My father has cancer. How do you deal with the fear?

Answer 1

The "5 stages of death" often apply to situations in which death is not inevitable . . . but simply possible. They are as follows.

You -- with or without him -- start attending support groupd for those who have been involved in cancer. Start buying lame books like Chicken Soup for the Cancerous Soul and Cancer for Dummies.

The first thing you want to do . . . is understand his mental processes. How he's feeling. What he'll be going through.

Then, get informed. See medical and non-traditional remedies of cancer. Understand WHAT cancer is. You should know what the term "Lateral" means.

The best way to deal with fear is by unmasking it. Fear occurs because there is a potential risk we cannot account for or control. Some fear spiders because of the venomn, the bite, it's they're so small . . . who knows when one's sneaking up on you!

Some fear . . . closed spaces . . . because there's only so much air and who knows if it's enough?

Cancer leads to all sorts of UNKNOWN. Am I going to die? What happens after death? Will there be pain? Am I going to lose more of my hair? I don't know if I have the energy. Cancer is expensive. Do I have the money? Can I make my family go through this? How did I get this? Will my children get it? Will they have to remove something? How much time do I have? Is there life after death?

So you need to determine all the questions that are scary . . . and then start doing research. Some questions may not have such a clear-cut answer. You're looking for answers to remove the fear. The answers do not necessarily have to be the truth. The answers may not even be completely and entirely fitting.

If the answers are functional -- if they help make sense of this awful situation -- then the fear subsides.


Five Stages of Dying:
DENIAL: I'm too young to die. I'm not ready to die (is anyone ever really ready?). You don't just get up some morning and say, "Well, I'm ready to die today". Even when a physician informs one that nothing can be done for them the feeling that some mistake must have been made is in the dying person's mind. The prediction from ones physician of imminent death can do several things. It can give you time to prepare, take care of business, close doors, make amends. The shock begins to ebb as you come to grips with approaching death.

ANGER: Suddenly you are not in control of your life, or death. You have no choice......you are going to die. You have always known this, no one has come out and stated it as a fact before. It makes you angry, you feel so helpless especially at first, then guilt climbs upon your back Anger is directed at everyone and no one in particular. It is a sense of loss of control which is likely not a new feeling if you have endured a long illness. It is normal. Anger is in its own, a sense of strength. It can also be debilitating.

BARGAINING: You are willing now to compromise. No use denying it, anger comes and goes so perhaps you can make a deal with God! You are willing to promise to do or not to do specific things if only you can be given more time. It can be based on an upcoming event that is important to you. You can be suffering from insecurities regarding a member of your family or a loved one who you feel is yet dependent on you. There can be a rift that has never been eliminated that needs to be further addressed. You are not free to go until these reasons can be alleviated once and for all. You are hoping yet and eager to deal!

DEPRESSION: This is such a normal part of the process of preparing to die. You are already depressed about your incapability's in dealing with responsibility, projects and the situation of every day life. Symptoms of terminal illness are impossible to ignore. You are fully aware that death is inevitable. Aware, angry and filled with sorrow and here again the culprit of guilt sneaks in as you mourn for yourself and the pain that this is causing you family and loved ones. Another totally NORMAL phase.

ACCEPTANCE: This comes after you work though the numerous conflicts and feelings that death brings. You can succumb to the inevitable as you become more tired and weakness hangs on. You become less emotional, calmness arrives and banishes fear along with joy or sadness. You realize the battle is almost over and now it's really alright for you to die.

Answer 2

Absolute faith in God does help. So as someone else, please do pray to God for help.

By the way what type of cancer your father is suffering from?
I suggest the following.

Take him to a park nearby your place in the morning when the dew is fresh. He should walk barefoot on the grass. The chill goes throughout the body and upto the brain. This helps the body to relax.

After 5 minutes he must sit on the grass facing the east. The raising sun's rays have lot of energies. These eneregies go through the body and give a pleasant feeling. Now he should do some breathing exercise which is very simple. Hold the right hand upto the nose. By the little finger close the left nostril and by the thumb the right nostril. Take off the little finger breath in slowly through the left nostril and then close. Hold the breath for a few seconds and then let it out through the right nostril. Do it similarly from the other side. Breathing in and out brings a lot of oxygen to your lungs which in turn purifies the blood. This balances the blood circulation. The fresh oxygen prevents the cancer cells to grow further.

Now do meditation. Sit facing the east. Close the eyes to the extent that he could see the tip of the nose. Chant the name of your family deity. Please do this for 5 minutes.

For all the above increase the duration gradually so that he can do it for 10 minutes a day. From observing these you will find a remarkable change in 10 days time.

Answer 3

The Cancer society has people who can help answer your questions in this area. Locate the closest office and give them a call or check on the internet. There are places set up by the Cancer Society that you can talk.

Answer 4

Oh my dear one, I know how you feel, I've lost both parents to cancer and it is devastating. The only way to deal with this is through prayer. Pray with your dad too, it will bring you closer together. Also go with him to the doctor & learn as much as you can about the kind of cancer he has and try to talk about it with the entire family. Sometimes talking abiut it helps instead of ignoring whats going on. I will pray for you & your family.
Lord Bless

Answer 5

Spend time with him, find things to laugh about, and cherish every moment.
My husband had cancer last year, and I worry every day that it will come back. He is only 31, and we have 4 kids 12 and under, one with special needs. I could not imagine trying to live without him. It was terrifying.
Pray, pray, pray, and get support. Is there a support group for others your age? Find out, and join it.
Lots of love, and I'll say a prayer for you.

Answer 6

Lack of Knowledge breeds fear, so research his cancer and the treatments, also alternative treatments. Ask the doctor questions, Stay focused on the good things, Show him support and love, spend happy,quality time with him.

Answer 7

By understaing the cancer and treatments you can take a lot of the fear of unknown out if it but you will always have some fear because cancer is so bad.

it is always there; the modern "boogy man".

prayer helps and so does a support group and counsulling - get feelings out .

Jewells
32 months and still here

Answer 8

My heart goes out to you!

I lost my mother to cancer 26 years ago, & I still miss her every day.

There's no magic formula to deal with the fear..you deal with it because you have no choice.

Just take every day as it comes; make sure you tell your dad you love him; and most important of all, make the time to sit with him and just talk. Talk about crap! Talk about his youth. Talk about your childhood. Talk about how he met your mum. Make sure you learn as much about his life with you as you can, & also learn as much as you can about his life before you. They are equally important, & there'll be gems you'll remember & treasure when he's gone.
LAUGH! Right now you all need some funny stories; they'll help you all through the here and now, & they'll bring a smile to your face in a few years time when this is all over!

I wish you and your family all the very best through this very difficult time.

XXXX

Answer 9

coming from someone who had cancer.....the fear is the hardest thing to try and get a grip on. not the pain, throwing up, it's the fear. i think the support of my family helped me. u just have to let him know no matter what he's not alone. he has to trust in God and put all his faith in Him.

laugh with him, be supportive. always be yourself in front of him. that was really scarry. you feel like your world is stopping, but when people would come around and act scared or different, it made me scared.

God bless him and your family!

Answer 10

Educate yourself about the type of cancer he has and the treatment options. Knowledge is power. Go with him to doctor's appts so you can see what he is going through. Pray!