I've recently moved to this area, and I like this guy I'm playing music with, and I'm pretty sure he likes me, too, but I have unknowingly maneuvered myself into a position I hate. How do I give him the message that he won't have forever with which to hem and haw about things? I really only let things come to this because I was too distracted with getting set up in a new area and making friends and didn't want a rel until I got settled. I needed a cellist to play music with, but the fact is that I am in an uncomfortable situation. We have a very serious musical relationship, but he has a girlfriend he has never told me about. I recently found out because I finally had the time and focus to go to the trouble. Problem is, we have become good friends and are dealing with all of the rudimenary problems of a beginning relationship as a metaphor to the musical relationship. I want to keep playing, but I don't want to earn a static place as the "other woman." How to make this clear--gently?
2006-10-08 18:07:46 · 7 answers · asked by Leandra P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Be the musician - and go on- forget his hemming and hawing around- esp since he has a girlfriend- he either did not tell you because he did not want you to know or the relationship is more professional and not personal- maybe you can find another cellist. D
2006-10-08 18:15:41 · answer #1 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he didnt tell you up front about the GF then that means he likes you already, but in 'her' eyes you will soon become, if not already are, the other woman. In a nutshell, he doesnt respect her or you. You both need to stop the games by not using the 'serious musical relationship' as an excuse. Dont be gentle, be tactful! And if you two got together how do you know he wouldnt do the same to you? For the love of god woman keep it professional!! If they break up, make sure its NOT b/c of you! Seriously, if you want to avoid drama then look for someone who's NOT attached. The fact is he doesnt want to hurt his GF and deal w/ the consequences afterward... and then there's all the 'what ifs' in his head that make him 'hem and haw': what if it doesnt work out; what if I cant get girl#1 back; what if..... etc, etc...
2006-10-09 01:39:41 · answer #2 · answered by Elizabeth A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard one to answer so don't jump right in to what i say. you need to clear this up no mater what and the one with the girl is the one how put you in this situation remember. so let him know the way you fill and git it solved.
2006-10-09 01:20:08 · answer #3 · answered by aaron h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way he sheltered the fact that he has a gf,I would just be straight up with him.
2006-10-09 01:14:25 · answer #4 · answered by want2wild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST TELL HIM THAT YOU WANT TO CONTINUE PLAYING
WITH HIM BECAUSE YOU REALLY ENJOYED IT. BUT AS
FOR ANY THING ELSE IT IT DONE DEAL. AND IF YOU
ARE GIVING THE GOODIES. THEN STOP. ACTION SPEAK
LOUDER THEN ANY THING THAT YOU CAN SAY.
2006-10-09 01:12:39 · answer #5 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him your not ready for a relationship and neither is he because already has one
2006-10-09 01:13:21 · answer #6 · answered by tamara s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him what you wrote here...Also ask to meet his girlfriend...
2006-10-09 01:49:14 · answer #7 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋