nationally aired radio program out of Chicago called "This American Life" and they did a segment once where a waitress did an experiment while she worked.
Normally she was a very attentive waitress who always smiled and joked with the customers and would go out of her way to make people's dining experience enjoyable.
She decided to see what would happen if she stopped being so nice. She was still pleasant with customers, but she stopped joking and didn't smile as much, she made no recommendations about the menu and didn't check on her tables as often --and she got BETTER TIPS!
Customers took better care of HER when she acted like she cared LESS about THEM.
I thought that was an excellent experiment but I found the results shameful
...but, unfortunately, NOT SURPRISING!
2006-10-08 20:46:21 · answer #2 · answered by mamabunny 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do think that is a true statement. Nice people do get taken advantage of more. But we really need to learn to be just as nice when saying no I cannot help you with that. Or it's not convenient at this time. Or No I don't have time right now. Being a nice person does not mean we have to be a push over. I have learned to do that over the years and I'm still a very nice person. I do what I can and what I can't I don't let get to me. We don't have to turn in to the complete opposite of nice just because we are fed up. A happy medium is attainable.
2006-10-08 23:56:03 · answer #3 · answered by purrfectsandcastle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good question!
I have been a stay at home mom for years. Early on when the other moms knew this I was getting dumped on quite frequently. Doing the class room helper & filling in all the time when the other moms skipped. Cookies & snacks. Doing all the softball treats (every single game, for a whole season)
This last summer my youngest daughter had a princess type pageant for our small towns festival. One of the working moms asked if I could "help" get her daughters costume made too. As usual, I smiled and said sure "no problem". I made both costumes (my daughters and her daughters) all by myself & paid for all the materials. Well her daughter ended up coming in second place and mine came in third. Nothing more from the other woman than a quick thanks and see ya later. My child (as you can probably tell) was not at all happy with me for making the other girls dress, especially since she placed before her.
So I'd have to say that yes after this latest episode my giving is going to be alot less. Once people know your a push-over, they keep pushing. And its really too bad, because I enjoy/enjoyed helping. But its like it turned ugly.
2006-10-08 20:06:42 · answer #4 · answered by nobodyuknow 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do think so. I remember a year or two back I decided I would become a nicer person, and ended up with some of the worst experiences of my whole life occurring as a result. I find being forgiving is especially asking for trouble: basically, once I decided I would be nice and forgiving basically, everyone who wronged me once would just keep doing it again and again until I had to give up on that **** and become a bitter and vindictive person instead. It's like that scene in the movie Sixteen Candles where the girl Samantha winds up alone with the Geek who is in love with her, and he suddenly jumps on top of her. She pushes him off and scolds him. He apologizes, and she smiles sympathetically and says "It's okay." He then brightens and jumps on her again. She screams: "I meant it was okay that you did it once, I didn't mean for you to do it again!"
I also have to say that all confidence I have in karma was erased by the experience. I see plenty of evil people who are happy and successful, and lots of good people who are miserable.
The fact is simply that the world is too full of bullies to make being a good person a reasonable thing if you do not with to sacrifice your own happiness to be so.
2006-10-08 22:33:58 · answer #5 · answered by KdS 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's actually a multi faceted answer. First off, nice people are more tolerant, so they are much more likely to be taken advantage of. Nice people probably CARE more about it, so they are more likely to get upset about it as well. "Too nice" for a job may actually be the case. If you are TOO NICE to fire someone, or correct someone, then you may not be right for some jobs. That doesn't mean that you are wrong for being nice, they just may think you'd be eaten alive. I teach 4th grade, and love it, but sometimes you need a firm hand.
2006-10-09 05:55:54 · answer #6 · answered by Brian D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, exactly my feeling, I have seen that the good nature and helping nature is sometimes taken as a weakness.
People take you for granted, and because you being a nice person would want to help others, people would put more demands on you.
As a result of direct experiences which I have had I have stopped become very nice or soft .
sometimes it is good to be bit tough, this world is based on negotations and the tough get more negotiations landed their way. The good people or nice people are not even negotiated with, they are taken for granted.
2006-10-08 20:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by Best Answer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No.
REALLY nice people enjoy helping out.
And as they get older they realise the old adage about teaching a man to fish, is true.
I only give away free fish to the truly needy, most I just teach how to fish - and everyone knows it.
Nice people don't work out in a job they are too nice for, so don't sweat it. The boss was right, nice people cannot make a profit selling used cars or FOREX. Also you would be miserable.
2006-10-08 20:17:12 · answer #8 · answered by Simon D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes nice people do get dumped on, they take the flack for everything because other people are so shallow and selfish they can't see what they are doing wrong, those sort think its their god given right to hurt and dump on the nice good people of this world, my hubby and I are have always been the sort of people that have been their for anyone 24/7, there have been times when we have put our life together on hold to help other people, no matter how much they hurt us we would still be nice to them, 2 years ago my hubby had a horrible accident at work, I can't drive so I rang my friend to ask could she take me to the hospital, she was busy, I needed to get our car back outside our house so arranged for my nephew to go on our insurance so he could do that for us, he was busy that night, no matter how much I put my pride in my pocket at that particular time people were always too busy to help us out, so tell you what I did, I dumped them out of our lifes and told them not to bother coming back because I was sick to the back teeth of takers and emotional vampires, two years on our lives are great, no stress or worries from others, the so called friends we had are only allowed to be in our life when its convenient for us, we do nothing for them anymore, it has been a hard emotional journey but there gets a points in everyones life when you have to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough or be a doormat forever, it really is suprising how people take more notice of you when you do make a stand.
2006-10-09 01:06:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never allow anyone to overpower you. But, at the same time, don't change your personality because of someone else. Then that becomes a weakness and its as though you are being manipulated. Be yourself at all times.
Just develop a more business like approach to newer things and situations in life until you are comfortable about the people around you.
2006-10-08 20:06:10 · answer #10 · answered by marnefirstinfantry 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes and Yes. I used to just set back and keep quiet until I was ran over so much, I just decided I'm not going to live my life like that anymore. Now If I don't like how someone is treating me(especially employers) I let them know they aren't going to run over me. I figure no job is worth that. I was looking for a job when I found that one, and if they can't deal with my honesty and opinion then they can do the job their self. Don't get me wrong I'm a really nice person to those who can respect me as a person.
2006-10-08 19:56:20 · answer #11 · answered by sweet.pjs1 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋