I have read a lot of replies to my inquiry and I am beginning to feel guilty. Perhaps I am being too hard on my friend. After all she only asked me to do her pedicure and give her a foot massage.
I realize everyone is upset and it certainly was humiliating, but wouldn't you do the same thing if asked or told to do it. It is just a foot massage.
2006-10-08 18:51:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I have 5 children, 1 single (she's almost 21 and 2 sets of twins and yes I finally figured out how I kept having babies)
There are a few times in a girls life that are very stressful, marriage being one of them.
Claire, your friend picked you to be her MOH because she knew that she could count on you. Does that make it all right for how she treated you at the Bridal Shower or on her Wedding Day, short answer, no.
Longer answer, she was probably stressed beyond her breaking point. All of this planning (which usually for girls starts when they are little bitty playing dress up with their mothers clothes) leads up to one day, one moment. She wanted everything to be perfect and had all these expectations. Everything that she asked you to do up to this point you probably did without question. That is one of the reasons that she picked you and not someone else to be the MOH.
Would I have done that, no. Would you do that, probably no. But we can not truly answer that until we are put under that amount of stress and see how we handle it. Would I drop this friend, no. Would I let her off scott free, no. Wait for a little while, then take her out to lunch. Over lunch tell her that you really appreciate that she gave you the opportunity to serve as her MOH. Then tell her how upset that it made you feel by the way that she treated you. Be prepared, this will probably upset her. She probably doesn't even realize how she was acting. Tell her that you value her friendship and this is why you are addressing your feelings. Tell her if it was anyone else that you would have just told them no.
You are a giver. That is not a bad thing but it can be if you give so much of yourself that you neglect yourself. The next time someone asks you to rub their feet, tell them sure as soon as you rub mine. They will either drop their request or your feet will be feeling nice and relaxed. Cut your friend and yourself a little slack. Unless this behavior is an ongoing thing and then you need to learn how to say NO!
Below are some sites that I wish you had seen before but the stories may help by showing you that you aren't alone and some people actually had it worst. Also it has a site that tells of a bride that was actually fined for her bad behavior!!!!
2006-10-08 22:01:50 · answer #1 · answered by kim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read your other post. It sounds like to me, that you have the tendency to be a passive person.
This person took advantage of you. I can almost understand if she wanted you to help her paint her toes (some girls have a comfort level with one another), but to ask someone to rub their feet? Would you feel comfortable changing her tampon? I was not there, so it is somewhat hard to judge, but by the mere fact that it bothered you enough means that there was something wrong with it or something that made you feel uneasy.
I would confront this person after the wedding and after you feel a little distanced from it. When you talk to her, you don't want to cry or yell. It's unproductive. But you should tell her that it was demeaning to you and the only reason you went along with it was that you didn't want to upset her on her wedding day.
If she is a good friend, she should feel bad that she upset you and she will try to explain herself and apologize. If she is shocked and insulted, she's not your friend as she obviously has put her feelings before your own thinking only of how she is affected. In that case, do you really want to continue a friendship with someone that is self-centered and absorbed?
2006-10-08 19:07:09 · answer #2 · answered by Isabella B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I would definitely not give my friend a foot massage at her wedding. I don't care how uncomfortable her feet were, it is entirely not appropriate for her to be getting one, or for you to be giving one, while at such an event.
It was very generous of you to give her the pedicure...it would have been much easier for everyone involved if she had simply gone to see a professional the day before.
And her treatment of you sounds abhorrent. She is supposed to have chosen you for this role because she knows that you will be there to support her marriage when it needs it...not because she needed a personal slave for the day.
2006-10-09 10:55:09 · answer #3 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being hard on her. If anything she's being hard on you. Well....if you feel what she asked you to do is legitament than why ask for second opinion? I was a bride'smaid before my wedding day and understand how much work bride'smaid roles are that why I appreciate them. Have your friend said thank you to you for all the hard work you have put into her wedding yet?
Overall, I feel you should not feel guilty....you didn't do anything wrong. Your friend is just a little to crazy.
2006-10-08 19:35:40 · answer #4 · answered by uniqaznmeg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I answered before too. With everything my friend did, if she had asked for a foot massage I would have told her, "That's what you have a husband for." and walked off. I'm not saying never be her friend. Weddings bring out the worst and best in people. Unfortunately, you got to see the worst.
2006-10-08 18:58:24 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope! I wouldn't have done it, it would have started with blowing on her toes at the pedicure, I'd given her a hair dryer and told her to point!!! she went to far, but you let her! I have always said "People will treat you as you let them treat you" if you showed her you were her doormat, she walked on you. Take a lesson from it, and next time you're asked to do something humiliating, say no! no one can humiliate you if you don't' let them!
2006-10-09 05:34:21 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Pepsi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wanted a foot rub she should have worn more comfortable shoes, if she wanted a pedicure she should have paid for it. She asked you to be a friend and stand by her not under her. Its one thing if she says "my feet are killing me" and you OFFER to rub them, but "rub my feet they hurt and that's your job" No, that was flat out rude. Its not what they ask of you, its the fact that they ask at all and rudely at that. Don't feel guilty. For a list of MOH duties read this, NO WHERE does is say personal masseuse
http://gardenwed.tripod.com/MOH.html
2006-10-08 19:04:40 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really dun see why you girls are ALL making a fuss out of this.
Claire's relationship with her fren should not be subject to your critique. So Claire used a slightly more dramatic title... ok so she didn't particularly feel comfy doing those chores for her fren. But which one of you girls has thought about why Claire was chosen to be the MOH? I'd like to think her fren regards her more highly than just a slave.
Look, get over it girls... sure it wasn't the most natural thing to do, but I've seen MOHs get all sensitive with their best fren who's getting married. It's not like Claire got ***** slapped around.
Claire... I realise how it might feel it's degrading for her to order you around and it's probably not the best thing to happen, but is she just the kinda girl who needs to be totally taken care of? I'm just saying I wldn't ***** abt my frens this way.
We have frens who attend weddings and we have frens who help at weddings. The latter group is a tight knit circle of frens who go beyond the call of frenship to do what it takes, who'll at the end of it all say, "I'm glad he's happy". If you feel so strongly about this, next time just stick to attending weddings.
2006-10-08 19:50:39 · answer #8 · answered by Hang Tough 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen......... I answered the first time............ I would never do that. That is like telling you that u are scum under her feet. I would never ask my bridesmaids to rub my feet. That is not your job nor your title for the day. Re-evaluate your relatoinship with this girl!! Does she do this type of stuff to you all the time?? Get a new friend!! That wasn't cool!! You must be a good friend because I would have laughed in her face! That was humliating for you i'm sure!!
2006-10-08 18:54:12 · answer #9 · answered by Kellen's Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not do it, and I would not ask anyone to do it. Doing this humiliated you, and you need to let her know you did not appreciate being treated that way.
2006-10-08 18:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by sexy_latina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋