How old is too old for children of the opasite sex to take baths together?

Question

My ex husband had our 5 yr old daughter take two bubble baths with a 4 yr old boy this weekend. She said niether one of them wore anything and she saw his "peanut". She also said the boys mother and another male friend were also present. I DO NOT approve of this. Am I wrong, or how many others think this is in-appropriate for a 4 and 5 year old boy and girl?

Answer 1

For the most part I agree at least in part with what most of the other people posted to this question.
However none of us are going to see COMPLETELY EYE TO EYE on anything.

My two daughters who are 3 and 5 bath together sometimes, and by sometimes its when I am in a rush to get them bathed to either go somewhere on the spur of the moment or else to rush to get them bathed for bed.

At 3 years old my younger daughter expresses the WANT to be able to be in the bath by herself, and I comply with her wishes, however there are times when the tub becomes a playground and her older sis who is 5 sometimes gets in there with her.
My older daughter the 5 year old, more often than not states that since she is a big girl and can pretty much wash herself without my help, she wants to have a bath alone.

I dont think that your children the boys and the girls should bath together as this promotes a comfort level concerning nakedness with the children. It as well makes them very aware of the difference between them. Your children should be taught that no one should see them naked. IF your ex is having people in the bathroom while your child is bathing, both men and women I would be concerned at this. Bath time although sometimes a play time, should never have company, unless it is mom or dad or another sibling of the same sex and age.
In addition I think moms and dads should stop bathing with their kids once the children start questioning body parts.
However, I know most of us full time moms cant always have the bathroom door locked when you need to bath no more than you can always prevent your kids from climbing in the tub with you, and by this I mean your younger children.
Unless you intend to stay away till everyone goes to bed, or else get up early when everyone else is still asleep.

PS. Not saying that you should.. but if CPS were to hear about this they would RIP your ex a new a$$ hole.

Now the above are my own views, but I have included some other ones as well.

http://www.askdrgayle.com/qa51.htm
The reason you get conflicting views about bathing your children together is because there is no one "right" answer! Like most parental decisions, it is up to you and your husband to determine what is in your children's best interests. Your answer lies in your own levels of comfort and the philosophy you develop together as parents.
It is time to be concerned about what your philosophy is on this topic, instead of focusing on "saving time" by bathing all your children together. Do not sacrifice depth in family relationships for "efficiency".

First, clearly identify what your concerns are about bathing your children together. Are you worried that you are "over stimulating" them in some way? That your children will develop inappropriate sexual behavior with one another? If so, observe whether this is true. Do your children show signs of discomfort bathing together? sharing a bedroom? Or are they comfortable and having fun doing so? Gather information from your own observations of your children and share perspectives with your spouse.

You have been bathing them together due to time and space factors, but you may be failing to address the deeper issues involved in the decision-making process with your husband. It is the two of you that must discuss and develop your own beliefs about how you want to approach this situation. Establish a forum to decide upon your approach to this problem. It will be one of many decisions to come which you will have to make together as your children's growth stimulates areas of personal discomfort for you. Developing a parental team approach now will assure you that you will become more comfortable with inevitable areas of conflict later in their development.

Secondly, observe whether you or your husband are developing feelings of discomfort about your children bathing and being naked together at this age. If your children ask questions or comment on one another's genitals, do you answer matter-of-factly, or do you find yourself avoiding their questions? It is important that you as parents are comfortable about what you are doing with your children, as they will pick up your comfort or tensions about the situation. In other words, whatever situation you set up for your children, you must be willing to handle.

If you are greatly confused and uncomfortable with what comes up for them or there is unresolved conflict between you and their Dad about bathing together, your children are likely to pick up on your tensions about the topic. In this case, your children could become vulnerable to internalizing unspoken tension, and even develop shame about their bodies, which could be damaging. On the other hand, if you feel positively about their experience and freely answer the questions that arise, they may develop a sense of acceptance and pride in their bodies.

Families vary in their levels of comfort with nudity, in general. The guiding principal here is to be clear about your message. To do this, you must discuss and develop your own child-rearing philosophy.

Talk with your husband. Clearly, there will likely be a time before adolescence (or preadolescence) when your child(ren) will want more privacy! This will no doubt include separate bathing and maybe separate bedrooms as well. By adolescence, many parents who freely walked naked in front of their children have usually been asked not to by their embarrassed teenagers.

The beautiful thing about parenting is that you are free to create the family atmosphere and guidelines you want in your lives. Professionals, friends and experienced parents are wonderful resources, but you are the authorities in your own home. Certainly, you will adjust to your individual children's needs and personalities as they grow, but you are still at the helm!

Develop your parental discussion forum now and you will experience smoother sailing in the future, even when the waters get rough. The two of you are the "CO-captains" of the family. Practicing parental teamwork will ensure that you are learning how to navigate your way through your problems in a way that works for your family. That way, by the time you reach the hormonal storms of adolescence, the two of you will be experienced and trustworthy seafarers!

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/weeklyquestion/a/05_showrng_tghr.htm

http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,6246,00.html

http://www.westchestergov.com/ptk/Showering.htm
Sexual curiosity

During the preschool years, siblings, whether they are of the same or different sex, may "check
out" each other's bodies in the bathtub. If you come upon your children showing each other their genitals, try to take a relaxed attitude. Take off your adult lenses. These are not two adults in a hot tub! They are two children who are displaying normal curiosity about their bodies.
Instead of reacting negatively or ignoring the situation, you can use it as a teachable moment.
You could say something like, "I see you both are curious about how your bodies are different. "Aren't bodies great? But they belong to each of us, and I don't want you to touch each
other's private body parts."

http://preschoolerstoday.com/experts/answers/167.htm
At what age should children of different sexes stop bathing together?
The only right answer for this question is to let the children be the guide. When one of the children starts to object or begins showing natural modesty and wanting more privacy, it's time to allow them separate bath times. This newfound modesty often extends from the bathtub to going to the bathroom to having private time in their room. Usually, parents will see modesty develop around age 2 1/2 for girls and 3 1/2 for boys.
ohn Dorsey, M.D.
Pediatrician
William Beaumont Hospital
Royal Oak, MI

Here is another website where you can ask other moms
http://www.simplymoms.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15279

Hope this helps

Answer 2

First of all in response to something that was posted earlier.....children notice way before the age of 5, the differences between themselves and children of the opposite sex. My daughter is 3 and definitely knows the differences between her and my 2 year old and 11 month old. I don't think there was anything wrong with the children bathing together, especially since they were so well supervised. If you don't like that there was other adults present in the bathroom while your child was bathing, make sure to bring that to the fathers attention. My children, all 3, still take baths together. As long as they are supervised there should be no problem.

Answer 3

I agree with you. At five, most kids already know there are differences, but it doesn't mean they have to be forced into such situations, especially with people that are not immediate family. I have a 5 year old boy and he used to bath with his cousins (girls) on occasion until the oldest was about three. At five, most kids really become aware and conscience of their own bodies and start acting modest and don't want people to see them. We were fairly casual about the topic in our home because we didn't want our soon to think there was something wrong with the human body. We didn't jump and hide or cause a scene if he walked in on either of us dressing or showering and by the time he turned five, he started acting a little modest on his own. Within your own home you can usually take your ques from your children, but it is definitely not someone else right to expose your child to anything you disapprove of. I would have a (calm) talk with the ex and just tell him you don't think it was appropriate ask him not to let it happen again.

Answer 4

I dont think it is inappropriate if the children are family or close friends. If you do not know the boy or the parents of the boy then I can understand your concern. The question is do you trust your ex to behave appropriately? If you trust his judgement then there should be no problem. My 4 and 6 yearold (one boy one girl) bath together all the time.

Answer 5

Hi there,

I think they are too young to understand sexuality. I don't think there is anything wrong with a girl or boy learning about each other's body parts.

In addition, there were adults present in the room so even if the children were developing way faster than the average child, they could not have done anything that you need to be concerned with.

Are you sure you aren't just upset that it's your ex husband involved in the matter. Would you still be upset if it was you overlooking the children?

Regards
Maria

Answer 6

well i dont live in the states but my kids ages 3 and 6 bathe together i have 5 kids ages 13,9,6,3 and a 2 day old boy 4 boys and the 3 yr old is the only girl as long as they dont touch its other its ok my wife is PEDIATRICIAN if you ask

Answer 7

my girls ae 7and 8 they shower together and always have. my 3 yr old son will get in with them as hes a walking fish. we use correct terms for body parts once my girls start getting a little older they will shower seperate. as for my son he showers with me too as well along with my 14 month old daughter or they will bath together. i dont believe the older ones need an audience but the younger ones should be watched in fear of drowning. i think 6 is a good age to be showering alone. as for strangers other than your ex in the bathroom that was inapropriate and he should be spoken to about this.

Answer 8

You must be American since a question like this would not be asked in most other countries. Children who know what the opposite sex look like naked are much more mature as they develope. If you were raised to never look/or take baths with the opposite sex than you would find this rude/bad/etc.
I find there to be nothing wrong with this and I think that people who try to "cover" up there young children need to realize that you weren't born with clothes on and the first humans walked around naked. no clothes, not until way after Jesus died.

Answer 9

my sister and i bathed with our two boy cousins until no older than 7 years old. we knew the difference between boy and girl. and we usually had a bubble bath. and with bubbles, kids don't care about private parts. they see it but they don't really stare. they just want to have fun. and the more they see it, the more they look over it.

i would stop bathing them at 6 or 7 years old.

Answer 10

i could say the 5 year previous is little previous to be bathing along with his sister. i could say it is not a huge deal if the lads bathe jointly nonetheless. many times around age 4 or so i could say boy and girls would desire to be separated because of the fact it somewhat is acceptable to the age they start noticing they have "diverse factors" and issues like that. additionally contained in the subsequent year or so i could say even the lads would desire to take separate baths.

Answer 11

i think that by the time a child becomes two they should take baths a lone and only mom or dad should be the ones that give them these baths kids are smarter then people think and are very curious at this age so should never take baths with others after two so yes i agree with you 100%